06.19.09 FOR ZOMBIES BY ZOMBIES
Zombieland is a film with a concept so boring I can barely bring myself to write about it. It stars Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg as Columbus and Tallahassee (get it? their names are cities!), two guys who kill zombies. The zombies chase them and want to eat their brains, but they kill them in funny ways, and somehow this goes on for two hours.
Columbus is a big wuss — but when you’re afraid of being eaten by zombies, fear can keep you alive. Tallahassee is an AK-toting, zombie-slaying’ bad ass whose single determination is to get the last Twinkie on earth. As they join forces with Wichita [Emma Stone] and Little Rock [Abigail Breslin], who have also found unique ways to survive the zombie mayhem, they will have to determine which is worse: relying on each other or succumbing to the zombies. [IMDB]
Well it’s a good thing they didn’t rely on cheap gimmicks. This movie feels like it was written by Judah Friedlander’s hat.
[Also available in HD at Apple]
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There are 59 comments about:
FOR ZOMBIES BY ZOMBIES
Atlanta, their black friend, gets taken early.
Detroit gets eaten by the zombies because of his uncontrollable kleptomania.
Don’t you want to go,
Where everybody eats you braaains!
DUN!DUN!DUN!DUN!
And Little Miss Sunshine
Has Gone Insaaaane!
DUN!DUN!DUN!DUN!
Austin is just a punk bitch of a name.
This may be the first time in my entire life that I wish I was in Wichita.
Eufaula just stands there and watches the other survivors run past in both directions.
Key West could give less of a shit about Wichita and Little Rock, but he likes him some Tallahassee.
San Francisco only likes getting eaten by guy zombies. Preferably ones that work out and have frosted tips.
Rancho Cucamonga just hides in his basement taking bong rips.
Pittsburgh is somehow invisible to the zombies. It’s like he has nothing for which they hunger.
Ashton Kutcher was penned in as an aluminum bat toting, beer drinking, frat boy who liked to knock zombie’s head clean from their shoulders and yell “That’s outta here!”. The producers thought the name Omaha was gay though.
Yeah, I got nuthin’.
They had a guy called West Des Moines in their group but killed him because they were kinda sure he was probably a zombie. It’s hard to tell with West Des Moines.
You know the social order has dissolved in the scene with Walla Walla being banged.
Seattle tags along because he puts the rains in brains.
St. Pauly steals the audiences heart as he steals the zombies’ bicycles.
Every time Bronx sees a zombie smash through her window, she swivels her head back and forth and says “Oh no he didn’t” all while chewing on three day old Double Mint gum.
Boise will be played by Flava Fav.
Kansas City just sits around bitching about how nobody will build him a light rail system until the zombies come along and put him out of his misery.
St. Louis is sitting in jail while all of this is going down.
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man just shoot at the fuckers while making simple comedic quips.
Hmmm, that’s not quite the same. But that movie was awesome! Amarite? High five!
Bismarck used this as a pre-text to invade Pierre.
Wait…is Woody Harrleson the wuss, or the guy trying to get the twinkie? Is Jesse Eisenberg the Twinkie? Man, where are the ghostbusters when you really need them (to explain metaphors).
Cleveland kills himself in the opening frame.
Compton can’t afford a gun, so he just runs the zombies over with his 84 Candy Apple Red Metallic Caprice on 24s.
Is it just me or do these zombies seem to be fairly Mobile?
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