THE DA VINCI CODE FOR CATHOLICS
07.22.09
(Aw, how cute, she has Jesus’ abs)
THR today reports that a writer and director have been hired to adapt Magdalena, a comic book about a female heroine who is “the protector of the Catholic church.” Here’s the description from Wiki:
After the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, Mary Magdalene, reputed to be his wife, gave birth to a daughter, Sarah. From this child is descended the holy lineage of the Magdalena. The Magdelena serves as the warrior and protector of the Catholic Church. The Magdalena has the ability to see into the human heart, to show people the error of their ways and give them the choice to redeem their sins. There is only one in a generation, and she alone stands against the evils of the world. Magdalena wields the Spear of Destiny, the spear that pierced the side of Christ, as a holy and formidable weapon against the twisted and the evil.
It’s amazing how the legacies of the bible continue to effect us in the present day. Now, as we all know, Jesus Christ was without sin, and since he and Mary Magdalene weren’t married, and since fornication is a sin, we can infer that they never committed the sin of fornication. However, the famous loophole to the sin of fornication is anal sex (the anus being a literal hole, and origin of the term “loophole”), which we can infer that Jesus and Mary Magdalene did engage in, constantly. Which is why, to this day, Catholic girls love taking it up the butt.
[I kid, I kid]

Holy Ghost Rider?
Wouldn’t it be weird and incestual if when you have sex with her she cries out “Oh God, Oh Jesus!”
She used to dress as a nun, but she quickly broke that habit.
Hey, that’s a joe madureira comic! I know him!
I didn’t read this article however.
she’s got the medusa thing goin’ on with her tits: if you stare at them too long your dick turns to stone.
I want to stab you in the Jesus with my flesh spear.
Not much of a choice to redeem your sins when a chick dressed like the General Zod of American Gladiators is holding the Jesus Spear to your throat, is there?
I’m Cathloic, but I have never confessed once. My plain is to just sin like a mother fucker and confess it all in one fell swoop when I think the time is right.
This is what I’m imagining when I’m eating the body of Christ at communion.
The only sexy protector the Catholic church needs to have is one that protects sexy altar boys…
Anybody else really turned on by those crosses on her kneepads? No? Just me then?
holy blowjobs, batman
Donkey: Holy genuflecting protectors!
I stopped practicing in hopes that the deathbed repenting is good enough. Of course, I don’t know exactly when I’ll die or what constitutes a sin anymore so I basically repent after any activity that brings me joy in the least. It confuses women when I blurt our OH GOD I’M SORRY! after every climax….or beating.
i wanna tie her up to my bed post and stick her with my spear…i’d call it the crucifriction
The lady d’offs Protestants too much, methinks.
This is gonna make so many little Catholic boyz tug the mayo out their wiener, it’ll keep the cloth
crusty and clumped under the bedbusy with confession for years!You really don’t wanna cross this bitch.
Holy fucking hell. Michael Jackson’s stylist thinks this bitch needs to calm things down a bit.
This is the perfect Da Vinci code for Catholics. You see, instead of Tom Hanks and his ridiculous hair, we get this, which makes us feel badly for wanting to masturbate to it.
Isn’t it a bit off to carry around the weapon that killed your dad? Crazy ho.
The protector of the Catholic church certainly isn’t a condom.
The only thing the catholic church ever needed to be protected from was accusations of pedophilia, so I don’t really see the point to this broad unless she’s some sort of propoganda spin doctor.
Just be careful of what words you use when you tell her to call off a mission; she gets a little sensitive.
Todd McFarlane failed to realize that due to the No Idoltry clause in the bible there could be no action figure product tie ins.
Our Father, who art in the living room drinking Coors scratching balls and watching Sportscenter, hollowed by thy bank account, thy Kings did fall to the Sharks, thy will be scrawled on a napkin, on earff, as it is in the can a heave’in.
George McFly wields the Spear of Density.
wow this concept is so new and original!
Wasn’t this called Buffy the Vampire Slayer?