FORGOTTEN CLASSICS: DEATHBED
07.15.09In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve started a new FilmDrunk segment. It’s called Forgotten Classics, and in it, I call your attention to older, awesomer movies you may have missed. I figure it’s a great way to keep from killing myself because I have to report another movie based on a kids’ toy, or Bridget Jones Diary 3. Oh yeah, they’re making that, hadn’t you heard? Who cares.
Anyway, today’s Forgotten Classic is 1977′s Deathbed: The Bed That Eats. (It may not technically be “forgotten,” because Patton Oswalt mentions it in a famous bit which I’ve included below). Things to look for in the Deathbed clip:
- 0:20 This guy wins the Oscar in mustache growing
- 1:30 The bed (I guess they’re sitting on a bed?) digests the guy with the gun – as represented by an arm coming out of some orangish foam. At which point the other guy takes his gun in order to defend himself against the bed. TO NO AVAIL.
- 1:38 The line “Oh, I’m being eaten alive,” delivered in a manner one might normally reserve for, “Oh, I found a penny on the ground.”
- 1:46 Dead men don’t smoke cigars! …OR DO THEY?
- 2:15 Bed eats a red flower – SYMBOLISM! (maybe?)
Boy, they just don’t make ‘em like this anymore. Thank God.
The Patton clip comes from this album, which I highly, highly recommend (please don’t pull the clip, lawyery types). Only Patton could start with Deathbed and eventually get to “50 d*cks in his ass like the tail of a peacock.” My hero.
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My grandpa I had to care for often slept UNDER his pillow on his deathbed.
I remember seeing this for rent at the video store. It was like two boxes away from “Chopping Mall”, which I rented. Over and over. Yet another forgotten classic.
What a sham
Sholy Hit. Durden is suddenly blocked by my company’s Sonic Wall. Yet I can still come here. Lucky You.
sounds like it’s time to stick some sparklers in the copy machine and duck…or sing happy birthday.
Deathbed is the date rape drug Charles Bronson invented.
I’m looking forward to DeathBed 2 Electric Waterbed
Listen, I’ll admit I’ve many times sat on a bed with another girl doing things like playing cards or braiding each other’s hair or turning a pillow fight into a hot steamy lesbian make-out session, but two men on a bed? That’s just gay.
The deathbed never forgets a face either. You see, it’s a memory foam mattress.
The deathbed is lonely. He only wants one nightstand.
You’ll find no comforter on this bed.
There is actually a bed-skirt in the room’s cross-dresser.
My bed used to be a deathbed, but my wife smothered it with fifteen pillows.
This bed got laughed out of a Motel 6 for not having enough bloodstains.
Ah, the Victorian era circus strongman ‘tache. Definitely due a revival.
I’d rather see “MethBed: The Bed That Eats People (Out).”
Deathbed: At Least Something in your Bedroom Swallows.
We inspected the bed with a black light and were alarmed at what we found. The bed was soiled in MURDER.
Russell Simmon’s Defbed doesn’t kill people, but it makes it hard for them to sleep with all the noise.
This is for people whose sleep number is 666.
I really shouldn’t drink at lunch…
Talk about a Bed and Breakfast!!!!!
Shit, that fag keeps typing shit with my computer when I leave the room.
Oh yes you should. I’m a little behind in my nomming, but it’s gonna be The Donk Show in there in a minute.
The line “Oh, I’m being eaten alive,” delivered in a manner one might normally reserve for, “Oh, I found a penny on the ground.”
Is this a transcript of DeathBed or Donk’s Wife?
FistO: My wife gets REALLY fucking excited when she finds a penny on the ground.
Not so sure about the other thing though.
There is only one way to defeat the Deathbed.
Kung Futon.
I’m sure the people who made this bed now have to lie about it.
The police wouldn’t show up until the hero tore off the mattress tag. Then they tool him to jail. Now he only needs to worry about his cot and the shitty food.
Deathbed didn’t do it. It was framed.
Deathbed put on a little weight, now it has a pillow top.
Deathbed didn’t come from hell, it came from Nebraska Furniture Mart.
When Deathbed farts, it always says, “Ooop! Got another monster under me!” and laughs at itself every stinking time.
Deathbed is an asshole.
*shouts at office full of Fox executives whilst being dragged down corridor by security*
“Death Racecar Bed 2000!”
*Fox executives nod heads, beckon security to bring me back into the office*
Deathbed used to be a commenter a while back, but he quit after four posts.
Bed bugs are Deathbed’s crabs.
DeathBed once mistook a Thanksgiving Turkey for another DeathBed, since it was full of stuffing.
Deathfuton kills by giving you a back ache and a shoddy night’s sleep.
5 little monkeys jumpin on the bed,
1 fell off and 2 seem dead,
momma called the doctor and the doctor said
“holy hell, why did you drag me into this? Quick, feed it the rest of the monkeys so we can make a break for it”
If the two hoods playing cards on the bed, secure in their sexuality, were made men then their crew should take it to the mattresses.
Casual “Oh, I’m being eaten out” is how my girlfriend usually responds to cunnilingus. Am I doing it wrong?
I think one of the best moments is that they totally mime the gun firing like if it was on SNL or something. I can almost hear the producer telling the director “nobody will notice, it’s fine.”
DeafBed just sits there moaning.
MegadethBed kills you by droning on and on about getting kicked out of Metallica.
If this Deathbed’s a rockin’, it’s probably listening to Nickelback.
If that Deathbed’s a rockin’ to Nickelback, that Deathbed is Dead2Me.
This would make a great advertisement for Pepto Bismol.
Hey DeathBed, I like your coverlet, please don’t eat me girl.
Gay Deathbed only comes in queen size.
FilmDrunk:The Blog that fucks your Mom
Uh.. I mean eats babies, no..wait..eats stuff other blogs dont
Megan Fox Naked
This clip reminded me of an old “Monsters” episode called “Pillow Talk” Basically guy brings home girls so his bed can eat them.
Of course I found it on Youtube. The entire episode is available but here’s a clip. Have a look-see:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0DLtEfSsZY&feature=PlayList&p=9D580B935E231A77&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=4