07.09.09 MALIN AKERMAN HAS COME A LONG WAY

SPOILER ALERT: the dog dies after teaching them both a valuable lesson about life… also, after running out into the street.

Birthday Dog wisely turned down this part.

The first record scratch actually happens at 1:43. A second one arrives at 2:10.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to pour bleach in my eyes and down my throat.

That dog was phooshopped out of Michelle Owen’s home movies.

Ok, which one of you gooks took my ‘t’?

Um, ok. So in the still shot of the preview, I’m looking at the dog’s hind leg. The tail is up, the right leg is standing there… so what is that where the left leg could be except that it doesn’t look like a leg?

I preferred the pre-production title, “That creep I was dating raped my dog.”

A love story about a man, a woman, and the dog that comes between them

I think they call that the Wooffel Tower.

It’s nice to finally know where Stoney copped that whole *points at crotch* bit…

Must Love Dogs II: Peanut Butter Boogaloo

I went to a heavy petting zoo once. Those sheep were SLUT-TEE.

I like how the poster has the words “Heavy Petting” written in a bunch of dog dicks.

Genius.

The sequel, ‘Go Felch!’ is about the newlywed couple’s struggles with intimacy.

Donk, wait until you go to a 2-way heavy petting zoo.

This movie makes Gene Siskel roll over (in his grave).

This movie makes Michael J. Fox sit and shake.

Wait, is that the movie poster…for real?

This movie makes Heath Ledger play dead.

This movie makes me jack off. With my penis. His name is Penis Leery.

This movie makes Heath Ledger play dead.

You just stole my Ed McMahon/Michael Jackson/Farrah Fawcett/Karl Malden/Steve McNair/Andy Dick line!

/Give it time.

I can always tell when my wife isn’t in the mood when she puts the dogs between us in bed. Also, she places a can of pepper spray on her nightstand and gives me the stink-eye.

I’ve come a long way as well. Upon seeing this chick Carla Gugino in the Silk Spectre costume being brutally raped and beaten being brutally beaten and raped I came across the fucking room and hit the other wall.

* In a closet. A pretty small one.

** NOT FOR THAT REASON!! Fags.

Donk how many times have a told you? When she gives you the stink eye . . . PUT IT IN (her ass)!!

Erswi, have you ever had your dick pepper-sprayed?

I imagine their relationship went off the tracks when the dude started letting the dog lick his balls because she wouldn’t. It’s her own fucking fault, really.

Donk, I call that the “Volcano Burrito”.

I’ve had my dick pepper-sprayed before. But she only did it to compliment having her tongue salt sprayed. I got mad because I already told her- I don’t wear condoments.

So is that how you make a volcano taco, Pauly?

No. Sounds kinky. Call me.

Indubitably, Donk. Indubitably.

Dog-er E-bark gave this movie two bones up!

I stink …

*puts corncob pipe in mouth, blows bubbles*

Indeed

*adjusts monocle, removes penis from mayonnaise jar*

*whispers* penis.

*enters room looking confused*
Are you guys talking about me?

I hope that the scene where he finds out he likes the dog plays out like “Lady and the Tramp”, with them licking Malin Akerman and going lower and lower till they meet at her crotch.

I think there is a pic missing in the banner pic. First she’s smiling as the dog and the guy lick her (or the air in front of her). Then she’s half naked and looking ashamed. WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE!!!

Why is it that whenever someone is smiling on these Movie Posters they always look retarded (and also, can someone let me have some candy?).

Wait, so Kevin Sussman is the dog’s name?

Heavy Petting? Is that when you finger a chick during her period?

No, that’s called heavy letting.

Heavy Petting is when I rub on fat chicks.

heavy lifting is when you finger a fat chick during her period. She doesn’t have to be on her period, it’s just grosser that way.

I’d like to see Gary Oldman fight that dog for her affection. Then maybe he could get some peanut but

Peanut Butt is when you buttfuck a chick when she’s constipated.

Never come between a woman and her dog. They always fight about who gets to lick it up.

That movie gave me a new leash on life. A life I now plan on ending.

That bitch ruins everything.

Wait a minute… I got mixed up. “Breaking the Dam” is the constipation thing. “Peanut Butt” is when you go anal with Peanut Butter as the lube (Chunky style).

Sounds like your chasing a lot of tail.

You don’t love me, you just love how my dick is painted red when we fuck doggystyle.