Landline TV‘s videos keep getting better, which is nice, because they save me the trouble of expending all my energy on brilliant industry analysis and photoshopping Paula Abdul on top of Mexicans. Anyway, this is their first video since Megan Fox is CGI, and this one’s about the special Homeland Security task force created to deal with an increase in movie quoting caused by the release of Brüno. Haha, stupid frat boys with their beer bongs and their movie quoting. What a bunch of losers. (*looks around*) (*whispers*) Psst, Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/blockbuster-announces-netflix-style-split-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/06/Ryan-Gosling-dog-patches-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/04/April-fools-day-landline-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/02/Anne-hathaway-oscar-dresses-150x150.jpg)
Surely you can’t be serious?
Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?
Anybody who thinks otherwise is a dipshit with a nine toed woman.
Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?
Anybody who thinks otherwise is obviously not a golfer.
At least it’s an ethos.
Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?
Anybody who thinks otherwise finds strangers in the Alps.
Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?
Anybody who thinks otherwise needs to get the fuck out of Malibu.
I’m done, cuz it’s time for some fine canine cuisine, or maybe some cat tacos from the roadside taco truck. Somebody is wanting some burning turkey squirts tomorrow and I’m thinking it’s this guy! [points to Stoney's crotch]
Is it safe to start quoting Beavis & Butthead again?
That’s hot.
I HAVE NO LEGS! I HAVE…NO LEGS!
LUKE, WE’RE GOING TO HAVE COMPANY!
IT’S NOT A TUMAH!
Allllllllllllllllllllllllllrighty then.
Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?
What are you, a fuckin’ park ranger, man?
Buzz. Your girlfriend. WOOF!
I don’t want his pork chop…
*grabs apple from Miklo’s tray*
I want his life.
WOLFMAN’S GOT NARDS!!!
Don’t be fatuous, Burnsy.
No more Yankee run drinkee. Donger need food.
HEYYYY YOUUUU GUYYYYYYSS!
What’s your prediction for the fight?
My prediction?
Yes, your prediction.
*looks into camera*
Paaaain!
We’ve got Bush. WE’VE GOT BUSH!
I’m your dingleberry.
The next person who says shenanigans is getting taken out back and pistol whipped.
I was just thinking of the immortal words of Socrates when he said “I drank what?”
If Chino’s still around she should check her FB inbox.
Robert better not get in my face… ’cause I’ll drop that motherfucker!
Yes your honor, it’s true. This man has no dick.
*runs up hillside*
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiIIIIIIEEEE!
It’s the cans!
HE HATES THESE CANS!
You skin that smoke wagon and we’ll see what happens!
Listen mister, I’m getting awful tired of your…
*Wyatt slaps him*
Are you gonna do something? Or just stand there and bleed?
Now that’s a shame, when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.
I feel like a banker in this.
Fuckin’ A.
Man, you better get your Shelenkem-Shilom ass up off this box and pass me a motherfuckin’ brew.
You… complete me.
I SMELL PUSSY!
Hand ME the keys, you fucking cocksucker.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, and asking him to love her.
*ahem*
WELCOME TA EARFF!
Maybe he should have thought about that before he decorated his porch with my friend.
I ain’t got time to bleed.
*whoops*
Sorry, I should’a put that in the Predators thread. My bad.
We’re on a mission from God.
Somebody’s gonna have to go back and get a shitload of dimes.
I love you Honeybunny.
Thash da way thinsh are gone in Shicago!
Back and to the left. Back and to the left. Back and to the left.
GET. ME. A KEG. OF BEER.
Git yo mad ass in dis pool wiff me!
I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy cork-soakers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes… like yourselves.
Private, why do you have a peace symbol on your chest and Born to Kill written on your helmet.
I think I was trying to say something about the duality of man, sir.
The duality of man? What side are you on son?
Our side, sir!
Well then you had better unfuck yourself and get with the program or I will fuck you up!
I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were more organized than this.
How many swamp rats can you get in one room?
Can I just spend the rest of this thread quoting Full Metal Jacket?
DON’T YOU KNOW THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM?
Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Huh? Think, McFly.
Cripple the dick!
I follow orders or people die
Quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Move it! Or I’m going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short dicks every cannible in the congo!
Who you callin’ Spook, Peckawood?
Sweep the leg
Yes, it’s true. This man has no dick.
What is this? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!
A jelly donut!
Well, no shit. A jelly donut.
Anything you put in my mouth, you’ll lose.
Bah…
I wanted to kil every panda that didn’t have the sense to fuck to save it’s own species.
It’s like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob!
Here’s three salty lookin’ dudes…
You Mus sure know how to party!
PUT THE LOTION IN THE FUCKING BASKET!
Did you know turtles are nature’s suction cups?
Hair pie? Sank you very much! Hair pie? Sank you very much!
THIS WAS NOT A BOATING ACCIDENT!
Look at my tits… they’re perfect
What is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
What the fuck is a Robster Craw?
I aint from Africa. YOU from Africa, you African Booty Scratcher.
