CMNTS OF THE WEEK: INDEPENDENCE DAY ED. | FilmDrunk: Movie news you can make fun of

Morning, folks. Welcome to another exciting installment of Comments of the Week.

The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).

We start in the SMURFS 3D thread.

Donkey Hodey says: Papa Smurf made Smurfette shave. Said he got tired of eating the Smurf n’ Turf

The rhyming pun says ‘wholesome’, while the oral sex reference says ‘I enjoy oral sex.’ Going for two in a row, here’s Donkey Hodey in the ROCK BAND FOR MOVIES thread:

Donkey Hodey says: So if it’s technically a game, that means there’s a way to fail the scene, right? I’m guessing there’s also varying levels of difficulty. Like in ‘easy mode’, you act alongside Keanu Reeves and in ‘hard mode’ you have to pretend that you can take Mark Wahlberg seriously.

How dare you, sir. Mark Wahlberg is a national treasure. Or am I thinking of Nic Cage? Moving on… To the the TJ HOOKER MOVIE thread…

Chino Moreno says: You know that slut, Denise Richards, is gonna swoop in and steal the part of Stacy Sheridan.

You had to be up on your tabloid stories to get that one. Next up, the RYAN GOSLING IN A TUXEDO SHIRT thread, because Ryan Gosling threads are usually our best work.

Donkey Hodey says: Gosling. Ryan Gosling. I’ll have my shirley temple shaken, not stirred. Why don’t you let me hold your hand and take you to a nice restaurant, Moneypenny?

smileyniv says: Hey, girl, do you think this outfit’s too dressy? I’ve got a t-shirt with a picture of a t-shirt on it if it makes you uncomfortable.

Burnsy says: Hey, girl, I wear this t-shirt as an undershirt in case I pass a wedding and there’s no one to give away the bride.

chodin says: Hey, excuse me, do you think that it would be okay if you guys stopped texting once the lights dim and the motion picture starts? Huh? Okay, haha, never mind. Sorry for bothering you, bros.

From PAULA ABDUL SAT ON A MEXICAN:

Donkey Hodey says: She said she prefers to sit on La-Z-Boys, but they couldn’t find a Puerto Rican anywhere.

The Mighty Fek’lhr says: Paula Abdul keeps R Kelly at home for a bidet.

Chino Moreno: What you can’t see is that she’s using a Turk for an ottoman.

Here’s two that prove sometimes simplicity is best. From the KATHERINE HEIGL ORGASM SCENE thread:

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: She couldn’t act hot if I set her on fire.

And from the ASTEROIDS ARCADE GAME MOVIE:

snake_plissken says: I hope there’s a video game tie-in.

And next up our winner, who proves that when simplicity doesn’t work, go for long winded and absurd.

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:

*we now bring you “When Pauly Met Sally” which is already in progess…*

[enter diner]

Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Pauly: Well, aint no bitch has to fake it with your boy.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Pauly: Because I know, bitch.
Sally Albright: Oh. Right. That’s right. I forgot. You’re a man.
Pauly: What in the f-ck was that supposed to mean?
Sally Albright: Nothing. It’s just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it so you do the math.
Pauly: So you faked it with me, ho?
Sally Albright: Maybe….

[begins to moan, fakes orgasm]

Sally Albright: See….
Pauly: Oh yeah, bitch……[Pauly begins to grunt..] Oh f-ck YEAH! [Grunts get louder] OH SH-T! [Pauly squirts mayo all over Sally’s face] See, told ya.

Older Male Customer: [to waiter] I’ll have what that fat beaner is having.

Yeah. I don’t know what it means either, but it made me laugh.

There are 68 comments about:
CMNTS OF THE WEEK: INDEPENDENCE DAY ED.

Comment Pages: 1 2 »

July 7th, 2009 at 8:50 am

Vince Mancini says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/brothers-trailer-gyllenhaal-portman

Donkey Hodey says: Blood is thicker than water, but water fucks better.

July 7th, 2009 at 8:51 am

Vince Mancini says:

Charlie Br0nze

Bro’s back mounting?

July 7th, 2009 at 8:56 am

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:

Congrats all. Oh Vince, saw The Hurt Locker. One word. Whoa. That film is so nerve racking you’ll leave the theater with an ulcer.

July 7th, 2009 at 9:17 am

bane of trebeks existence says:

who’s the hottie in the picture with the eagle head? i wouldn’t mind Harrying her potter…

July 7th, 2009 at 9:18 am

bane of trebeks existence says:

ha ha… cat’s pajamas…

July 7th, 2009 at 9:19 am

Erswi says:

Gemma Atkinson, bird rapist.

July 7th, 2009 at 9:28 am

bane of trebeks existence says:

good lord, is she sucking in or is that her real Boob to stomach ratio? if so… i think i’m in love…

July 7th, 2009 at 9:37 am

Token Black Guy says:

Recognized from the breasts alone. That’s a talent sir.

