
Electronic Arts is teaming up with director D.J. Caruso to adapt their video game, Dead Space into a movie. D.J. Caruso last did Eagle Eye and if you need an idea how crappy that was, just watch the alternate ending after the jump. Here’s the game synopsis.
“Dead Space” is set in the 26th century in deep space, where an engineer who responds to a distress signal from a mining ship finds the vessel infested with monstrous creatures called Necromorphs. The creatures are human corpses, reanimated by an alien virus. [Variety]
It’s just Event Horizon with a reductive explanation for the plot. And that explanation is “GRR, ZOMBIE VIRUS!” In space, no one can hear you make derisive fart noises with your mouth.
UPDATE: This comment was too good not to include. RoboPanda says: “I accept your challenge. A headstrong, hot (but not too hot) 30-something career woman gets cheated on by her hot boyfriend and realizes she’s been in love with her hot coworker with whom she’s had an unexplained rivalry throughout the first two acts. Also, they’re all zombies. 40 Dresses Later in theaters this Secretary’s Day.”



So, it’s Resident Evil 9. In Space. OMG!!! I’ll bet Master Chief makes a cameo appearance. Where can I get tickets now?
I accept your challenge:
A headstrong, hot (but not too hot) 30-something career woman gets cheated on by her hot boyfriend and realizes she’s been in love with her hot coworker with whom she’s had an unexplained rivalry throughout the first two acts. Also, they’re all zombies.
The only video game left to be made into a movie is Frogger. Damned if I’m going to pitch it though.
40 Dresses Later in theaters this Secretary’s Day.
They are going to make a movie out of the Aladdin video game on the Super NES… how will they come up with a story from that game?
Two mismatched law enforcement officers are ordered by their no nonsense Black Superior Officer to team up to take down the drug dealer who… blah blah blah. Starring Kimbo Slice and Verne Troyer. Some British actor plays the drug dealer. Dame Judi Dench probably.
She’s the new girl in town, and she’s totally having trouble fitting in, until she meets this totally awesome guy who is just sooooooo sweet and loving, ohmygod. But then she discovers his secret: he’s a zombie! But not like those old zombies. He’s hot. And he glows in the dark or something. But there’s drama, because he can’t decide whether he wants to sleep with her or eat her brains. Soundtrack by Generic Psuedo-Gothy Emo Band.
LET THE FORBIDDEN ROMANCE BEGIN.
A high school teenage girl falls in love with the new boy at her high school. The catch? He’s a zombie. But he won’t eat her because he loves her so much. Watch theaters this winter for “Love is Not Undead.”
My bad Patty. I can’t come up with an original idea either. Just like Hollywood.
There’s this dog that does human things and if he doesn’t help the little white boy’s sports team win the championship, the rec center will be bulldozed and turned into luxury condominiums. For zombies.
Holy shit. Don’t I feel included.
A quiet, elderly gentleman harboring a dark secret tires of sleeping until noon and golf. Taking an interest the in local youth he volunteers at the neighborhood athletic club.
Later, the psychiatrist hired by the prosecution is strangely unimpressed by his tales of zombie fighting on the moons of Jupiter.
A washed up former sports guy is goaded out of retirement by an obnoxious young punk for no discernible reason whatsoever. The old guy seizes his chance for redemption. Starring Hulk Hogan and one of the Jonas Brothers. Soundtrack by System of a Down.
a super hot chick breaks down on the side of the road, a tow truck pulls over to help out, the driver is a total hunk. they bone on the side of the road, very graphic. then, drew barrymore steps on screen and the whole movie goes to shit. also, wizards.
Hollywood should just start making Tracy Jordan’s movies from 30 Rock.
I’d pay good money to see Samurai I Amurai and White Cop/Black Cop.
New guy joins elite military outfit. Seargent thinks he’s a tool. Other guys give him shit. New guy saves day in big battle. After, seargent pats him on the head and says, “That’ll do pig.”
film idea: no script yet but it stars leonardo dicaprio and christian bale and is co-directed by scorsese and eastwood. budget unlimited. special thanks to crispin glover.
oscars ensue
A government agency jeopardizes humanity by researching unpredictable bioweapons – because that’s what government agencies do. A jizzmopper uncovers the plot by accident when a would be whistleblower drops the details of the conspiracy into his bucket. Jizzmopper to be played by James Cromwell.
Some retard does something awesome and suprises everybody who thought he was just a retard. Then he writes his name on the wall in shit and everybody laughs.
She’s a whacky, accident-prone free spirit. He’s an uptight lawyer with no sense of humor. At first they clash, but then they have to learn to work together to survive when NYC is overrun with vampire werewolves.
Starring Cameron Diaz and one of those guys from Grey’s Anatomy.
12 year old Darryl Khan had a dream. So he makes a wish to change places with legendary astronaut playboy uncle. The Hijinks ensues when Darryl finds out his uncle, Commander Bernard Kahn was killed in a plane crash the night before. Don’t miss the feel good movie of the season “Weekend at Bernies 4 – The Wrath of Khan 2″ A Spike Lee Joint
crap basket.. I just passed root beer through my nose… you rock !
Cinderella Story. Smalltown cocksucker meets a millionaire dog felcher at a Bar Mitzvah. They learn a lot about love. Starring Mariah Carey and some cunt from Friends.
[Jumps in the air and raises fist in triumph. Picture freezes. Outro music]
He’s an avid hunter and she’s a strict vegetarian. Will they be able to survive a plane crash that leaves them on a remote island filled with evil sugary creatures? Dessert Island coming soon.
Knocked up!
He’s a political fixer brought in to handle scandals before the media finds out. She’s a prostitute and stripper because this is a Frank Miller story, plus she was hired by the very popular Mayor while he was out of town. He falls in love with the girl he’s supposed to discredit but when she finds out who he is, she leaves him. In the last 10 minutes they get back together when he doesn’t do his job and sticks up for her. Plus he “kils em all.”
SPIN CITY dir. by Robert Rodriguez’s black cowboy hat and pretend co-directed by Frank Miller.
spin city, stared by michael fox, wich is practically a zombie
An impossibly good looking, 23 year old female research scientist, is unknowingly developing the that will save the planet. Only the handsome spy, who she detests at first, knows that a secret government agency is planning on using the as a weapon. Together they must run for their lives, while planning to expose the truth. And they eventually fall in love*.
*With an out of context sex scene, teasingly showing a side-boob view.
An impossibly good looking, 23 year old female research scientist, is unknowingly developing the _________ that will save the planet. Only the handsome spy, who she detests at first, knows that a secret government agency is planning on using the _________ as a weapon. Together they must run for their lives, while planning to expose the truth. And they eventually fall in love*.
*With an out of context sex scene, teasingly showing a side-boob view.