HEY GIRL, I WROTE YOU AN ALBUM
07.08.09Aw, Baby Goose has a band. Specifically Dead Man’s Bones, a goth-folk duo made up of Ryan Gosling and Zach Shields. A record label called Anti has just announced that they’ll be putting out Dead Man’s self-titled debut album in October. Dead Man’s Bones? Anti? Oh, Baby Goose, it’s like we barely even knew you! Oh I see, you were just trying to sound “dangerous.” Well when you put it that way I guess it is pretty adorable. Haha, I love it when you wink and make air quotes. Let’s promise we’ll never fight and pinkie swear to be best friends forever.
Gosling described the motivation behind the album’s aesthetic: “You know when you’re a kid and you get crayons and papers and just draw whatever you want and it’s just a bunch of messy lines, but to you it makes sense, and then they put it on the fridge? From that point on, you’re always trying to get back on the fridge, you start drawing things that look like something, like, the more it looks like a horse, the more chance you have of getting it on the fridge. We wanted to get back to that place before we were trying to make the fridge. We wanted to work with people who hadn’t been affected in that way yet.” [via Pitchfork]
Translation: Girl, you make me feel just like a kid again. Let’s draw each other with crayon and I’ll play you this song I wrote about hot chocolate.


Each copy comes with 2 discs, one at half volume, so as not to disturb anyone.
A 1, a 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4… Hey girl.
Girl, I took the hinges off this refrigerator so you wouldn’t get trapped in it and die or get chilly.
Anti…funny cause I was anti-Gosling Band even before you told me the name.
There is a hidden track of Gosling’s favorite study-tips:
“Tip #24. Study with a buddy. It’s more fun and you can help each other with tough problems. Even ones that aren’t from the homework, but from life.”
Hey girl, the band name was Zach’s idea. Turns out the Lovin’ Spoonful was already taken.
The most sensitive part of the vagina is called the Gosling.
Hey girl, if you like our show, please don’t hold up your lighter. Somebody could get hurt. Plus, it helps contribute to global warming.
Hey girl, I made you a mixtape. I added two of our tracks, one to the end of side A, the other to the beginning of side B. That way, if you don’t like our music, you can just flip the tape over and skip them both!
Gosling does not cut his hang nails. He gives them room to grow.
Ryan Gosling insists that his band mates aren’t his entourage, but his encourage.
Hey girl, I know our guitar parts are a little simple, but that’s just because I don’t feel comfortable playing the *whispers* G string.
Hey girl, don’t waste your money on a concert tee, I made you this sticker to wear.
Hey girl, when you sway to our music at our latest cafe show, be careful you don’t knock over your coffee. It’s hot and I don’t want you to get burned. And recycle the sleeve that’s made from recycled materials. We’ve only got one earth and she needs us to treat her right. Treat Her Right is our first single bye the way. We only offer it as a digital download to lessen our carbon footprint.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t pluck guitar strings. He gently pats them.
Hey girl, don’t hold up that lighter. Its very dangerous. Please use this light pen I got at office depot.
Lots of guitar players give their instruments a girl’s name. I named mine after my mom because she’s the most special lady in my life.
Goth-folk artists only use natural charcoal for eyeliner.
Ryan Gosling is afraid of the Peter Frampton talk box voice.
Hey girl, this next song is about taking a relationship to the next level. It’s called “Hey Girl, Is It OK If We Hold Hands”
Dead Man’s Bones’ posters are really just collages Ryan made from Tiger Beat and Teen People magazines
the previous weekwhen he was in High School.Hey Girl, when referencing our band, be sure to always say the complete “Dead Man’s Bones.” I respect Dave Matthews Band too much artistically for there to be any confusion when people talk about the music of DMB.
Ryan Gosling is looking for that “FreeCreditReport.com” sound…
Ryan Gosling is opening up for The Wiggles, but he’ll be in the crowd singing right after his set is done.
Hey Girl, I appreciate the standing ovation, but here, have a seat. You’ve worked hard today!
*pulls out chair
Here’s a video and here’s their myspace.
PROTIP: “goth-folk” is a euphemism for dirty hipster music lacking instrumentation.
Hey Girl, please don’t yell “Freebird” at our show. It makes me think of my late parakeet Sprinkles :’(
Ryan Goslin calls the whammy-bar the tremolo arm.
Hey girl, when I do the windmill, I’m really just waving at you
Ryan Gosling offered to let the headlining band play first. Because that’s the polite thing to do.
Hey Girl, I just got that Gosling joke, you’re pretty cute.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t stage dive. He calmly walks down the stairs, making sure to hang onto the rail and makes his way slowly through the crowd
P.S. that video link has exactly the kind of comments you’d expect from a Gosling youtube video. I don’t know how those commenters managed to stop flailing their arms long enough to type.
Ryab Goslin covers Raffi’s “Baby Beluga”
Hey girl, the band reminds me of the time we did karaoke with your parents. Which reminds me, tell David and Margaret I said hello.
Ryan Gosling’s songs don’t have guitar solos, because he doesn’t want to hurt the other instruments’ feelings.
Hey Girl, we didn’t release a single because being lonely is the worst.
Ryan Gosling’s album comes with a parental warning sticker to let them know that if their sons purchase it, that they may be gay.
When played backward, Ryan Gosling’s album unlocks the secret to world peace.
John Tesh reportedly dismissed Ryan Gosling’s music as, “Gay.”