July 7th, 2009 at 10:36 am

Donkey Hodey says:

The best of Monday:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/robert-mcnamara-dead#comments

Burnsy on the death of Robert McNamara:

McNamara was known as the Architect of the Vietnam War. I hope he never designed any houses.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/tony-jaa-real-alligator-ong-bak-2#comments

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm Ong Baks 2 into my heart:

Alternate Title: Operation Dumbo Drop-Kick

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/megan-fox-in-jennifers-body#comments

Chino Moreno knows what sex smells like:

It smells like Thai food in here. have you guys been fucking?
I’m married so my bedroom smells like broken dreams and resentment.

AND

relative unknown Robocop on a unicorn draws a mental picture that’s worthy of putting up on the fridge:

It smells like peach schnapps and Birthday cake in here; We’re you raping a clown?

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/elvis-the-robocat-daily-circle#comments

Robopanda chews my Skoal:

I know I said this already: he keeps making all right turns. If only we could get him to make all left turns, he could win NASCAR.

July 7th, 2009 at 11:05 am

Vince Mancini says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/megan-fox-washed-michael-bays-ferrari

Burnsy: Shia LeBeouf got the job after he “scrubbed the mud flaps.”

July 7th, 2009 at 11:23 am

Fek'lhr says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/kristen-stewart-pregnant-w-pattinson#comments

Stinky Peet says:

Do you hear that? It’s either thousands of Twitard hymens breaking or the roof collapsed down at the bubble wrap factory.

July 7th, 2009 at 11:35 am

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:

Completely unrelated to the post but I laughed out loud.

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/megan-fox-washed-michael-bays-ferrari

Donkey Hodey says:

I bet Bryan Austin Green’s monogrammed luggage tags make people chuckle.

July 7th, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/new-poster-features-pile-o-skanks#comments

Get a whiff of Stinky Peet:

Jamie Cheung thought the photographer was terribly insensitive until a stagehand explained he wasn’t addressing her as “Yu Luong Chin.”

July 7th, 2009 at 2:32 pm

Stinky Peet says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/new-poster-features-pile-o-skanks

nominus knows I’m a sucker for a horrible pun:

I’d caption it “The Amityville Whorers”.

July 7th, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Gimme a Gob says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/azharuddin-ismail-moves-into-house

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
….before turning on one of his favorite Hindi songs and dancing around the living room.
Oh, so he’s a fucking hipster? Fuck them and their hindi bands.

July 7th, 2009 at 3:24 pm

FistfulOAwesome says:

Whores seem to bring out the best in all of us. From the Dead Sluts Thread: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/new-poster-features-pile-o-skanks?cp=2#comments

Donkey Hodey says:
You can’t turn a whore into a housewive, but you can turn a pile of them into a house.

Which Deux Deux Deux finishes with:
Which reminds me, if I keep staring at this picture, all their faces are going to be load-bearing.

July 7th, 2009 at 4:19 pm

JHC says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/killer-lampshade-hausu-clip#comments

Chino may gross out some of the fellas, but I’d be happy to pet sit for her-

My kitty sometimes vomits blood but it stops after approximately 5-7 days so this really isn’t all that insane.

July 7th, 2009 at 4:57 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:

I second Chino.

I second her so fucking hard….

July 7th, 2009 at 5:11 pm

madman says:

Third chino

July 7th, 2009 at 6:22 pm

Idiot Boyfriend says:

I second Fistful of Awesome’s call of Donkey Hodey and Deux’s.

July 7th, 2009 at 6:58 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:

Ya know Vincini, I really would have been happy with winning CoTW if that banner pic was on a shirt sent to my address.

But that handski will suffice, for now.

July 7th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

iwontrememberthis says:

Fourth Chino. Awful and brilliant, which is the best kind of comment.

July 7th, 2009 at 11:33 pm

Robocop on a unicorn says:

Thanks for the support donk

July 8th, 2009 at 3:41 am

FistfulOAwesome says:

I’ll Fif’ Chino (which is a strangely low amount for her on a working day).

July 8th, 2009 at 8:07 am

Erswi says:

Looks like I’m late to the Chino train wreck but i’ll go ahead and hit her up for number six anyway.

Never been so content to follow five other dudes before.

July 8th, 2009 at 8:50 am

Deux-Deux-Deux says:

I don’t think I’ve ever been nominated before, so thanks for that. I’d have to go with Stinky Peet’s bubble wrap line.

July 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am

Vince Mancini says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/emma-watson-harry-potter-premiere
Fek’lhr
Grint still wonders why all of his jellybeans taste like boogers.

July 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am

ChinoMoreno says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/dali-disney-destino#comments

RoboPanda

Because roadrunner very clever, you see

He also very funny, put pee pee in coyote Acme cola drink.

July 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/dali-disney-destino#comments

Donkey Hodey says:

Walt Disney wasn’t lazy, but he sure liked to Dilly-Dali.

July 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am

Fek'lhr says:

Second BoPa pee pee!

July 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am

Donkey Hodey says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/dali-disney-destino&cp=1

Pauly Dangerously knows perspective when he sees it:

This is “The Little Mermaid” through that Rasta crab’s eyes.

