From the director of the flipper-handed remake of Prom Night comes another remake, of The Stepfather. It stars not Steve Gutenberg and Penn “I swear my parents gave me this gay-ass name” Badgley in film about oh Christ if you can’t already predict the entire plot the only thing you should be doing on the internet is buying a drool catcher. Was this plot really that complicated that it had to be a remake? “What if your stepdad… was evil?” THAT’S THE ENTIRE MOVIE. My only hope is that this is all a ruse to sell popcorn that makes you sterile.
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This movie left cigarette burns on my neck, told me I’ll never be anything, and raped me when it was drunk.
This movie isn’t my real Dad.
This movie spits tobacco juice on the carpet and fingers my mom in the kitchen.
This movie can flawlessly recite the lines from Top Gun.
*points at Soups crotch*
This movie stares too long at my sister.
If they had gotten Judd Nelson this could’ve been a sequel to the Breakfast Club. “Heeyy….smoke up Johnny!”
This movie told me to go live with my faggot dad.
This movie beat my Mom and blamed me for it.
This movie smokes Marlboro Reds, gets drunk and throws cases of pop through windows, likes NASCAR, and farts when he bangs your mom.
This movie ran off with a stripper named Candy while my mom was out of work disabled.
*Soup’s crotch points at me*
This movie fell asleep with his hand rolled cigarette on and burned down our trailer.
This movie calls me by the wrong name and steals the dollar out of my Roos.
This movie threw the plate of potatoes au gratin and Hamburger Helper at my Mom cause it was too cold.
Is a stepfather like a pimpdaddy who dances? I want my two-step bitch! *smacks innocent stranger*
This movie drinks from the orange juice carton in his underwear and asks me “What the fuck you looking at, dicksuck?”
This movie comes out of the bedroom and makes me smell its finger.
This movie lied when it said it wouldn’t hurt.
This movie will awkwardly attempt to talk to you about sex when you’re old enough since he figures your real movie is a dumbfuck.
Wow, after reading all of this, He finds that it’s amazing that we don’t patrol school zones in ice cream trucks to abduct children for BTK.
This movies drives a ’79 El Camino SS.
This movie will randomly show up drunk at my dorm room and ask who’s ready to party.
This movie shaved its balls with my razor.
This movie thinks we could get along great after some group therapy sessions to find common ground and a trip to the water park. Then it molested me.
@ Fek’s 1:48;
You forgot, “True Story”
This movie makes me wake up early to pick the dog shit up and says I’ll never be as good as his ‘real’ son cause I’m too fucking lazy.
This movie stands over me while I’m sleeping, whispering, “You think you’re hot shit?”
This movie is trying to get my mom to break up the family trust so he can get his Harley fixed.
This movie said the only reason it stayed with my Mom is because she gave him herpes.
This movie never took me to the circus.
This movie owes my mom $7,000 and better not let me see it.
This movie showed up drunk to my career day and told all the boys in my class to get themselves a “Fine-ass sugar momma like his boy, Donk’s got”
This movie made me help carry a big blue box out of the house around the time my mom ran off with some guy.
I learned how to do drugs by watching this movie, OK?!
With all due respect to Vince, I bet Farrah would still rather watch this movie.
This movie is too drunk and high to play catch with me.
I stole this movies roaches and got high for the first time.
I’m asking my mom if I can take karate lessons so when I’m bigger, this movie can’t do to my little brother what it did to me.
This movie was possibly the baddest-assed high school athlete. Ever.
This movie pulled a boot party on my dog “Jimbo” with his three buddies after they caught it humping the neighbors dog “Rocky” cuz he was, “Fagging up the place.”
I think this movie abducted me off a street in New York back in 1955.
This movie isn’t allowed near its own kids.
I’ll never call this movie by it’s first name, ever.
Even if there’s a fire.
This movie may seem blurry, but dont you dare yell “Focus!” at that screen one more time, you little piece of shit.
This movie promised to take me to the monster truck rally, but passed out on grain alcohol instead.
My brother was lucky, he only had to see this Movie every other weekend because the Judge let him live with our real movie.
This movie chased my aunt around the house with mistletoe at Christmas time.
This movie gave me my pudding even though I really fed my meat to the dog under the table.
This movie took pictures to remember the day we spilled the blue paint.
This movie says that I really have all of his shortcomings.
I blame the projectionist on that though.
This movie asked me if I know where to get some cocaine.
Actually that was me Pauly. I just used a deep voice on the phone to try to sound like this movie.
When I brought a girlfriend home to meet the family, he asked her if she knew I was a fag.
This movie is 3 years older than me and fucks my Mom loud.
This movie taught me everythinng I ever needed to know about the ZOG machine, the jigaboo plague, them fuckin pepper bellys, how the zipper heads will eat my pets, and how those sand monkeys hate Jesus.
I’m well adjusted.
This movie wrecked my car while drunk and asked me to tell the cops I was driving it.
I’m getting this movie some Aquavelva for next Sunday.
My Mom makes me tell this movie I love it.
This movie got offended that my sister didn’t ask it to walk her down the aisle, then spent the entire reception hitting on the bridesmaids.
This is the best movie my mom’s going to get at her age and I need to just learn to accept that.
So i looked up original 80′s movie and the evil step father in it was played by the actor who played John Lock on “Lost”.
I continue to type in random factual observations amongst the tom foolery.
The worst part is that I graduated high school with this movie.
This movie ain’t tryin’ to win no Oscar, it’s just tryin’ to get its plot back on track. Also, let’s face it, your mom gives it some nice risin’ action.
This movie pissed into my sax because horn playin’s for cock lickers.
This movie says I’m as stubborn as my Mom.
