COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
07.26.09(Sometimes when I get nervous, it helps to picture you all like this)
After hogging the glory all week, it’s time I recognize you, fair commenters (swarthy commenters too).
The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).
Okay folks, let’s start at the beginning. Last Monday. HARRY POTTER BEATS BRUNO AT THE BOX-OFFICE post. It was a dark and stormy comments section. Suddenly, Donkey Hodey somersaulted down from the balcony in a crotchless onesie.
Donkey Hodey says: “Radcliffe-friendlier headline: Bruno goes down on Potter’s big opening.”
Next, we move to SAM RAIMI TO DIRECT WORLD OF WARCRAFT MOVIE.
Did I Do That says: I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six spells or only five?” Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Level 70 Night Elf, the most powerful character in the game, and would blow your character of out the world, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, noob?
Cleverness shall be recognized. Next up, the MAGDALENA: THE CATHOLIC WONDER WOMAN post:
Donkey Hodey says: The lady d’offs Protestants too much, methinks.
You have to hand it to anyone who can stretch that far for a pun without pulling a muscle. Speaking of which… ALICE IN WONDERLAND post:
Donkey Hodey says: I hope this movie ends with Alice in Chains. What? I think “Down in a Hole” would be a fitting song.
Remember in Singles, when that one dude takes Kyra Sedgewick on a date, and the two 20-something yuppies go to a little club, and Alice in Chains is up on stage playing “Would?” That was really weird. Haha, good story, Vince. Which brings us to the WHEN BABY GOOSE MET BABY SLOTH post (Ryan Gosling posts are always great for material):
Burnsy says: Hey girl, this sloth is one of the seven cuddly sins.
Donkey Hodey says: Hey girl, I’m kinda jealous of this sloth because he gets to spend his whole day hugging trees.
iwontrememberthis says: Haha, I’ll miss you Scratches.
From there we move on to the BLACK SABBATH MOVIE post, in which I wrote, “How much better would the Final Destination movies be if they were called Megadeth, or Saw if it was called Slayer?”
Donkey Hodey says: The not-yet-announced story of David Carradine’s death could be called “Slipknot”.
The best thread of the week was probably the SECRET DWARF HOOKER thread. Some highlights:
Donkey Hodey says: “She also happens to be a former prostitute, who had wealthy pedophiles for clients.”
Daddy Warbucks always had a thing for little orphan fanny.Burnsy says: I would be so pissed if I found out my 6-year old was really an adult.
Charlie Br0nze says: So, you can just turn up at an orphanage, pick one of these midgets and drive away with it the same day? America truly is the land of opportunity.
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says: Her clients are called Little Johns.
Chino Moreno says: She’s not so much a whore as she is a whors d’oeuvres.
And finally, this comment from the SMOKING 2-YEAR OLD thread may not have been his best of the week, but being that Donkey Hodey made the list six times, calling him the winner is sort of redundant.
Donkey Hodey says: *Tries to pretend that the subject wasn’t a letdown after reading the title*
Well done, y’all. Let’s try to nominate some noobs this week, huh?

Ah, yes, that “awkward” stage between GameBoy and UnlovableManChild.
I remember it well…
Nintendon’t?
PS: congrats Donk and other nom-ees.
Just goes to show, make half the comments in a week, make half the CoTWs.
Hey kid. Be careful when trying to auto asphyxiate yourself with that Nintendo controller. I heard some guy accidentally got transported into a Zelda game doing that. You don’t want that to happen.
…well, maybe you do.
That pic was a Valentine’s Day gift Vince, you weren’t supposed to share.
Is that a Gamecube controller? Get with the times. Freak.
that pic is easily the most disturbing thing i’ve seen in the past 24 hours
Is that a PSPeen?
No, it’s a Nintendick.
Poor guy looks like he’s dying for a Wii…
Nope, I was wrong. He’s dying to be Wii’d on.
Another week without so much as an Honorable Mention?
I’m pissed off now. (stares at keyboard) Look, I go to you. I stick up for you. You don’t help me now. I say “Fuck you,” Jobu, I do it myself.
That thing he’s holding must be a Wii-Wii.
Hey! Did you guys know that ‘Wii’ and ‘wee’ sound EXACTLY the same? ROFLOFLKOFLMOFL!
Ok, the guy in the picture (NOm) wants me to let you all know that he totally had to tuck his huge member to get it to fit under that DS.
