07.08.09 GUIDO BEACH BECOMES G.I. JOE BEACH
When you’re trying to market a movie as crappy as Stephen Sommers’ G.I. Joe, the key is finding people low on intelligence and easily impressed by shiny things. Ehh, oh! I think I found ya taahget audience right heah *points crotch towards Jersey shore*. Writes LatinoReview reader “BJ”:
I was sitting on the beach in Ocean Grove, NJ yesterday when a Black [sic] helicopter stopped to hover just off shore about 35 feet in the air. All of the fourth of July revelers hoarding the beach [sic] ran towards the water to see what was going on.
Then as it slowly approached shore, a rope ladder rolled out and what appeared to be a diver climbed to the bottom of the rope ladder. As I approached the water’s edge, the helicopter the gleaming black helicopter [sic... you get it] turned only to reveal the G.I. Joe Movie logo as the diver began to wave. The helicopter the proceeded to hover south down the shore with the diver hanging on just over the water for as far south as we could see.
It was very cool as it felt like GI Joe had come to life for me and [it was] effective as EVERYONE I ran into on the Jersey Shore was talking about it.
Jesus, is it just me or does “BJ” write like a porn spambot? But anyway, yeah, dude, a guy climbed down a rope ladder and waved at you, you were practically in the movie. That sounds like real combat the way Axe body spray smells like someone who showered.
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There are 31 comments about:
GUIDO BEACH BECOMES G.I. JOE BEACH
G.I. Joe? Smells like G.I. Tract.
/that pun will catch on, I assure you
Write like one? I thought “porn spambot” was a euphemism for “guy from New Jersey”.
GI Joe at the Jersey Shore
That must be that new G.I. Joe character:
BODY SPRAY.
GI Joe at the Jersey Shore?
Cobra Commander: Follow my odors!!!
Code Name: Orange Complexion.
It’s reassuring to know that if someone invades our shores, the idiots will be running towards the helicopters to see what’s going on.
Later, they tried to do one of those “Knowing is Half the Battle” PSAs about drug use, but the diver stepped on a hypodermic needle and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope no ones blow back hair cuts were ruined by the wind from the rotors.
Incidentally, since when is “BJ” a latino name? Wouldn’t it be pronounced “bee (exhale)”?
Too bad they didn’t do advertising for ‘The Hurt Locker’ there too…
A diseased and filthy beach in an area where cheap skanks are easy to find? Sienna Miller should fit in fine.
Please let them do some viral marketing for 2012 on this beach and things go horribly awry when the cloud of body spray ignites.
The Rise of Camarobra.
G.I. Joey. Ohh!
A bunch of spandex wearing, gum chewing mobster wives thought the parked Trouble-Bubble on the beach was an outdoor hair dryer.
This reminds me of Scorcese’s viral marketing campaign for The Departed when Mark Wahlberg and Maaaaatttttttt Daaaaammooooooonnnnnnnnnn did a series of appearances in San Francisco and told everone in attendance to “Hahden the Fahk Up”.
Roadblock: We better move out and we move out soon. Boy, I thought Cobra had some greasy goons.
Michael Bay: I would’ve flown the helicopter into the beach and have it explode on impact.
Anyone else: How would killing innocent women and children help promote the movie?
Michael Bay: BOOOOOM!
G.I. Jovi. Now with more acrylic nails and venereal diseases!
New Jersey Cobra Recruit: Join Cobra?…Cobra? Well, I can tell you one thing bra. I got a pretty big trouser snake right here. You know what I’m talking about? Hehhehheh.
Hey, ‘ey Frankie. Get a load of dis jabrone in da wet suit. What a fag. Bet he ain’t neva even been to a decent dance club. How’s my collar? Popped?
Yo, Joe!
The disfigured Cobra Commander doesn’t wear his mask in New Jersey in an attempt to blend in better.
New Jersey is tied (with Massachusetts) for the second highest average IQ (111) in the country, behind Connecticut (113).
I think they were all lining up to beat the shit out of the helo because it was calling them out.
WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP
:-)
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