Would you fuck me?
I’d fuck me.
I’d fuck me sooooooo hard.
Fek, African swallow or European swallow?
It’s a mail plane
How can you tell?
See the two little balls?
BEANERS! Gonna kick you in the face!
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!
Oh, man. How you gonna keep ‘em down on the farm once they’ve seen Karl Hungus?
Uncle Bully. UNCLE FUCKING BULLY!
Something is afoot at the Circle K
Every sperm is sacred…
You killed the bride’s father!
Sorry, didn’t mean to…
“Didn’t mean to?”, you ran your sword through his head!
Oh…is he alright?
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.
This ain’t Lucky Lager!!
Jesus, this is a nice limo.
Yes, it is. Now suck my cock.
You’ll shoot yer eye out, kid! HO HO HOOOOO!
Fek creams Himself a little
SHITTER’S FULL!
I bet she gives great helmet.
Where’s your stupid faggot fucking god now eh?
John Ratzenberger in: ‘Cliffbanger’
Fuck you guys, I missed that thread.
Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.
You know, Mr. Frodo, share the load!
You’ve got red on you
Excuse me holmes?
MAN…FUCK YO MOMMA!
Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never produces positive results.
I…uhh… have to return some video tapes.
Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Hell, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it would do any good.
I’ll club a baby seal to make a better deal!
Look, are we ever gonna get the BIG table in here, or do I have to go cut down that fucking tree myself?
Oh, she at da church. Mallying gleasy Bohonk.
Let’s burn some dust. Eat my rubber.
I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve been *missing* work, Bob.
The popcorn you are eating has been pissed in. Film at eleven.
Put’em in a bodybag, Johnny!
Listen, you smell something?
Stop that rhyming, and I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
“Prepare to die, Earth scum! Prepare to die, Earth scum!” I’m gonna make sure they carve that on your tombstone!
Why aren’t they trying to kill us?
Maybe they want to capture us…and TORTURE us to death!
The bet is $20.
$20.
You have to have carnal knowledge, of a lady this time, on the premises.
Aristotle was not Belgian, the principle of Buddhism is not “every man for himself”, and the London Underground is not a political movement. I looked them up Otto!
Sometimes, you just gotta say “What the fuck”
You guys see the size of that chicken!?!?
Stick around!
Let off some steam, Bennett!
*talking through a puppet on his hand*
Why did Milo cross the road?
Cause his dick was stuck in a chicken.
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
I had to let him go.
DON’T THROW IT TO STONEHANDS!
WHOA!
*good luck figuring that one out, fuckers*
Do you have a kiss for daddy?
Hmm, one of those kinds of families eh.
This town needs an enema! *TWEEEEEEEEET!*
Look at the fun bags on that hose hound.
Yeah, he must work out.
Now wait just a Goddamn minute. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for twenty-four thousand dollars? That’s too fucking high.
Do you know how fast you were going?
Well, no officer. You see, the speedometer is kinda melted to the dashboard there.
Are you a reeeal redhead?
BONG!!!!!!!!!!
new up
How’d you like to make 14 dollars, the hard way?
Gary was just taking a shit.
Anybody ever tell you you look like a penis with a little hat on?
Do NOT wear the shirt of the band you are going to see. Don’t be that guy.
YOU IDIOTS! YOU’VE CAPTURED THEIR STUNT DOUBLES!
Have you ever tried to suck your own dick?
I can’t stop saying it unless you tell me what it is!
I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
Wax on, wax off…
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, fuck / Mother fuck, mother fuck, / Noise noise noise, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noise, noise noise / Smokin’ weed, smokin’ wizz, / Doin’ coke, drinkin’ beers, / Drinkin’ beers, beers, beers, / Rollin’ fattys, smokin’ blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin’ blunts and smokin’.
Don’t just look at it, eat it.
Robo, I love that movie.
I know where the fuck Miami Beach is, dummy.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
3263827!
Mmmm, egg salad-y.
Who is your daddy, and what does he do.
Joey, have you ever been in a… in a Turkish prison?
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.
So we get these strippers right? BIG fuckin’ tits, and we put em up on the cars..
We reserve the right to refuse service to assholes like you.
I only got one rule. I do not work on January 8th, cuz it’s Elvis’ birthday.
Uh-huuuh, hunh!
They threw me out like sack of MOLDY tangerines!
This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold.
This town means as much to me as a festering bowl of DOG SNOT!
You want me to drag him outside and kick the shit out of him?
Timelines? TIMELINES? This is not time to be arguing about time! WE DON’T…HAVE…THE TIME!
He got all of that one!
My name is Cliff, brother of Joe. I got me some crack. I want me some hoes!
YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
That’s from Sarah Marshall, not LOTR.
*winks at Fek so as not to offend a fellow MW3er*
JHC I heart you.
You can take over a few classes from the older men, but until you start plowing pertinent wives, you really aren’t working.
Al, is that quote from the homemade porn we made when I kept feeding you wine coolers? You were pretty out of it.
