(Yo, dawg, we heard you like walls so we put walls in your house)

India treats their national treasures so well that Slumdog Millionaire actor Azharrudin Ismail recently moved into an apartment foreigners had to buy him just months after the Indian government knocked his house down and kicked him into an open sewer like a piece of garbage.  Director Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson are still in India securing a place for Ismail’s co-star, Rubina Ali.  Meanwhile Ismail and his mom moved into their $50,000, one-room apartment.  Pff, for that kind of money, you can get a mansion in Detroit with a fence made of corpses.

“I was shocked when I saw this house,” Azhar, 11, said, before turning on one of his favorite Hindi songs and dancing around the living room. “I want to thank Danny Boyle for giving us this flat.”

Really?  He actually put on a Hindi song and danced around?  Now what the hell am I supposed to make a joke about?  Wait, could he also call him “Mr. Danny?”

Azhar’s mother Shameem Ismail said she is looking forward to their first night in the new apartment.” God has given me so much,” she said. “We will sleep very well tonight. There is no water leaking, no bad environment, no quarreling.”

She and Azhar will share the main room, while Azhar’s brother Irfan Ismail Sheikh, 22, and his wife will sleep on a mattress in the kitchen, she said.  Meanwhile, back in Garib Nagar, Azhar’s father, Mohammed Ismail, sat disconsolately on the hard wooden bed crawling with flies that the family used to share. He will remain here, and visit his son and wife in the new apartment regularly, he said. He said he’s hoping to get some government land in exchange for the shanty, and prefers to remain near the neighbors, chickens and mucky lanes he has always called home.

Azhar’s mother said she doesn’t want her husband in the new house because he does drugs, but she pledged to return to Garib Nagar for visits.  [HuffPo]

At which point Azhar’s father took a huge bong rip and grumbled, “Yeah?  Well at least the flies put out.”