07.12.09 COMMENTS OF THE WEEK!! (!)

(Pictured: The Three Wolf Mafia)

Disclaimer: This installment of CoTW might be a little longer than usual, on account of everyone being pretty damn funny this week.  But I promise you won’t be disappointed, and usually I only promise the opposite of that.

The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below.  I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

We begin in the BEST TWO-SECOND PERFORMANCE GIF thread, aka THE LAST AIRPUNCHER thread.  I can’t decide which of these I like best:

Donkey Hodey says: That man got past the handbike on the Eliminator on American Gladiators faster than any other contestant ever.JHC says: His nickname in school was Rocky Maraschino.

And of course, it wouldn’t be Comments of the Week without a solid Ryan Gosling thread:

Burnsy says: A 1, a 2, a 1, 2, 3, 4… Hey girl. [simple but effective]

Morton Salt says: Ryan Gosling insists that his band mates aren’t his entourage, but his encourage. [genius]

Oski says: Hey Girl, our music is what you’d call Hug-core.

Donkey Hodey says: Ryan Gosling’s live performances are well known for the cuddle-pits that form in front of the stage.

Chino Moreno: Ryan is also releasing this album on vinyl. Ha ha! I love you Scratches!

Chino Moreno: Ryan’s credo is pecks, hugs and rock & roll.

That deserves a (*slow clap*).  Next we move to DESTINO: WALT DISNEY’S COLLABORATION WITH SALVADOR DALI:

Donkey Hodey says: Walt Disney wasn’t lazy, but he sure liked to Dilly-Dali.

Pauly Dangerously says: This is “The Little Mermaid” through that Rasta crab’s eyes.

RoboPanda: [quoting the original post] “Because roadrunner very clever, you see.”  He also very funny, put pee pee in coyote Acme cola drink.

From THE MOST INSANE CLIP EVER [featuring a killer lampshade and painting of a kitty that vomits blood]:

ChinoMoreno says: My kitty sometimes vomits blood but it stops after approximately 5-7 days so this really isn’t all that insane.

Ahh, nothing makes my heart swell like seeing the Drunkettes be just as vulgar as the boys.  Meanwhile in the BROTHERS trailer, Donkey Hodey became the king of mixed metaphors.

Donkey Hodey says: Blood is thicker than water, but water f-cks better.

In the TONY JAA BACKFLIPS OFF AN ELEPHANT thread:

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says: Alternate Title: Operation Dumbo Drop-Kick

In the JENNIFER’S BODY TRAILER [which featured the now-infamous line 'It smells like Thai food in here: were you guy's f-cking?']:

Robocop on a Unicorn says: It smells like peach schnapps and Birthday cake in here; Were you raping a clown?

Either that or it was Baby Goose’s birthday.  Next, from MICHAEL BAY MADE MEGAN FOX ‘WASH HIS FERRARI’, Burnsy displayed his knack for euphemisms:

Burnsy says: Shia LeBeouf got the job after he “scrubbed the mud flaps.”

Same thread, less relevance:

Donkey Hodey says: I bet Bryan Austin Green’s monogrammed luggage tags make people chuckle.

From the HARRY POTTER PREMIERE THREAD:

Fek’lhr says: Rupert Grint still wonders why all of his jellybeans taste like boogers. [Apparently this was some sort of Harry Potter reference.  I just thought it was funny because Rupert Grint looks like a guy who would pick his nose while eating jellybeans.  Also: anyone else think "Rupert Grint" sounds more like a Harry Potter character name than his actual Harry Potter character's name {Ron Weasley}?]

From MACGRUBER FILM PICKS UP VAL KILMER:

Burnsy says: Val begins all negotiations with: “Can there be a house filled with popcorn?”

Then we had some good action in the GI JOE GOES TO THE JERSEY SHORE thread:

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says: That must be that new G.I. Joe character: BODY SPRAY.

JHC says: I think they were all lining up to beat the sh-t out of the helo because it was calling them out. WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP

First Class Male says: G.I. Jovi.

Moving on to HAWK JONES: 8-YEAR OLD PRIVATE EYE, I thought this bit of fan fiction from Rock Strongo was particiularly inspired.

Rock Strongo says: You know your life’s hit rock bottom when you’re drinking Sunny D at your desk at 10 AM. Well, there I was, halfway to the bottom of my first bottle of the day, when she walked in. She was a pretty enough Dame, looked like one of them American Girl dolls- Susy or something like that. I dunno, I avoid them dames anyway- got me a case of the cooties back in ‘32, not looking to pick that up again. Anyway, this dame comes in my office, shes ’smokin’ Popeye’s, and I can’t help but notice- this was a dame who’d lost her dolly, the worst kind. The dames who come in looking for me to find their dolls, they’re the ones with the cooties- I had to be careful, but then, I also needed lunch money to pay off the local bully and keep my teeth another day…

Well done, sir.  (Though I still don’t know what the hell “smokin Popeye’s” means).  Rock would most likely be the winner if I had a prize to give away this week.  Since I don’t, I choose as my number one newcomer TKE4LIFE.  I do believe that’s a reference to the Teak fraternity, which is kind of like teak furniture if it hung out at the gym and drank Coors Light.  From the HANGOVER 2 thread:

TKE4LIFE says: you know whats goin to lay nuts on the hangover. my boy tucker maxs i hope they serve beer in hell. u better watch out zach, matt czurckhy* iz comin at ya boy - full release on september 29

I’m gonna take a wild guess here: when “ya boy”’s movie does come out, will you “holla” at him?  Further, I bet it won’t be the first time you cheer on one of “ya boys” while he “lays nuts”.  Anyway, it may not have been the funniest of the week, but I’m flattered that Ben Lyons takes the time to comment on my blog.

*I think he’s talking about this guy