06.01.09 WOLVES AND VAMPIRES AND BLACK GUYS OH MY!
It’s a great day to be alive, because the trailer for New Moon, the sequel to Twilight, just hit the web (watch it below).
In it, Bella goes to a vampire birthday party but then she gets a paper cut (…from a cake?), and the vampires can’t control themselves at the scent of her blood. Get it? The blood is like a metaphor for the sweet Mormon poon that all the guys want. But they can’t control themselves around it, and that’s why you have to do it in the butt until you’re married. Anyway, so then Edward the super-white vampire casts Bella off into the woods for her safety, and before long a vampire less moral than Edward, ie a black guy, comes and tries to eat her, because as every Mormon knows, black people are made of mud and thus not to be trusted. But just as she’s about to be attacked (girls are so helpless without shirtless boys to save them, lol!) some half naked savage TURNS INTO A WOLF and saves her. Holy sh*t, when did the abstinence parable turn into a three wolf shirt? This might be awesome after all.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/12/SharkSkiing-BudLightOtter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/12/TomCruise-KnightDay-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/12/NicCage-Kick-Ass-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/12/Marmaduke2-150x150.jpg)
There are 26 comments about:
WOLVES AND VAMPIRES AND BLACK GUYS OH MY!
Call me if that wolf goes on to win the state basketball championship.
You know what I said about that last thread being the gayest thread ever?
Neverfugginmind.
I used to invite Mormons in to teach me how to get on fire on NBA Jam.
Call me when that swarthy dogman starts offering her imitation crab meat.
A black vampire would never eat her.
So he saved her from a Fang Bang?
Gang Fang?
Bruns, Cheeeeno, you are both so nominated when we have a nom thread.
Robert Pattinson possesses a portrait of Brendan Fraser that he keeps covered at all times.
Black vampires drink blood 40oz at a time.
Hey Stone, you could say that forest is a real Fangsters Paradise.
Whackety shmackety WHEN THE FUCK DID I EAT WATERMELON?
Bella: “Kiss me…”
Edward: “LOOK OVER THERE!!!” *turns into bat, flies off*
Hispanic Wolves are susceptible to Mang
e.Sure it’s an accident when she says, “Ouch, papercut” but why does she take her panties off and whisper, “Hatchet wound”?
hahaha, Kurg I haven’t thought about NBA jam in years. I played that game so much.
New Moon trailer in HD
HD of course stands for Horny Daughter.
I’d show this movie my New Moon but the doctor told me not to expose it to air (dicks) for at least a week.
http://failblog.org/2009/06/01/carnival-ride-background-fail/
moderately nsfw, but incredibly epic
Jesus, she must be fun to have around the vampire mansion during her cycle.
Thanks for saving me, but I really don’t want to buy a dreamcatcher.
No, NO! I said NO! EDWARD HELP! THE MINORITY TOUCHED ME!
They didn’t cast her out just for bleeding. She bled all over the fucking cake. Edward wasn’t sure he could take that because it took so long to bake it, and he’ll never have that recipe again. Oh No.
Oh, Donkey, everyone knows Mormon girls don’t menstruate since they’re free of sin. Didn’t you watch Carrie?
I’ve seen Lou Diamond Phillips turn into a dog, but what he was doing crawling around naked is beyond me.
A vampire fucking a human is like a man fucking a cow. But really, dont play with your food kids. * cymbal crash*
Jesus. If your black vampire doesn’t have an Afro, a giant gold medallion, and platform shoes, go back to the drawing board because you’ve done something wrong.
Speaking of Mormons, Blackula is the Mormon doctor from Season 4 of House. Which may be the greatest transition from Awesome to Suckage in the history of acting.
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