July 8th, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Fek'lhr says:

Wow, Lince, The Mighty One generally doesn’t look a gift stallion in the teeth, but your nom of His Grint post means one of three things:

1. You got that joke because, much like Him, you have a close loved one that is a HP freak and have knowledge of HP by sad, insidious osmosis, and we should start a support group.

2. You got that joke because you are a closet HP fan and He needs to beat the gay out of you.

3. You actually don’t get the joke at all, and it seemed so bizarre you felt compelled to nominate it, making Him look like an ass for posting this.

Either way, He wins.

July 8th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

RoboPanda says:

swine flu
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
Should have had the headline: Ginger Ail

Destino
Pauly says:
M-I-C-K-E-Y….
Fuck, I’m fucking high.

MacGruber
Burnsy says:
Val begins all negotiations with: “Can there be a house filled with popcorn?”

lansbury
Donkey Hodey says:
When Vince “breaks for lunch” it means he goes outside and dances for money.

July 8th, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Fek'lhr says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/gi-joe-on-the-jersey-shore#comments

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:

GI Joe at the Jersey Shore

That must be that new G.I. Joe character:

BODY SPRAY.

July 8th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

iwontrememberthis says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/gi-joe-on-the-jersey-shore

First Class Male says:
G.I. Jovi. Now with more acrylic nails and venereal diseases!

[I only want to nominate the "G.I. Jovi" part though. Is that possible?]

July 8th, 2009 at 3:34 pm

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/gi-joe-on-the-jersey-shore

JHC says:

I think they were all lining up to beat the shit out of the helo because it was calling them out.

WOP WOP WOP WOP WOP

:-)

July 8th, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Fek'lhr says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/the-greatest-2-second-performance-ever#comments

Gaius Caligula says:

I hate having to point this out, but he was spazzing out *before* the goal was scored :(

July 8th, 2009 at 5:07 pm

JHC says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/hey-girl-i-wrote-you-an-album?cp=2#comments

Chino-

Ryan is also releasing this album on vinyl. Ha ha! I love you Scratches!

July 8th, 2009 at 5:15 pm

ChinoMoreno says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/hey-girl-i-wrote-you-an-album?cp=3

Stinky Peet:

All of Ryan Goslings guitars are tuned to the key of “B natural”.

July 8th, 2009 at 5:17 pm

ChinoMoreno says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/hey-girl-i-wrote-you-an-album

Donkey Hodey

Hey girl, I know our guitar parts are a little simple, but that’s just because I don’t feel comfortable playing the *whispers* G string.

July 8th, 2009 at 5:22 pm

MaxwellDemon says:

Lansbury post–I second this emotion:

Donkey Hodey says:
When Vince “breaks for lunch” it means he goes outside and dances for money.

July 8th, 2009 at 5:23 pm

Stinky Peet says:

Same Gosling post, Chino, and I swear this isn’t a reach-around:

Ryan’s credo is pecks, hugs and rock & roll.

July 8th, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:

Chino:

Ryan’s credo is pecks, hugs and rock & roll.

July 8th, 2009 at 8:22 pm

B.K. says:

This isn’t exactly fair, as Burnsy has the most practice at it, but still, this Burnsy comment in the Gosling thread made me laugh:

“Hey girl, the band reminds me of the time we did karaoke with your parents. Which reminds me, tell David and Margaret I said hello.”

July 9th, 2009 at 9:49 am

Vince Mancini says:

Well done.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/hawk-jones-8-year-old-private-dick
Rock Strongo

“You know your life’s hit rock bottom when you’re drinking Sunny D at your desk at 10 AM. Well, there I was, halfway to the bottom of my first bottle of the day, when she walked in. She was pretty enough Dame, looked like one of them American Girl dolls- Susy or something like that. I dunno, I avoid them dames anyway- got me a case of the cooties back in ‘32, not looking to pick that up again. Anyway, this dame comes in my office, shes ’smokin’ Popeye’s, and I can’t help but notice- this was a dame who’d lost her dolly, the worst kind. The dames who come in looking for me to find their dolls, they’re the ones with the cooties- I had to be careful, but then, I also needed lunch money to pay off the local bully and keep my teeth another day…”

July 9th, 2009 at 10:06 am

Donkey Hodey says:

Second Rock Strongo

July 9th, 2009 at 10:30 am

Vodka says:

Third ockStro

This one made me chuckle from http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/number-1-dvd-12-rounds#comments

SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:

I’d rather do 12 Rounds of chemo than watch that shit.

July 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am

Vodka says:

Chino makes domestic problems funny in http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/will-smith-magician-movie

ChinoMoreno says:

My dad was a street magician, too. He made himself disappear when I was 8.

July 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am

Stinky Peet says:

http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/will-smith-magician-movie

Donk gives the dead horse one more solid whack:

The child then wishes for all children everywhere to be safer and Michael Jackson dies.

07.07.09 CMNTS OF THE WEEK: INDEPENDENCE DAY ED.

Comment on this post:

RELATED POSTS

TOP POSTS ON FILM DRUNK

THIS ROXX ON GAMMA SQUAD

THIS ROXX ON WARMING GLOW

SITE NAVIGATION

EMAIL TIPS

FOLLOW US

Site Archives