You tryin’ to tell me Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?
I’m not a pessimist, I’m an optometrist.
You may run like Hayes, but you hit like shit.
You play ball like a GIRL!
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
Doctor.
J, I was hearting you for the Val Kilmer one, and now that I have “Weird Science” stuck in my head, I can’t even remember the title.
Al, It’s Real Genius
Why are you wearing that thing on your head?
Because if I wear it anywhere else, it chafes.
Can you hammer a six inch spike through a 2×4 with your penis?
Not right now.
A girl’s gotta have standards.
Al, maybe you’d remember if you take a step back. Then take a step forward.
There can be only one
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Doctor.
What do you two animals want to do first?
Scored how many points higher on the entrance exam and thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?
BTK – after the Goat’s giagantic fat ass, Bar is over there reportedly nekkid (I have not watched it)…
A man’s got to know his limitations
… it’s so “giagantic” it needs an extra A. I should throw in some U’s too. Maybe an Eaux.
*might have come back from lunch drunk*
…but at least I did come back…
Only good quote . . . or actor . . . or anything from this POS movie:
Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!
Vy am I dripping vis goo?
When do you think you’ll be done?
Two weeks.
Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
Al, you can never have too many Eauxs.
What’s a taint?
I dunno, but it sounds pretty bad.
Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages.
Honey! C’mon over here, Sugar-buns. This machine just called me an asshole!
The power of the force has stopped you, you hosers.
RUN FOR YOU LIVES, THERE’S A SHIT CLOUD COMING
You’re the man now, dawg!
Life is beautiful. Really, it is. Full of beauty and illusions. Life is great. Without it, you’d be dead.
Tummler sees everything. Some say he’s downright evil. He’s got what it takes to be a legend. He’s got a marvelous persona.
We ain’t partners. We ain’t brothers and we ain’t friends.
That little girl from Salt Lake City / Two quart legs and two rubber titties / Loves electricity, but she burns off gas / Got a V8 pussy and a Cadillac ass.
IT’S A FAKE!
Smells like wetback dick!
Foot-Foot, where you been? You smell like a dookie, girl.
It’s a lesbian cat. You can tell?
Looks like my mom.
you what? You were gonna call me a nigger weren’t you?
No I wasn’t!
Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?
Asshole. How’s that? Asshole.
YOU TRIED TO TOUCH MY SISTER’S COOCHIE!
It was fuckin’ obvious that that cunt was gonnae fuck some cunt.
GET IN THE BACK OF THE VAN!
Hey, if you only have one nut left, is it still your left nut
They’re all dead. They just don’t know it yet.
I was nowhere near Oakland!
Sit down and shut up you big bald fuck!
I’m on vacation, MAAAAAN!
Well you glorious fuckers I’m off on vacation for the next ten days. As I sit on the porch of a mountain cabin all shitfaced, ride horses on the beach and watch the sun go down from the veranda of our beachside bungalow all shitfaced, eat fine fire cooked meals all shitfaced, and kid the fuck out of the kids for making one little goddamed peep while all shitfaced, I not think about you. Well, maybe a few of you, but only to laugh at your working slob asses. Kisses!
Diremutt, out!
Spider pig, Spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does. Can he swing, from a web, no he can’t, he’s a pig.
Looks like you could use the Aunt Jemima treatment.
You telling me the man who try to put a rubber fist in my anoos was a homosexual?
Next time, they’ll be shit on my knife instead of my dick.
You should not have done that to my brother, Cruzito, ese! Know what I mean jellybean? You wanna dance? I know a tune, it’s called stick and cut.
Monty, you terrible cunt!
Diremutt, out!
Good day, pusscake.
Son, you got a panty on your head.
Come on Rosie, take a hit man! Put a little mota in our love life!
HIT THE DECK, BOY!
He will flip you. For real.
Have you seen my wiener?
Your friend with a cleft asshole?
Say “what” again.
Get off my lawn.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern and Dan Rosen are dead.
Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me… please?
Wow, it’s like that spam-bot knows you guys personally…
Shut the fuck up, Donny.
IT’S A TRAP!
There’s no basement in the Alamo, silly!
Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
Nugent. Ted Nugent.
NED RYERSON???
MY NAME’S JOHNNY UTAH!
I want you to clean your vagina.
It’s “daddy”, you shithead! Where’s my bourbon?
You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
I don’t think you want to go to Seth Efrica.
This is for…Matilda.
(now I’m gonna tear up)
OK, you guys got me, I’m shirleyling39 :(
Al, 30 lashes of Fek’s wet, blue noodle for you.
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.
This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!
Oh, fuck it, I don’t have to talk, either, man! See how you like it. Just total fuckin’ silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We’ll just see how you like it. Total silence.
This is your brain on the box… this is MY brain on the box… Does anyone else feel like a fried egg??
Sell crazy someplace else – we’re all stocked up here.
I think my last two comments sum up the Drunkards with great depth and clarity.
Yup, those goofy bastards are about the best thing I got going.