OPTIMUS PRIME HAS NARDS?
06.05.09
A batch of new Transformers 2 pics have gone up over at IESB, and as you can see – GRRRR, ROBOT CROTCH BULGE! Anthropomorphizing the robots just gives them more… personality, ya know? Kinda like how in the first one, there was a jive-talking, break-dancin “urban” robot named Jazz who of course got killed in the first battle. I guess even in the robot army they make the black guy go first. Oh, and also you get to see a picture of “Devastator”. IESB sez:
In one totally sick shot, Devastator’s immense size is shown in comparison to everything around him. Plus Optimus Prime is looking tore up from the floor(board) up. [*air guitar* -Ed.]
Whooooaaaaa, dude, they totally zoomed out really far so they could CGI an EVEN BIGGER ROBOT in there! My mind is officially blown! The future is wow!
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In regards to Optimus’s nuts: One shall stand. One shall fall.
A jive talking robot is exactly what Eddie Murphy has become.
Hmmm… needs more motorcross.
“And I’ll form the head!” is exactly why the Voltron force got rid of the gay guy.
Optimus has a crotch bulge huh? Well they did make him a “Peter”bilt right?
Me thinks Michael Bay dated a lot of girls who said, “Aw, Mikey, size doesn’t matter.”
Unrelated…Michael Bay’s favorite microphone to use on set is a BOOM Mic.
Production Assistant: “Sir, we need the specs on Devastator for the CGI crew.”
Bay: “BIGGER IS BETTER.”
PA: “Um, sir, can you give us the scale that you want for the robot?”
Bay: “THIS TIME… SIZE MATTERS.”
PA: “I quit.”
Bay: “GO BIG OR GO HOME.”
Optimus looks ready for a little Autobot Erotic Asphyxiation.
I haven’t spent this much time analyzing a robot’s crotch since ‘Small Wonder’ was still on the air.
Just spray a little WD-40 on that and he’s good to go.
Now that’s what I call a “5th Wheel”
Anyone else notice that the “black transformer” was also a Pontiac?
Makes sense. Optimus is a trucker. He needs something for hitchhikers to suck.
He calls his crotch the “Junk Yard”.
Well a dick on Optimus is key seeing as Bay attempting to thoroughly rape my childhood.
Dollars to donuts that Optimus Prime’s sperm looks like the little robots from ‘Batteries Not Included’.
The Asian model has a “short” circuit.
He likes to put peanut butter on that thing and let Truckasaurus Rex lick it off.
If this is any indicator, R.C.’s cooch’ must be huge.
Optimus: HEY BABY. YOU WANT TO GO FOR A RIDE?
I named my vibrator Optimus Prime.
Don’t judge me punks.
Revenge of the Fallen is actually Autobot impotence.
Devastator: Kick him in the nards!
Star Scream: Transformers don’t have nards!
Devastator: Just do it!
(Star Scream kicks Optimus Prime in the nards and he collapses)
Star Scream: Transformers do have nards…
What you gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?
Official Answer: All Transformers have a pocket dimension where they store they’re extra parts when they aren’t using it. As for where Optimus’s back part of the truck goes to? No official answer other than it was necessary for the animation to simply get rid of it. (Pushes Up Glasses. Looks at Megan Fox. Removes Pants)
Oh, so it’s THAT kind of glove compartment.
Watching demolition derbies must be like watching gangbang porn for Transformers.
Optimus Prime fucking a Monster Truck would chronicle my life’s journey.
Pauly: Throw in some Terminators and NOW we’re talking.
Question:
If I tug on that will he honk?
Gives us new meaning to Prime’s deathbed last words, “Til all are one.”
I call my ejaculate “transmission fluid”.
When asked for comment Rosie from the Jetsons said, “Mmm mmm mmmm!!!”
Megan Fox won’t fall for that “Hey, want to ride in the cock pit?” line twice.