07.28.09 G.I. JOE = EPIC FARTBOMB
It’s fun seeing how much G.I. Joe is going to suck, and in that regard, this latest clip DOES. NOT. DISAPPOINT. This must be some of the finest dialogue ever hastily scribbled on a napkin in crayon.
GENERAL HAWK: [To Duke] You scored in the top half percent of all the people we’ve ever tested. And Rip, if we average your scores with Dukes, you’d pass too.
[Laughter]
AHAHAHAHA, GET IT?? IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE THE BLACK GUY ISN’T SMART! LET’S ALL TAKE OUR SHIRTS OFF AND WORK OUT! Later, Ripcord decides to chat up Scarlett while she reads “The Aufbay Principle” – it’s a book about science, because she is a scientist, you see, and scientists read science books while they work out. Don’t let her jiggly sports bra fool you! (the extra ‘T’ in Scarlett stands for “Titties for days, y’all!)
RIP: Look, I think you and me got off on the wrong foot. See, I’m attracted to you, and you, you’re attracted to me.
SCARLETT: We’re attracted to each other.
RIP: THANK YOU!
SCARLETT: That’s what you’re saying. It’s not what I’m saying.
RIP: It’s not?
SCARLETT: Attraction is an emotion. Emotions are not based in science. And if you can’t quantify or prove that something exists… in my mind it doesn’t.
Oh right, she doesn’t believe EMOTIONS EXIST, because EMOTIONS aren’t BASED IN SCIENCE. Because SHE is a SCIENTIST, you see! WOOOF. Man, I gotta find me a redheaded skeptic. They always have awesome jugs.
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There are 20 comments about:
G.I. JOE = EPIC FARTBOMB
Dana Scully had jugs?
that “emotions don’t exist” argument sounds a lot like my lawyer’s defense argument in my rape case
That ginger bitch knows for sure the clit is a myth.
Fart bombs are the G.I. Joes weapon of choice in chemical warfare.
Rip’s special weapon is a bucket of confetti.
I am sure this movie will do well, given Transformers 2 got resounding accolades from morons everywhere. Just make sure you have some explosions and someone will have explosions everywhere in the theater. Also, a nice ginger on sweaty afro-dude concept will help bring in the fetish audiences. What color do you get when you mix red bush with black? Black bush dude, black is the strongest color! Oh man, do you think that they could get that into GI Joe II? That is some good dialogue! I copyright that shit!
The red headed is enemy to Cobra…and Ryan Gosling.
Damn you typo…I meant “red head.”
I bet if I could convince Scarlett that ejaculating is science, she’d let me Toaster Strudel her face.
“Top half percent”. “Top half percent” is not the same as “top half of the top one percent”. “Top Half Percent” just means the guy scored somewhere above an F.
Yeah, this one’s gonna be special.
So basically what Scarlett is saying is that if I slip her a rufie and wear a rubber, it never happened? Good to know. And knowing is…aw fuck it. You know.
As many of you know, science is a hobby for The Mighty One as well. In fact, here is a scrumptious little sample of the ignorance abound in the circles of “scientific skepticism”:
http://sciencefail.blogspot.com/2009/07/epic-fail-bong.html
(work safe)
The black guy may as well give it up. Unless they’ve updated G.I. Joe recently, from what I remeber neither one of them will have anything to work with “down there.” Oh, Scarlett may have nippleless tits but that’s about it.
General Hawk should know that the only test a black guy is worried about is the Maury paternity test.
Rip is short for Trip to Popeye’s.
Why doesn’t Scarlett just tell Rip the truth?
She doesn’t want any “chocolate” in her “peanut butter”.
20 bucks rip dies first
I can’t prove that Stephen Sommer’s ability to direct movies exists, does that mean this movie doesn’t exist? Please…
I believe science and/or a paternity test can prove that Scarlett runs like Steven Seagal.
So Scarlett’s a scientist studying “The Aufbay Principle?”
If she majored in Pig Latin it’s pretty easy to figure out how she got the the head of her school.
Boff is slang for to hit or punch.
Boff is slang for to have sexual intercourse with.
Boff is British slang for the buttocks.
Boff is American slang for a successful joke.
Boff is American slang for a hearty laugh.
Two words: Donkey Punch.
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