Opening this weekend

Funny People
No, it’s not as funny as Knocked Up, it’s 20 minutes too long, and I realize you probably won’t like it as much as I did.  Nonetheless, it’s a real movie, which is rare, and it’s the best thing Adam Sandler’s done in ten years.  And on the other hand, so’s your face.

The Collector
I can’t believe someone had the balls to put “From the writers of Saw IV, V, and VI” in the trailer.  Gee, guys, that’s quite the plug.  This summer… from the makers of speed bumps, techno, and stubbing your toe on the f*cking coffee table… The only way the bad guy could have a more stupid looking mask is if he made it out of Colin Hanks’ face.

Not Quite Hollywood
This documentary about the obscure-yet-awesome genre of Ozploitation films only opens in New York and LA, but the filmmakers sent me a cool playlist of Ozploitation flicks to attach after the jump.  They did my work for me.  And I like that.

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Here’s video of Seth Rogen on Jimmy Kimmel last night.  The back story on this is that Rogen was explaining how the first time he was on the show, he was on with Megan Fox before the first Transformers.  She was going on after him and she was nervous, so before the show she came to his dressing room to ask if he’d stay onstage during her interview.  He agreed, and thought when she came out, he’d seize probably the only opportunity he’d ever have to sneak a peck on the cheek from Megan Fox.  Only she disses him.  On national TV.  Then Kimmel plays the clip, and it’s every bit as bad as promised.  She kisses Kimmel on the cheek, then walks by Rogen, and as he leans in, she totally ignores him.  And the saddest part isn’t the rejection, it’s his instantaneous knowing acceptance of it.  “Yeah, I get it, I probably wouldn’t kiss me either.”  You poor bastard.  I used to be like that, before I learned how to be smooth around girls.  You don’t go begging for kisses on the cheek like some schlubby pussy. You just gotta sock ‘em in the arm and go “Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?” 

And then it’s Miller time.
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Friday Free for All is that time of the week when blah blah blah here’s a funny video.  Send your tips to lance@filmdrunk.com

What we have here is one of those “waaait for it” videos, where you know something really cool is about to happen and you pray that it won’t blue ball you or fail to deliver.  The scene is a US/Mexico border crossing in the 80s, at that one border that just has a dirt road and a single crossing guard, you know that one?  Yeah, so anyway, long story short… GARY BUSEY IN A TANK.  He salutes the guard and the guard lets him through, because everyone knows that’s just how Gary Busey hunts coyote.

[via EverythingisTerrible - thanks to Burnsy for the tip]

Bonus Friday Free for All:
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Variety’s Mike Fleming today reports that Pirates of the Caribean 4, which lost director Gore Verbinski earlier this year, is close to hiring Chicago director Rob Marshall.  Ha, more like BUTT Pirates of the GAYribbean, amirite?  …Anyway, this is good news, because Chicago is one of my top 10 favorite musicals starring Queen Latifah and Richard Gere.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney have been meeting with a number of directors in recent weeks, because the studio wants to pull the “Pirates” film together and have Depp star in it before he does “The Lone Ranger” for the producer and the studio.

According to theplaylist, the plan for Pirates 4 is to focus solely on Depp’s Captain Jack.  Which is fine by me as long as there’s a ghost story, or some robots or aliens.  That’s what I love about Jerry Bruckheimer, he really knows how to spice up a boring old story about cannons and swordfighting and rape. I mean, who’d wanna watch that?  (I hate you.)

Christ, I should be working at the Enquirer with these headlines.  Anyway, we all remember when Katherine Heigl whined because Knocked Up was sexist, right?  Good.  Well Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow recently went on Howard Stern, who naturally asked them about her.  They responded by saying the obvious things, but it was still cool because Katherine Heigl is a bitch.

Rogen says he doesn’t see how Heigl’s new comedy, The Ugly Truth, makes women look even better. “That [movie] looks like it really puts women on a pedestal in a beautiful way,” he quipped.
Added Apatow, “I hear there’s a scene where she’s wearing … Underwear …with a vibrator in it, so I’d have to see if that was uplifting for women.”
Even more baffling, said Apatow, “We never had a ‘fight’” with Heigl while filming. “Seth always says, it doesn’t make any sense - she improvised half her s***,” Apatow said. [USWeekly]

And then Rogen was all, “Yeah dude, it’s like she doesn’t even have a BRAIN!” and I looked over and he was totally holding his nuts so it looked like a brain.  So hilarious, bro, you should’ve been there.