This movie convinced me that it loved my mom more than my dad because it can put up with all her bullshit and faggot kids.
This movie gives awkward hugs.
This movie tapped over my favorite Simpsons episode with a home video of him banging my mom.
This movie yells at me in DTS 5.1
This movie is proud of the coverup work and the way your mom’s name came out on his shoulder tattoo.
This movie sent my Mom to tell me my music was to fucking loud.
This movie got wasted and pissed in my hamper in the middle of the night.
This movie talks a lot of shit about how he could whoop my real movie, but when they’re in the same room, this movie almost wets it’s film case.
I couldn’t find my Golden Retriever Lucky because this movie killed it and tossed it in my neighbor’s pool.
This movie gets the big piece of chicken at dinner.
This movie let Rent-A-Center take back all the furniture from his old place when he moved in with my mom except for the refrigerator. Now he’s got one for the garage.
This movie kept flirting with sister by whispering things like “You smell ripe” in her ear.
This movie said it would write me everyday from prison.
This movie drove across the lawn to run over my bike because I don’t take care of my shit.
If you hate this movie so goddamn much, how come you spent three pages talking about it with your buddies on a Thursday afternoon? Sounds like you’re just jealous of this movie.
This movie held me down and tattooed a swastika on my ass with a red hot Bic pen.
This movie kicked me out of the house and made me live with my grandmother.
This movies not all bad. It paid me 5 bucks to wash its car.
This movie’s daughter is The Miley Cyrus movie.
This movie told me that punching out a hooker puts hair on your nuts.
“This movie’s daughter is The Miley Cyrus movie.”
Hannah Montana or that one in the shower I downloaded?
This movie lets me finish the bottom of it’s King Cobra.
This movie said he was taking me and my brother out for ice cream but really took us so we could be the lookouts while he robbed a convenient store.
This movie got me drunk for the first time just so it could kick me in the ribs for puking on the lawn.
This movie says that Lynard Skynard is better than my “jungle music”.
This movie fixed up his ’79 Mustang with my college fund money.
This movie wears a t-shirt that says “I’m with stupid” with an arrow that points straight up.
This movie likes to flick his cigarette ash in my cereal.
This movie told me that the reason black guys have such big dicks is because they don’t have any toys to play with.
That probably explains why I have a fairly large member. Fucker wouldn’t ever have any money left for me after buying shitloads of gifts for his real kids that didn’t even live with him.
This movie wrote his name on the hot dogs so no one would eat them.
This movie begged me not to call the cops after he hit my Mom cause another assault charge would be it’s 3rd strike.
4″ is big, right? Wright? Write? Just fuckin’ lie to me.
This movie grows weed in the back yard.
This movie turned my tree house into a meth lab.
This movie is an expert on everything and yet struggles to hold down a steady job.
This movie likes to reminisce about all the fucked up shit it used to do when it was a teenager but insists that I have my ass home by 10 and not a fucking minute later.
This movie just flicked me in the back of the ear because I’ve been online blogging for hours.
This movie is rated A for asshole.
This movie tells me that I give better blowjobs than my mom.
[High fives üłPåÿ]
This movie pissed in a sink full of dishes and made me clean them cuz I was hogging the shitter jerkin my pud.
This movie knows which county lock-ups have the best food.
I agree with this movie, Chino.
This movie, despite all the horrible shit it does to me, is a Notary Public.
Out of all these movies His mom made Him watch, the only one that *wasn’t* Neo-White Nationalist propaganda was a child molester. (True story!)
This movie can’t handle the fact that it’s going bald.
This movie accidentally walks in on me when I’m in the shower all the time.
This movie sawed a woman in half, but he’s not a magician.
This movie wrote a song about Donald Duck so paedo-riffic, even John Wayne Gacy called it, “Fuckin’ creepy.”
This movie threatened to kill my dog if I tell my mom about ‘our little secret’.
This movie isn’t trying to replace your IMAX megaplex (but it is anyway).
This movie jerks off to Rue McLanahan
This movie says he voted for Bush twice, but doesn’t really vote.
When do we get a thread about “Stepmother”?
I’m friends with this movie.
This movie calls his sister a fag even though she’s a dyke.
I stole this movie’s porno mags and showed all my friends.
This movie says that the track marks on his arms are from donating blood to the Red Cross.
Why is there an ad for an IQ quiz asking what the “capital of the state of Canada” is? Was there a hostile takeover I’m unaware of?
This movie thinks Zac Efron is pretty enough to fuck.
This movie says I’m in the shower to fucking long.
This movie found my stash and “says” he flushed it….
For some reason, when I’m out in public with this movie he tells me to hold on to his belt loop.
This movie makes me look at it big turds. I am either impressed, or sleeping in the garage.
This movie met your mom when she worked at Hooters.
This movie, to this day, wears cut off jeans for shorts.
This movie says that psychiatrists are for puffs.
This movie tought me how to drive at the age of 9 by making me drive it home when it was too drunk.
This movie farts and calls me over and asks “Do you smell something burning?”
New up :(
This movie puts pictures on his Facebook of him teabagging my mom.
This movie swears it was a roadie for Poison and got fired when it walked in on Brett Michael buttfucking a black midget named ‘Teenie Peetie.’
This movie comments over there.
This movie stuck his dick on the gallon of ice cream so nobody else would eat any.
This movie accidentally brushes my sister’s boobs everytime they pass in the hallway.
This movie movie got shit housed, naked, and threw up in the pool at my 15th birthday party.
This movie tells me how good my mom “cleans the pipes.”
This Movie, while drunk, fully admitted that his marriage to my mom is just a cover for the Witness Protection Program after he helped the FBI bring down John Gotti.
This Movie scored four touchdowns in a single game back in high school.