06.30.09 RYAN GOSLING IN A TUXEDO SHIRT

“Haha! I love the rose on my chest cause it’s close to my heart….just like you.”

Haha, just kidding girl. I would never wear this to your Twilight prom in Forks. Wouldn’t that be so silly?

I got you a screen-print of a corsage to wear so you don’t feel underdressed, baby.

Ryan Gosling really thinks he should have shaved for this occasion.

No, girl, I like it and it was so very thoughtful of you, it’s just that I’m more of a cummerbund type of guy. Vests remind me of biker gangs and those guys are scary.

Haha! This was so funny in 1982!

Ha Ha! I want to be formal but I’m here to party, Patches!

Haha! See, the pants don’t match the jacket! How wild is that!

Hey girl, I chose short sleeves so you’ll only have my arm to hold.

Yeah, this shirts a little small… compared to my heart.

He looks Sizzler appropriate. Am I missing something ?

Hey girl, I had to wear this shirt because I spent all my money on your corsage.

Dude, what’s up with Baby Sloth’s eyes?

hey girl, I have a rare psychological condition which forces me to always look slightly to the left of a camera whenever someone takes a photo…girl.

*giggling devilishly*

LOL, IT’S A RENTAL! Oh, I know. I’m so bad!

I don’t wear real bow ties ever since Carraddine died–respect.

No girl, I’m not Seth Meyers. But thank you for asking.

[suavely]Gosling. Ryan Gosling. I’ll have my shirley temple shaken, not stirred. Why don’t you let me hold your hand and take you to a nice restaurant, Moneypenny?

Not pictured: Ryan Gosling’s chastity belt boxer briefs.

Ryan Gosling wears this as an undershirt just in case he passes a wedding and there’s nobody to give the bride away.

Not pictured: an ounce of human meanness.

Hey girl, this is what happens when I try to do my own laundry. I’m so lost without you.

Haha! No, I don’t need this Life Alert necklace, I just wear it in case somebody else does. I miss you Grammy.

That square in my wallet? That’s just a wet nap, girl. You don’t know where that door handle has been.

Sorry to be morbid girl, but I want to be buried in this. That way I still look dressed up, but I’ll use up less resources that way and it will be better for the environment.

These aren’t real pockets, but don’t worry–I have enough room in my heart.

Hey girl, I’ve also got a regular t-shirt in case you think I’m moving too fast.

Hey girl, I know this is a Perkins, but everybody should be seated in style.

Hey girl, you don’t think this is too much for our dinner at Applebee’s do you?

Hey girl, remember when Jackie Chan made that movie about the Tuxedo that made him super strong? This shirt does something similar. It makes my hugs super warm and cuddly. Come try it out, LOL!

Hey girl, after we get married, I can show you my shit that makes it look like I have a hairy chest. It’s naughty! Rawr![cat scratching motion]

Hey girl, do you think this outfit’s too dressy? I’ve got a tshirt with a tshirt printed on it outside if it makes you uncomfortable.

Hey girl, I also have one that looks like a blazer/undershirt combo if we need to go more casual.

Hey girl, it’s not the camera flash that’s making me squint. It’s your beauty.

Hey girl, I’m a Penguin! Get it…..

Hey girl, see that name on the board over my shoulder? That could be your name, too.

maybe he’s just wearing a ryan gosling wearing a tuxedo shirt bodysuit with interchangeable accessories. You know, like, if Mr. Potato Head were just the sweetest guy in the world.

Hey Girl, I was kinda hoping we can have a “black tie affair” date but still be comfy…

Hey girl, you remember how I said some of my best friends are black? I grew up next door to Anthony Mackie. Let’s go see his grass roots play. No, no, no. I’m the one who’s underdressed.

Hey girl, sorry I’m late, but I had to run by the ATM and get some money for this poor fellow that had run out of gas. He is from out of town see, and was on his way to visit his sickly mother when…

LOL! I’m wearing a shirt that looks like a bare chest under this one!

Haha! I man queefed! Faux Pas!

“Hey, come on girl, you know that I can’t kiss you right now. I totally saw you take a sip from that Sparks and, well, it just wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of you.”

I also got Patches a collar that looks like a bowtie! We’re going out in style tonight, LOL!

Ay me pito!

Hey girl, I just wanted to make a good first impression on your folks. Having their respect is very important to me.

Oh geez! No free range chicken on the menu. We gotta go, girl.

Hey girl, I’m gonna keep my hands in my pocket, so you won’t feel like I’m pushing you into anything.

Hey girl, I only wore this because every day with you is worth celebrating… Oh, um, I’ll have number four I guess…

“Hey, excuse me, do you think that it would be okay if you guys stopped texting once the lights dim and the motion picture starts? Huh? Okay, haha, never mind. Sorry for bothering you bros.”