This picture was the reason Craigslist ended its erotic-services postings.
Seriously, I know this guy. He is a personal friend of mine. His name for a Calvin, and he did this for the lulz.
also im drunk. pissboot?
Follow the trail to rescue the princess.
He also has Guitar Hero. That’s why he’s smiling like that.
If he challenges you to a Donkey Kong Jungle Beat-off, it’s safest to politely decline.
*crosses legs verrrrrry slowly*
Let’s try to nominate some noobs this week, huh?
You heard him, noobs. Get funny.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/im-too-old-for-this-tit
Michelle07
I thought he was only down with Opie
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/the-goods-red-band-trailer#comments
Late80sRapStar
sure it’s funny when it’s a 10 year boy with a grown man’s body, but when it’s the other way around, the stupid high-and-mighty district attorney gets all bent out of shape …
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/the-goods-red-band-trailer#comments
Did I Do That
I thought only my dad got behind my Step Brothers…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/dead-space-movie-ea-dj-caruso
RoboPanda
I accept your challenge:
A headstrong, hot (but not too hot) 30-something career woman gets cheated on by her hot boyfriend and realizes she’s been in love with her hot coworker with whom she’s had an unexplained rivalry throughout the first two acts. Also, they’re all zombies.
40 Dresses Later in theaters this Secretary’s Day.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/dead-space-movie-ea-dj-caruso
Patty Boots
She’s the new girl in town, and she’s totally having trouble fitting in, until she meets this totally awesome guy who is just sooooooo sweet and loving, ohmygod. But then she discovers his secret: he’s a zombie! But not like those old zombies. He’s hot. And he glows in the dark or something. But there’s drama, because he can’t decide whether he wants to sleep with her or eat her brains. Soundtrack by Generic Psuedo-Gothy Emo Band.
LET THE FORBIDDEN ROMANCE BEGIN.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/knocked-up-was-semi-autobiographical
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ
I think James Lipton should have asked the question that was on everybody’s mind:
Did he fuck his bong?
Legitimately Lol’d me:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Pauly’s Girlfriend: I’m pregnant.
Pauly: Well, let’s go see the gynecologist. Just to be sure…
[in Pauly's car]
Pauly’s Girlfriend: Why are we going to Mexico?
Pauly: [whispers] Shhhhhhhhhut the fuck up….
second pauly
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/downey-jr-galifianakis-due-dat#comments
The Kurgan says:
I’ve always found that mutual masturbation can make even your worst enemy your best friend.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/apatow-a-raaaaaaaandy-movie#comment-209545
mreverdred01
You tend to say something along the lines of, “this movie sounds terrible, but at least it doesn’t sound as bad as this movie:” with a link to a worse-sounding movie. I followed the MacGruber link in this video and in that article you said, “I guess it can’t be worse than View-Master” with a link to a View-Master article. So I went to the View-Master article and in that you say, “After having previously reported on studios going forward with movies about Candyland and Bazooka Joe, nothing should surprise me at this point.” It ends with Candyland and Bazooka Joe, meaning those two movies must be the lowest of the low and nothing can get worse than them. I’m expecting to see those two on the IMDB top 100 worst movies list now.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/ryan-gosling-gas&cp=1#comment-209562
MiZ:
Hey girl, do you wanna 76 later? That’s where only our backs touch so we don’t succumb to temptation.
Wow. Stiff competition this week, guys. And THERE WILL BE A PRIZE THIS WEEK.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/fei-fei-the-sunglass-dog
Deux-Deux-Deux says:
I think he’s just in disguise to avoid being eaten.
“Hey, mistal! You see dericious rooking dog lun through heele?”
“Ree went rataway!”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/prince-of-persia-pictures#comments
I can’t believe this hasn’t been nommed… Stupid vagina euphemisms? Check. Unsubstantiated gay slurs? Check. Goddam HOMONYM? Check. Here it is:
Guy Who Looks Like A Durst says:
Gemma: “Hey Jake, when we finish shooting, I’ll let you ride my magic carpet!”
Jake (smiling politely): “No, thanks.”
Gemma: “I mean … I’ll give you the password to my secret cave!”
Jake: “No, it’s okay. Thanks.”
Gemma: “Oh, okay. I understand. You must be missing Reese a lot.”
Jake: “Rhys? Who’s he?”
