06.18.09 M. BAY TAKES HIS ROBOT BALLS & GOES HOME
Fresh off the news that he’s won a spot in the Guiness Book of World Records for directing “the biggest explosion on film with actors present,” reports say Michael Bay has filmed his last Transformers movie and has had enough of big-budget blockbusters.
Bay says he’s sick of receiving negative reviews from critics who dislike his movie-making style and is determined to move away from the genre. He says, “It’s easy to go shoot an art movie in a winery in the South of France. But people have no idea how hard it is to create something like Transformers. They review me before they’ve even seen the movie.”
And Bay admits that if film bosses give the go ahead for a third Transformers movie, they will have to find a different director. He adds, “After the three and a half years I’ve spent making these movies, I feel like I’ve had enough of the Transformers world. I need to do something totally divergent, something without any explosions.” [movietickets - note: I'm not sure how reliable this source is]
Michael Bay trying to live a life after explosions would make a classic fish-out-of-water reality show. It would be like when Superman gives up his powers in Superman II, or that old State sketch where an aging pornstar becomes a gas station attendant, and keeps pulling the nozzle out and spraying the gas all over the hood. It’ll be like that except with Michael Bay going, “What do you mean I can’t bring my tiger in here? Now the chaps are just going to look ridiculous. Yeah? Yeah? Same to you, buddy. I wouldn’t let my tiger crap in this dump.”
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There are 31 comments about:
M. BAY TAKES HIS ROBOT BALLS & GOES HOME
“It’s an everyday thang, when your robot balls hang”
- M. Bay
You can take the Bay outta the BOOM, but you can’t take the BOOM out of the Bay.
This art movie in a winery in the South of France is simple shit people. Get a guy in there . . . dunking the fuck out of a basketball! Another guy, doing a handplant on the edge of the motherfucking Grand Canyon! And another guy, having anal sex with a screaming monster, in a hang-glider! You know what I fucking mean?!?!?!!
Michael Bay’s wife: “What’s wrong, Mikey?”
Bay: “All the critics are picking on me.”
Michael Bay’s wife: “Well why don’t we go in the bedroom and forget all about it?”
Bay: *makes small explosion sound*
Sure I was drunk, but I don’t remember anything blowing up in Friday the 13th, and it still sucked. He was only the producer though. I guess if he directed it, most of the victims would have died by spontaneous explosion.
Michael Bay’s favorite boxer?
Boom Boom Mancini
The last time Michael directed something without explosions, it was when he directed someone on how to get to Starbucks from Figueroa and 10th Street.
My power craps out in a storm for 20 mins and Bay quits C4? What the fuck? His rehab will gradually step him down to different levels of fire crackers till its sparklers only.
Bay is currently penning an indie film entitled, “Waiting For Gobot.”
I hear Michael Bay only eats spicy Mexican tacos just to make sure he always has explosive diarrhea.
Michael Bay’s ringtone is teh Balck Eyes Peas’ “Boom, Boom, Pow”.
Whoa! I’m spelling like I’m beating off two dudes.
You aren’t?
Micheal Bay is going to go the way of John Spartan to help him deal with his loss: From Boom to Loom.
Michael Bay’s favorite character on King of the Hill is Boomhauer.
Come on guys give Bay a break. It is hard to point a camera at an empty landscape and then have people fill it in later. Or to film an empty landscape and then get other people to make the splosions happen. It’s a tough life.
Michael Bay considers The Bourne Identity to be an art film. There were scenes in the Souff of France, weren’t there?
Michael Bay always looses in Battleship because he just keeps repeating “C4! C4! C4!”
You know what? Fuck it. I agree with Bay. Most art films are just a bunch of douchebags standing around with their thumbs up their asses talking about life and trying to make it intelligent by using as many complicated words as possible while drinking their favorite wine and listening to their favorite indie band.
A movie that is about giant robots fighting each other that is entertaining the whole way through with good characters and that gets high-critical acclaim is much harder to do, simply because of expectations being that of a dumb, summer action flick. Sure, Bay failed, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t right.
/serious/
Umm… Micheal Bay dresses in the morning by way of T-Shirt cannon.
Michael Bay will shoot a film set in a foreign country to satisfy his critics. However, he can’t decide whether to do it in Grenada or Bangkok.
Micahel Bay likes the cars, the cars that go “BOOM!”
Michael Bay drinks Grenade-orade.
I’m looking forward to Transformers 3: The Wrath of Ratner
Mark my words, Ratner will put wrecking balls between the legs of a girl robot.
Bay’s right though. It’s hard as fuck to get a studio to hand you 150 million dollars. I even asked nicely AND said the magic word.
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