If you play Ryan’s record backwards, you hear the sweet sounds of unicorns and rainbows.
Some of Ryan Gosling’s songs include, “Street Cuddling Man” and “Giving a Stern Warning to the Band that Wrote Smack My Bitch Up.”
Hey Girl, here’s a backstage pass. Come to my room after the show and we’ll party. I’ve got Uno!
Dead Man’s Bones plays The Chicken Dance for their encore.
Hey Girl, our music is what you’d call Hug-core.
Ryan is also releasing this album on vinyl. Ha ha! I love you Scratches!
When DMB plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, the audience all turn on their flashlights with the multi-colored, fiber-optic strands on the top.
Hey Girl, my album comes free with any donation.
Ryan Gosling tried to start an Emo band, but he could never make it through a song without crying. Darn, girl.
Hey Girls and Guys, instead of making fun of me, let me take you all out for some ice cream.
Actually fuck this, I’m actually going to get some ice cream. I need to get that “Hey Girl” voice out of my head before I start crying at the sound of singing birds.
Ryan’s credo is pecks, hugs and rock & roll.
Ryan Gosling thought McFly’s band was just too loud. I want to slow dance at prom, fellas.
Hey Girl, my album is half price with the purchase of a Grande Frappucino.
Ryan Gosling’s live performances are well known for the cuddle-pits that form in front of the stage.
All of Ryan Goslings guitars are tuned to the key of “B natural”.
Ryan Gothling plays Bela Lugosi’s Really Sleepy. He doesn’t want to bum out the Lugosi family.
Hey Girl, there are no power ballads on this album as I didn’t want you to feel threatened.
Inna Gosling Da Vida will rock you–to sleep.
Hey Girl, wear this helmet. I hear people get stoned at concerts and I don’t want you to get hurt.
Warning: Dead Man’s Bones may cause male lactation.
Ryan Gosling idea of Goth is the Count from Sesame Street.
Ryan’s entourage is a bunch of woodland creatures that follow him around wherever he goes.
All songs are written on stationary that has the heading:
Lyrics from the heart of Ryan….
DMB only records in 3/2 time because 4/4 seems like they may be moving a little too fast.
*wishes Stoney was around to point at his crotch*
Hey girl, you didn’t have to blow that security guard to get backstage. Just send a self addressed, stamped envelope to Dead Man’s Bones c/o Baby Goose and it’ll be delivered to your place in 8 – 10 business days.
Baby Goose bashfully thanked Cynthia Plaster Caster for offer but his winkle wasn’t broken.
her
/as before, insert where appropriate
/as before, insert where appropriate
That’s what she said
Hey Girl, thanks for joining my fan club, but I’m here to support YOU!!
Hello groupies? What? You want to sleep with me? Nah, how bout I take you all out to dinner and we can talk about your lives and then if you are all lucky, we can snuggle.
Who’s the drummer? The cottonelle puppy?
hey girl, we’re called dead man’s bones because a live man’s bones would just be too icky
hey girl, nah, those arent cigarettes rolled up my sleeve, they’re handi wipes. they kill 99.9 percent of the germs, i think thats pretty good.
Hey Girl, Haha no, that wasn’t a devil horn’s hand gesture, I was doing a shadow puppet of a bunny. Haha, I owe you a Caffeine Free Diet Coke for the misunderstanding!
Ryan Gosling backwards is Tom Sizemore.
Hey Girl, I think you’re cute! If you think I’m cute, check the Yes box for Yes or the no box for :(
Their first choice for a band name, Sad Faced Panda Bear, was not available for a Twitter user name, so they went with their second choice.
Ryan Gosling turns his amplifier on with poetry and candlelight.
Ryan Gosling doesn’t have an amplifier. He has a humidifier.
Hey Girl, I don’t want your skin to dry out during the show.
the original name of the band was angela lansbury’s camel toe but that got old quick if you know what i mean.
hey, girl.
Baby Goose doesn’t head bang, he headcuddles first and then sees if we can go from there. If not, that’s cool.
Hey girl, I’m glad you noticed all our songs sound the same. We’re into recycling, and we hope you are too.
Zach Shields’ nickname in high school was “Panty”.
Hey Girl, can I borrow your eyeliner?
Hey girl, I wrote this song just for you. Wanna hear it here it go!
I wanna make sweet love to you girrrrrlllllll,
But first I wanna take you out to a nice restauraaaaaannnntt,
Maybe see a show afterwards (something really non-threatening,
Definitely not Wicked though cuz I’m not down with the occult),
Then you could give me a peck on the cheek goodnight if that’s cool with you,
Later on I’d call you and see if you want to go out again,
Maybe after four or five dates I could meet your parents,
And I’d be real cool with them and they’d let me call them Jim and Doris,
Then we could take a long walk on the beach in the moonlight and I’d profess my undying love for you, girl
And then if you felt really comfortable with the idea and we took precautions to avoid the transmission of diseases or infections as well as unwanted pregnancyyyy yyy y. . .
Then girl, we’d make love.
Hey girl.
Ryan Gosling’s band doesn’t do an encore because, you know, he’s already taken up enough of your valuable time.
Hey girl if you need a ride home after my show my mom could give you a lift we might stop at Dairy Queen on the way home
All Baby Gooses show end at 8 pm so that no one is tired for work the next day
They dont serve alcohol at Baby Gooses’ shows they serve apple juice and he takes a break every 10 minutes so his audience can go pee