I’m putting JHC’s name in the hat for this one:
“Shouldn’t Jake be at the front of this train?”

A gay joke right off the bat, but it’s tasteful because it’s subtle, right?
And I signed up for this just so I could nominate JHC, so that has to count for something.*

*Probably doesn’t count for shit.

Oski says:
Hey girl, when you sway to our music at our latest cafe show, be careful you don’t knock over your coffee. It’s hot and I don’t want you to get burned. And recycle the sleeve that’s made from recycled materials. We’ve only got one earth and she needs us to treat her right. Treat Her Right is our first single bye the way. We only offer it as a digital download to lessen our carbon footprint.

-AND- (Oski again)
Hey Girl, our music is what you’d call Hug-core.

-AND-
Pauly says:
Hey Girl, my album comes free with any donation.

-AND-
Erswi says:
Hey girl, I wrote this song just for you. Wanna hear it here it go!

I wanna make sweet love to you girrrrrlllllll,
But first I wanna take you out to a nice restauraaaaaannnntt,
Maybe see a show afterwards (something really non-threatening,
Definitely not Wicked though cuz I’m not down with the occult),
Then you could give me a peck on the cheek goodnight if that’s cool with you,
Later on I’d call you and see if you want to go out again,
Maybe after four or five dates I could meet your parents,
And I’d be real cool with them and they’d let me call them Jim and Doris,
Then we could take a long walk on the beach in the moonlight and I’d profess my undying love for you, girl
And then if you felt really comfortable with the idea and we took precautions to avoid the transmission of diseases or infections as well as unwanted pregnancyyyy yyy y. . .
Then girl, we’d make love.

Hey girl.

heavy-petting
Pauly says:
Wait, so Kevin Sussman is the dog’s name?

JHC says:
“A bastard’s work is never done” is what my Step-Dad would tell me whenever I had finished whatever god-forsaken chore he had me doing.

ChinoMoreno says:
Donk, I’m sure nobody is out there raping bears. I bet the pepper spray is more like a seasoning for people who like to eat bears (out)

Donkey Hodey says:
I got a salt n’ pepa spray for my bears. That way they know when it’s time to shoop.

I was gonna nom the most off topic COTW, but 222 found one way more off topic. Anyway,
Donk:

Holy fuck, there’s an ad on the page featuring pepper spray for bears!

Who the fuck is out there raping bears?!

(The answer, of course, is dolphins. Yes, dolphins.)

TKE4LIFE writes:

you know whats goin to lay nuts on the hangover. my boy tucker maxs i hope they serve beer in hell. u better watch out zach, matt czurckhy iz comin at ya boy – full release on september 29

Word up TKE4LIFE! Word up, indeed.

/resumes yoga exercise in effort to blow self

JHC says:

His nickname is school was Rocky Maraschino.

GenePoolParty says:

Hey Lindsay. Faux cough.