07.07.09 AND SO THE LION KNOCKED UP THE LAMB
(”Hurrr, we got stoned and went sunglass shopping.”)
I have a hard time believing that there’s any truth to this, especially considering it comes from an Australian tabloid I’ve never heard of. But according to New Weekly, Krapstew (Twilight stars Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattison) may be expecting a child.
The actress, who discovered she could be expecting last week, was so worried someone would discover her secret she sent a close pal to buy a pregnancy test kit. The couple, who haven’t even gone public with their romance yet, are now facing the toughest challenge to their relationship as they struggle with the news they could be parents.
Kristen first started to suspect she might be expecting when she realized she hadn’t had her period.
“When she worked out she was late, she obviously started to thinking that she could be pregnant” says a pal. “And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.”
Uh oh, you know what this means: Your old Bella Womb is obsolete! Ooh, it could become a collector’s item. Heck, that could be the title of the next Twilight book – New Womb. New wooooomb/you sloughed your lining alooooone/without a sperm in your cavityyyy… Okay, I’ll stop now.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/Runaways-slides-ratner-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/TWilightManga-real-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/Pattinson-Spider-Man-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/01/Superpoop-Twilight-Inglouri-150x150.jpg)
There are 23 comments about:
AND SO THE LION KNOCKED UP THE LAMB
Oh please let this one be true. It’s not that I’m at all pleased those two dipshits in the banner pic are passing down their DNA, I just want to see thousands of Twitard heads exploding like popcorn.
Yes, please do.
Kristen first started to suspect she might be expecting when she realized she hadn’t had her period
Kristen sounds like a Mensa candidate.
But…but…that’s not possible! They’re not even married!
Their baby is going to look exactly like Stephen Dorff.
Al, does Forks or whatever the fucking town it’s called even have a chapter of The National
HorrorHonor Society?So this means that if I claim to be a werewolf, I can call dibs on this baby, right?
And because of the timing, she thinks Rob could be the father.
Because of the timing? Oh, this chick is slutty. Let’s get ‘em on Maury.
Do you smell that? It’s either thousands of Twilight books being set ablaze by disgruntled fans, or thousands of Twilight readers opening their legs.
Do you hear that? It’s either thousands of Twitard hymens breaking or the roof collapsed down at the bubble wrap factory.
I’m pretty sure because of the timing that my twins really are mine. Because my wife is the only chick I’ve banged in the last ten years. Good timing, huh?
Do you see that? Either the local football team won the Super Bowl, or thousands of Twitards just realized they have another excuse for wearing maternity clothes besides “I don’t fit into pants designed for one person.”
Judging by that banner pic, the baby will ride out of her womb on a 10-speed. I just hope its scarf doesn’t get tied up in the umbilical cord.
Can THC be passed through a mother’s breastmilk? If so, Kristen Stewart just got a million times more attractive.
Kristen’s been knitting a baby bong cozy.
Gee, I wonder what Twilight fans would expect them to name the baby?
Donk, I thought you were lactose intolerant.
I’m all kinds of intolerant, Erswi. But, I could make an exception for young breastmilk that gets you stoned.
Think of it this way Kristen. You’ll stay very fresh down there during your pregnancy. Its the result of carrying a 9 pound 8 ounce douche to term
Kristen will breast feed Mountain Dew.
“So this means that if I claim to be a werewolf, I can call dibs on this baby, right?”
Love it, Donkey. Nominate that sucker!
Their baby will be the messiah for a new Twilight based religion. It truly is the end of days.
The soon-to-be-born douche’s umbilical cord will proabably sparkle.
Comment on this post:
You must be logged in to post a comment. Not yet a member, register for free.