^^^ “homophone”, sorry. I’m not good with homos.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/bryce-dallas-howard-victoria-eclipse#comments
Donkey Hodey dismantles Gingers…
It’s only natural considering the Howard family’s natural aversion to sunlight.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/mormons-fear-hollywood?cp=2
Pauly
You would hate Hollywood too if you had 3 wives asking you what’s happening in the movie you’re watching every 10 minutes.
Oh Pauly, I logged on this early just to nom that but I see Chino beat me to it.
Third Pauly.
dead space
Thunderdan says:
a super hot chick breaks down on the side of the road, a tow truck pulls over to help out, the driver is a total hunk. they bone on the side of the road, very graphic. then, drew barrymore steps on screen and the whole movie goes to shit. also, wizards.
-AND-
Patty Boots says:
She’s a whacky, accident-prone free spirit. He’s an uptight lawyer with no sense of humor. At first they clash, but then they have to learn to work together to survive when NYC is overrun with vampire werewolves.
Starring Cameron Diaz and one of those guys from Grey’s Anatomy.
gi joe
Jersey Shore says:
Rip’s special weapon is a bucket of confetti.
mormons
Jacktion! says:
Could you photoshop Olivia’s head on all those bodies?
I’d rather see more Munns.
a nominated comment (a nom com?)
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/bryce-dallas-howard-victoria-eclipse
noMoreno says:
So it’s not garlic that Bella has to watch out for but ginger?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/florence-of-arabia&cp=1#comment-209743
Donk:
I’ll wait for the Cinemax soft-core lesbian version of this: Florence of a Labia.
Holy crap. I make CotW (bronze in a Gosling thread, no less!) for the first time, and don’t even notice for half a week because I’ve been too busy doing other stuff. I need to rethink my priorities.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/cameron-diaz-box-has-a-big-red-button#comments
Crap
Brad Pitt: What’s on the box?! WHAT”S ON THE BAAAAAHHXXX?!!?!?!
Morgan Freeman: A red button. Chill the fuck out, man.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/forgotten-classics-runaway&cp=1
Oski does it too well to not get a nom:
I was down with VelociRap, but Gangsta Raptor is too hardcore for me. I don’t need to hear about drive by pack hunting.
“Uh, we gonna use retractible claws on dem Dinos.
Drinking dey blood and guts like we winos.”
“Slangin’ dat black tar pit heroin
got to hustle in da jurassic period mayne”
Chino Moreno follows it up with this gem:
Know what killed Dinosaur rap? The Vanilla Ice Age.
I swear these aren’t reacharounds: Don Vincenzo decreed this to be ‘Nom-A-Noob’ week, so who am I to argue? (Plus, the racism thing)
spazmodic in the Beth Cooper thread:
You be “graduate” at Hoki Wong Expless!
Ploudry sponsah “I Rove You Beff Coopah!”
—-
spazmodic again (you owe me one now) in the Harry Potter alcoholism thread:
The Order of the Phoenix: ten butterbeers, six dragon whiskeys and a Ginny Weasley, thanks.
second donkey´s nom of chino
Know what killed Dinosaur rap? The Vanilla Ice Age.
Chino obviously has air conditioning at her house, because I’m so fucking sleep-deprived I can’t string two sentences together coherently. From the “Surprise Surprise” thread I can’t remember the rest of the title and can only copy-paste one thing at a time so back off:
If you rub two firecrotches together, would you get a burning bush?
2nd Chino’s burning bush.
Jen Anniston Puma thread: (I call her Jen, we cool like dat.)
Donk – “This is like the script I wrote about a cougar who goes after her nephew’s friends. I combined the two main elements for the title and called it “Cunt”.”
Dick Trickle, who’s either a NASCAR fan or in need of penecillin, made a good pun:
She’s still pissed that Brad was a cheetah.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/jennifer-aniston-is-a-puma#comments
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/jennifer-aniston-is-a-puma&cp=1
I know I only ever nom puns, but you asked for it. Dick Trickle tickles my pickle:
She’s still pissed that Brad was a cheetah.
Dick Trickle is Puwning foolz (I can’t nominate you again, even if you top this one):
Can you do me a Lefevre and take off your bra?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/summits-response-to-rachelle-lefevre#comments
The Mighty One would be lying if He said this didn’t make Him ROFJO a little:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/the-last-airpuncher-the-interview
Jacktion! says:
I heard this guy got kicked off the set of a shitty Ben Stiller/ Drew Barrymore movie.
