07.08.09 HEY GIRL, I WROTE YOU AN ALBUM

Each copy comes with 2 discs, one at half volume, so as not to disturb anyone.

A 1, a 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4… Hey girl.

Girl, I took the hinges off this refrigerator so you wouldn’t get trapped in it and die or get chilly.

Anti…funny cause I was anti-Gosling Band even before you told me the name.

There is a hidden track of Gosling’s favorite study-tips:
“Tip #24. Study with a buddy. It’s more fun and you can help each other with tough problems. Even ones that aren’t from the homework, but from life.”

Hey girl, the band name was Zach’s idea. Turns out the Lovin’ Spoonful was already taken.

The most sensitive part of the vagina is called the Gosling.

Hey girl, if you like our show, please don’t hold up your lighter. Somebody could get hurt. Plus, it helps contribute to global warming.

Hey girl, I made you a mixtape. I added two of our tracks, one to the end of side A, the other to the beginning of side B. That way, if you don’t like our music, you can just flip the tape over and skip them both!

Gosling does not cut his hang nails. He gives them room to grow.

Ryan Gosling insists that his band mates aren’t his entourage, but his encourage.

Hey girl, I know our guitar parts are a little simple, but that’s just because I don’t feel comfortable playing the *whispers* G string.

Hey girl, don’t waste your money on a concert tee, I made you this sticker to wear.

Hey girl, when you sway to our music at our latest cafe show, be careful you don’t knock over your coffee. It’s hot and I don’t want you to get burned. And recycle the sleeve that’s made from recycled materials. We’ve only got one earth and she needs us to treat her right. Treat Her Right is our first single bye the way. We only offer it as a digital download to lessen our carbon footprint.

Ryan Gosling doesn’t pluck guitar strings. He gently pats them.

Hey girl, don’t hold up that lighter. Its very dangerous. Please use this light pen I got at office depot.

Lots of guitar players give their instruments a girl’s name. I named mine after my mom because she’s the most special lady in my life.

Goth-folk artists only use natural charcoal for eyeliner.

Ryan Gosling is afraid of the Peter Frampton talk box voice.

Hey girl, this next song is about taking a relationship to the next level. It’s called “Hey Girl, Is It OK If We Hold Hands”

Dead Man’s Bones’ posters are really just collages Ryan made from Tiger Beat and Teen People magazines the previous week when he was in High School.

Hey Girl, when referencing our band, be sure to always say the complete “Dead Man’s Bones.” I respect Dave Matthews Band too much artistically for there to be any confusion when people talk about the music of DMB.

Ryan Gosling is looking for that “FreeCreditReport.com” sound…

Ryan Gosling is opening up for The Wiggles, but he’ll be in the crowd singing right after his set is done.

Hey Girl, I appreciate the standing ovation, but here, have a seat. You’ve worked hard today!

*pulls out chair

Here’s a video and here’s their myspace.

PROTIP: “goth-folk” is a euphemism for dirty hipster music lacking instrumentation.

Hey Girl, please don’t yell “Freebird” at our show. It makes me think of my late parakeet Sprinkles :’(

Ryan Goslin calls the whammy-bar the tremolo arm.

Hey girl, when I do the windmill, I’m really just waving at you

Ryan Gosling offered to let the headlining band play first. Because that’s the polite thing to do.

Hey Girl, I just got that Gosling joke, you’re pretty cute.

Ryan Gosling doesn’t stage dive. He calmly walks down the stairs, making sure to hang onto the rail and makes his way slowly through the crowd

P.S. that video link has exactly the kind of comments you’d expect from a Gosling youtube video. I don’t know how those commenters managed to stop flailing their arms long enough to type.

Ryab Goslin covers Raffi’s “Baby Beluga”

Hey girl, the band reminds me of the time we did karaoke with your parents. Which reminds me, tell David and Margaret I said hello.

Ryan Gosling’s songs don’t have guitar solos, because he doesn’t want to hurt the other instruments’ feelings.

Hey Girl, we didn’t release a single because being lonely is the worst.

Ryan Gosling’s album comes with a parental warning sticker to let them know that if their sons purchase it, that they may be gay.

When played backward, Ryan Gosling’s album unlocks the secret to world peace.

John Tesh reportedly dismissed Ryan Gosling’s music as, “Gay.”

If you play Ryan’s record backwards, you hear the sweet sounds of unicorns and rainbows.

Some of Ryan Gosling’s songs include, “Street Cuddling Man” and “Giving a Stern Warning to the Band that Wrote Smack My Bitch Up.”

Hey Girl, here’s a backstage pass. Come to my room after the show and we’ll party. I’ve got Uno!

Dead Man’s Bones plays The Chicken Dance for their encore.

Hey Girl, our music is what you’d call Hug-core.

Ryan is also releasing this album on vinyl. Ha ha! I love you Scratches!

When DMB plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, the audience all turn on their flashlights with the multi-colored, fiber-optic strands on the top.

Hey Girl, my album comes free with any donation.

Ryan Gosling tried to start an Emo band, but he could never make it through a song without crying. Darn, girl.

Hey Girls and Guys, instead of making fun of me, let me take you all out for some ice cream.

Actually fuck this, I’m actually going to get some ice cream. I need to get that “Hey Girl” voice out of my head before I start crying at the sound of singing birds.