06.10.09 QUICK HITS
Here are some of the stories I would’ve covered had I not been waiting for Time Warner to turn my cable on for four hours. But everything’s cool now, because it almost works.
Shane Acker’s 9, which actually looks kinda cool, has a new poster. Based on my extensive research, that staff looks like something you’d shove up a dude’s ass.
Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley sold Cal of the Wild to Dreamworks. I don’t know what it’s about, but it doesn’t matter – that title is pure gold! |Variety|
Rob Cohen has backed out of xXx: The Return of Xander Cage in order to direct Medieval, “an event-sized action film that Cohen calls ‘The Magnificent Seven’ in the Middle Ages,” and I’m sure will be good because it’s being directed by the guy who did xXx and Dragonheart. Not to mention Stealth. Remember Stealth? (*fart sound*) |Variety|
Ben Stiller washed his hands after touching Mexicans and apologized by demanding a job in the Mexican government or something. Seriously, try to figure out what the f-ck’s going on in this story. |Yahoo|
Of course. The Star Trek coffin. “He died the way he lived: cold and alone.” |Toplessrobot|
Weinsteins are having money troubles, and because they really need Inglourious Basterds to be a hit, they’re demanding Tarantino cut it by 40 minutes. I wished they’d had money troubles while he was editing Death Proof. |TheWrap|
Dueling John DeLorean (the guy who invented the car) biopics are in the works, including a version from James Toback (Tyson), Brett Ratner, and Robert Evans. $10 says Ratner collects a big paycheck for doing absolutely nothing yet again. Reached for comment, Ratner said “Gnugh?” and coughed up a nacho. |Variety|
And finally, James Marsters, the guy who played Piccolo in Dragonball Evolution, claims there’s going to be a sequel, even though it only made $9 million in the U.S. Because somehow, it made $45 million in Asia. Figure that one out. Who knows, maybe it doesn’t suck if you squint. |somesite|
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There are 28 comments about:
QUICK HITS
Not to nitpick, but Stealth is actually about a *silent* fart.
Paying Brett Ratner not to make movies is money well spent.
Brett Ratner wants to concentrate on John DeLorean’s development of time travel through use of discarded food.
The dude in that poster carries that thing around so he knows when he’s having a good idea.
that staff looks like something you’d shove up a dude’s ass.
So that’s where it went. (shoves up ass. Shoves staff up too) Mmm! Warm.
Is “Cal of the Wild” about a kid named Caleb who gets left in the woods?
Holy shit that’s the actually title, not a typo. FAIL (them and me both).
I usually lick my fingers after touching a Mexican. *pulls a Blue Steel in Ben Stiller’s immediate vicinity*
Yeah, maybe I can’t spell. At least I don’t go around calling movies “event-sized”. Advantage: me.
*struts to bathroom to take event-sized dump*
Out of all these, I think I’d like to see Duelin’ Banjos done in hand farts.
I’d rather see ‘The Dirty Dozen’ in the Middle Ages. It would basically be about any random twelve people.
Weinsteins are having money troubles
Mel Gibson just popped a boner.
I rather see ‘Love in the time of Cholera’ set in the middle ages because it’s about the middle ages.
The Magnificent Seven would be even better if they set it in feudal Japan. There could be like… I dunno… seven of those samurai guys and they could protect the village. Awesome.
Maybe he could then adapt this new Emile Hirsch movie, and set it in 17th century England. That would be cool too!!
A medieval Magnificent Seven is more or less The Seven Samurai, isn’t it? Fucking dicks. They’ll be setting it in space next. Meh.
*glares at Xvi then picks nose*
Zombie Kurosawa is starting to punch his way out of his coffin.
I don’t think this film will have a good take in Germany;
“Kluas, lets go to see a movie, ya?”
“Nien!”
“Fine zen, cokengoblenslut!”
I would just like to say
FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER FUCK TIME WARNER
phew
“…waiting for Time Warner to turn my cable on for four hours.”
Good one Vince. I use that one too when I don’t feel like working. “I’ll be in late because I have to wait for the cable guy.”
The classics never get old.
Oh, and FUCK TIME WARNER for me too.
*wink wink*
Vince can’t write unless he gets his daily dose of Oprah
GRRRR…SCREW YOU NEWSWEEK FOR ACCUSING HER OF HAVING GUESTS THAT MISLEAD HER VIEWERS WITH BAD MEDICAL ADVICE!
The punishment of working for the Mexican government because you tried to be sanitary is the text book definition of Montezuma’s revenge.
This is boring. I had to get up really early and it seems to me like Vance shoulda posted something new by now. Isn’t it like 18 hours ahead in New York?
Great, more creepy Tim Burton stuff. I expect a busy week for Tattoo Parlors and Hot Topic stores in September.
Fuck it all Al! What is it there? Like -3 o’clock?
<— still not good wiff metric
LOOOOCH and SWI! I had to get up at 4 to drive my friend to the airport.
Yes, it turns out there IS a 4 in the morning.
Woooooooo IT’S ALIVE!
New up.
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