Variety’s headline: Tennant evicted from Duplex!
florence-of-arabia
Donkey Hodey says:
The two countries decide to merge and become Wasamatar.
The university there is world-renowned.
-AND-
Crapbasket says:
“. . . biting satire . . .” is for pansies. I prefer, stab in the abdomen and fuck the hole satire.
the box
MaxwellDemon says:
This plot is a ripoff of the time Jack in the Box killed a dude.
Beth Cooper
Crapbasket says:
I’m Gonna Stalk You and Make a Macarroni Portrait of You Using My Seed as Glue, Beth Cooper
butterbeer
Donkey Hodey says:
Remember in “Goblet of Fire” when he took that weed and started listening to Fish? Damnit, Rowling, you stealthy cunt . . .
the last airpuncher
Burnsy says:
It’s nice that we could learn who Aubrey is before he died in that horrific helicopter accident yesterday.
mr fox
Pauly says:
[dickpalm]
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/wes-andersons-fantastic-mr-fox-trailer&cp=1#comment-210046
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
“Funny, I know a Mr. Fox that can’t stop his motion.”
Clarifying and going the extra mile with a vagina joke!
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Funny, I know a Mr. Fox that can’t stop his motion.
“Did he just make a Michael J. Fox ref?”
You bet your cervix I did!
Second Pauly. He’s like the Dennis Miller of Filmdrunk.
*sniff* Beautiful.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/james-cameron-avatar-gun#comment-210068
Donkey Hodey
Donk: How do you shoot women and children?
Cameron: Easy, you just use softer lighting!
I 2nd Donk.
Second Donk for rockying my bullwinkle in the Florence of Arabia thread:
The two countries decide to merge and become Wasamatar.
The university there is world-renowned.
In the spirit of good will and kissing ass, I second/third/etc everyone.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/ridley-scott-to-direct-alien-prequel#comments
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
“Ridley Scott go from being the guy who turned down both Alien sequels to the guy who’ll make prequels and movies about Monopoly?”
A movie about Monopoly sounds like Trouble. Definitely an Operation that Ridley might wind up being Sorry he did for the rest of his Life.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/funny-people-review-welcome-back-sandler&cp=1
Burnsy:
Gran Torino with dick jokes would have been much shorter.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/funny-people-review-welcome-back-sandler#comments
Burnsy:
Gran Torino with dick jokes would have been much shorter.
*bangs gong*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/jerry-bruckheimer-world-war-robot?cp=2#comments
I like to think I helped set this one up (it helps me sleep at night).
Donkey Hodey says:
Pumpkins make awesome sex toys. You can have your fleshlight, I’ll take my Jack-O-Lantern. It feels so gourd.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/funny-people-review-welcome-back-sandler#respond
Yeah yeah, Donk is all over this damn page, but this one caught me off guard:
Philadelphia is Boston Legal with AIDS.
-You owe me a new coffee, dick.
I can get you the new coffe, but you’re on your own for the new dick.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/the-other-man-trailer#comments
Fek’lhr:
Liam gets even with Laura by taking her skiing.
Second Fek
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/thank-god-pirates-4-going-forward#comments
Charlie Br0nze says:
After seeing the topless shots of Orlando’s beautiful girlfriend, he’s gone up a notch in my estimation. He’s now at notch one.*
*that gag never gets old for me.
Donkey Hodey says:
That’s the same thing I say about the ether-soaked rag I keep in the van, Charlie.
Great, now i’m a straight man. My parents would probably like that in writing. I’m here to 3rd Fek’s “taking her skiing” … and for the gangbang.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/dead-space-movie-ea-dj-caruso?cp=2#comments.
i’m a sucker for lost in translation comments from those for whom English is a foreign language so Argentino gets a nod for:
spin city, stared by michael fox, wich is practically a zombie
The Mr E.T. avatar is cute too.
other-man
Fek’lhr says:
Liam gets even with Laura by taking her skiing.
FFFA
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
The last time Gary Busey was in a tank without permission, he was ejected from SeaWorld.
rogen and fox
BiggieLaing says:
Babysitting is easy. Just wrap the baby in bubble wrap and let the cat sleep on it’s face. If it crys, you shake it til it stops . . . not rocket science people.
Donk wins.