07.20.09 FORGOTTEN CLASSICS: WORST. ENDING. EVER.
Movie news can get a little slow at times. Luckily, movie olds is a bottomless well of badness and unintentional hilarity, and that’s why we have the segment Forgotten Classics.
Today’s forgotten classic comes from Richard Horian’s 1987 film Student Confidential, and stars… Richard Horian (this happens a lot on Forgotten Classics). It features some incredibly cheesy music (composed by… you guessed it, Richard Horian), and the following dialog:
Joseph, there will be no concert today. If there were, we would have to trade places. Next time we meet, I want to tell you something I do know about. How to make inordinate amounts of money in the world of business.
And then they hold hands and STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR MORE THAN A MINUTE. It’s creepier than the Hobbit epilogues from Lord of the Rings and Mugatu staring down his assistant in Zoolander combined. Richard Horian went on to make one other movie in 1998, called Williamstowne. It has even less dialog than Student Confidential and appears to consist solely of cheesy music and meaningful looks. Watch the three-minute trailer that feels like 20 after the jump.
[Thanks to @greg_hudson for the tip]
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There are 34 comments about:
FORGOTTEN CLASSICS: WORST. ENDING. EVER.
His eyebrows display more emotion than David Caruso
Ahhh! . . . the French . . . Champagne . . . has always been celebrated for its excellence. It is a California champagne by Paul Masson inspired by that same French excellence–
Cut! What the fuck, Richard?
In grade school his friends called him Dick Whore.
His porn name is Dick Whorin’
Worst ending ever? Maybe, but now I’ve just got to find out what happened to his face.
*Blockbuster here I come*
Jinxxies!!! Sorry ’bout the dickstep. Got my stillettos on, too. Unfortunate.
If I’m going to watch anything that lasts three minutes but feels like twenty, then I’m walking in on my parents fucking again, not this bullshit.
I’ll take any dick contact I can get. thanks.
The guy has an uncanny resemblance to Richard Karn, Home Improvements Al Borland.
“FORGOTTEN CLASSICS: WORST. ENDING. EVER.”
i could have sworn this was going to be a michael jackson post
He looks like a fat gay version of Michael Corleone.
“Movie news can get a little slow at times”
You mean they’re finally running out of old toys and comic books? What about Frisbee The Movie or Hoola Hoop Goes Hawaiian?
In response to Williamstowne, I intend to put together a movie called Billsburgh which has absolutely no dialog and consists of cross-eyed people masturbating and throwing water balloons at one another. You bet your ass it’ll end with “Fin”…
Marlon Jackson (yup) gets third billing as Joseph but goes missing on the IMDB. Dude throwing the sexy Jackie Gleason vibe must have held more than his hands.
Men…if only you could make 3 minutes feel like 20
*sigh*
The last time I silently stared at another ended with I Do’s and nine years of regret.
I don’t know what clip you guys are watching, but that was awesome!
He went to the Captain Kirk school of acting
Oh, I had a small window of RedTube up. Nevermind.
The only clip I’d rather watch less than this is one of the 15-round variety being emptied into my family.
Student Confidential sounds like the extra-curricular relationship I had with my PE coach.
@Chino
I can make 3 minutes feel like twenty. It’s a little game I like to call “why you hitting yourself”.
So this is where Family Guy gets it’s material. I’ll be damned.
Funny thing, girls can make 3 minutes feel like twenty simply by saying, “Guess what happened at work today…”
You just reminded me that I need to call my older brother. Thanks!
I stretch 3 minutes into twenty by pulling out after every pump and yelling, “Not yet!” at my unit.
Really freaks out the dog.
It still feels like 3, Crappy.
And quit calling me a dog.
3 at once baybeeee!! Booyah!
And by three, I mean three booze reeking fat homeless guys with gutter dick trying to fuck your armpit.
Reading the cast list, I see that there are three actresses listed as prostitutes. I think having “Played Prostitute #3 in ‘Student Confidential’” is the worst possible thing you can have on your resume.
So this is must be Tay Zonday’s early work.
I found it easier to watch by just imagining she was stroking my cock. Sometimes it’s how I get thru the entire day.
Richard Horian is the real life Garth Marenghi, minus the irony. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNfQ0ORwSDM
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