Lorenzo Di Bonaventura, the Hollywood a-super producer behind-a dis-a year’s Transformers 2, Imagine That, and G.I. Joe, made headlines a few weeks back when he announced plans to make a movie based on the Asteroids arcade game.  But IGN recently caught up with him, and he reassured fans that there’s a lot more to the idea than just triangles and polygonal blobs (haha, because that would be stupid!).  Here’s the quote, and I warn you, you might wanna put on a helmet because this is going to make you bang your head against something.

“It’s funny because people say there’s nothing in the game, but that’s not entirely right,” he said. “I was attracted to Asteroids, plain and simple, because I think what it tells you is that there’s going to be this big thing in space. We’ve crafted a really strong, deep mythology for the thing.”

Yeah, there was this big thing in space, and it was called the Big Bang.  The mythology is that first there was the big bang, then there was Lorenzo Di Bonaventura.  F*ck you, universe.  F*ck you in the black hole.

“Without divulging too much about it, it’s two lead characters – two brothers – who have to go through a seminal experience to figure out their relationship, against this huge backdrop.”

Wait, didn’t they already make this movie?  I’m pretty sure they did, it was called Seminal Brothers 6.  They figure out that their relationship involves double teaming white girls.  This discovery came pretty early in the movie, from what I remember.