There are a few stories going around today, but most of them aren’t worth more than a couple sentences.

“The long-gestating Lance Armstrong biopic has brought on a writer well-versed in sports comeback stories and could shoot as early as next year.”  Execs described the project as “like Seabiscuit with nut cancer.” |THR|

Fred Durst says Obama was created by the Jews or something.  |ContactMusic (notorious liars, btw)|

Here’s Linkin Park’s new single from the Transformers 2 soundtrack.  The video features a guy rocking out while manning a mixing board, which should tell you everything you need to know about Linkin Park. |MySpace|

Rosebud was a black chick. Tyler Perry’s new movie, I Can Do Bad All by Myself has a new poster. I’m gonna be pissed if I wake up one day and find out Tyler Perry’s movies had a map to the treasure in them. |MSN|

Iron Man writer Justin Theroux is set to direct Chief Ron, about blue-eyed dude who fought to build an Indian casino in New York.  Hopefully he gets Kurt Russell to star.  Captain Ron, Chief Ron – just a couple more before he fulfills the Village People cycle.  It’s every actor’s dream. |Variety|

Wall-E director Andrew Stanton is set to begin shooting his live-action John Carter Goes to Mars in Utah this November.  People in Utah are excited, but Mormons get excited about anything.  |KLS|

Amy Poehler will produce and star in Lunch Lady, based on a graphic novel about a crime-fighting lunch lady.  A crime-fighting lunch lady with a blonde vagina.  |THR|

A porn actress was diagnosed with HIV, leading some health officials to demand pornstars wear condoms all the time.  Sure, buddy, and maybe I’ll start jerking off with a dish glove while we’re at it. |LATimes|

Joss Whedon says he was approached about the reboot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer but wasn’t interested.  That’s makes two of us, broheim.  |EW|