ABRAMS & CRUISE CONFIRMED FOR M.I. 4
06.18.09
As originally rumored a few days ago, Hollywood Reporter is confirming that JJ Abrams and Tom Cruise are teaming up to produce a fourth Mission Impossible, which, if Hollywood sequel-naming trends bear out, will probably be called The Mission Impossible. 
Unfortunately, it looks like Abrams won’t be directing (as he did on Star Trek, which was awesome) and it’s unclear whether Cruise will star (though that part isn’t as unfortunate).
Abrams directed Cruise in the third installment of the TV-derived franchise, which grossed $395 million worldwide in summer 2006. Relatively speaking, “MI:3″ was a box office disappointment, since the second film grossed $545 million worldwide and the original raked in $452 million.
Though Abrams is not on board to direct the new “Impossible,” he and Cruise could reconceive it in a way that is closer to the ensemble approach of the TV series. Or they could reconfigure Cruise as Ethan Hunt in a less front-and-center role, as some kind of mentor to the new M:I crew. Then again, no one can rule out Cruise as the guy who will carry the franchise for the duration. [THR]
Or maybe Cruise will do battle with a horde of space lesbians, accompanied only by his masturbating iguana, Reacharound. Gosh, journalism is fun.
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MI VI: Xenufield
Oops, I mean IV, silly zombie. The sixth installment will be about the smoke monster.
Inset: “I’M WITH GAY!”
In this one, Ethan Hunt trains his long lost son, Mike, in the ways of espionage and subtle fuck-puns.
I think Homophobic Turtle would be more appropriate for Ms. Cruise.
This mission proves the most difficult for Cruise as his sole objective is to enjoy having sex with a woman.
“He and Cruise reconceive it” is a statement that Tom wishes he could tell his friends on how Suri came to be.
Ethan Hunt must return to Thailand to uncover the murder of a famous actor by a secret ninja society without getting so fucking hard.
“Impossible Missionary Force” is what Katie Holmes calls the position where Tom is on top.
from last post to present post i see 2 cocksuckers….although i’m only interested in the last one.
more olivia munn jiggling tits please.
Fuck! I thought Tom Cruise was short…Is JJ Abrams 4 foot 12?
@Pauly
JJ could play Operation by reaching in with both hand and taking out the “spare rib”.
Tom Cruise was shocked to find out he was actually fucking JJ Abrams instead of Katie Holmes, yet that didn’t stop him.
JJ has that dyke look down.
What the hell is this today, a sausaagefest? It’s too early for the piss boot!
JJ Abrams got his facial features from his Father who, by the looks of it, was a character sketch artist on a pier.
True story: The Mighty Feklahr auditioned for the part of the guy that follows Tom Thumb…er, Cruise around with a milk crate to stand on so he can look tall in photo ops, but, as it turns out, we had incompatible extra-terrestrial theistic beliefs.
In that picture, somebody just asked Cruise and Abrams who farted.
When J bumfucks Cruise, he calls it a Star Trek. “To go, Boldly, where many men *Door forced open*
“We’re Paramount studio lawyers. (hold guns to my head) We believe you were about to write about Mr. Cruises happy relationship with his lovely wife?”
“Sure, Sure. Hehe, Tom should work for Hairymount” (shot)
Of course it was Cruise… you could tell by the sound of all the air escaping an inflatable mattress after the plug is pulled.
I’ll be goddamned if that JJ isn’t one dick-nosed, dyke-looking motherfucker!
This sequel is simple shit people. Get a guy in there . . . dunking the fuck out of a basketball! Another guy, doing a handplant on the edge of the motherfucking Grand Canyon! And another guy, having anal sex with a screaming monster, in a hang-glider! You know what I fucking mean?!?!?!!
(Do not nom this; I’m quoting something.)
@DH: Vince beat you to it: click the attachment.
Banner Pic:
I knew it! From the look on Tom’s face…he’s terrified of pussy.
Reporter: Mr. Cruise! Mr. Abrams! Could you please show us via hand pantomiming what exactly you two do when you’re alone together?
Now I feel like a douchebag for calling the pic an attachment and missing like 3 gay jokes.
Damnit, FistO, you’re right.
JJ Abrams and Tom Cruise already did the “Mission Impossible”…..
The No-Handed Standing 69. Holding up each other using only the power of suck.
At Pauly: IMDB lists both of them as being 5′ 7″ so i assume tom cruise stand on a box in public whenever photos are taken the same way he stands on a box whenever he is cast opposite a non-midget actress. (I swear I read somewhere that since nicole kidman is so tall she had to stand in a hole for some of the scenes in a movie she was in with him.)
Completion of the No-Handed Standing 69 is required for entry into their secret boys club, known as The Lollipop Guild.
@antcow
Ironic seeing as Tom had to kneel at a hole in the bathroom stall of an Arbies.
Tom Cruise is infamous for wearing lifts in his shoes.
When do they stop being lifts and start being orthopedic Frankenstein shoes?