06.26.09 I KNEW IT: HOBBITS SUPPORT TERRORISM

I always knew there was something unsavory about Peter Jackson’s homoerotic hobbits, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it (mostly because I was asleep).  Until now.  An anonymous Iranian blows the lid off the controversy in an article for Time:

In normal times, Iranian television usually treats its viewers to one or two Hollywood or European movie nights a week. But these are not normal times, so it’s been two or three such movies a day. It’s part of the push to keep people at home and off the streets, to keep us busy, to get us out of the regime’s hair. Channel Two is putting on a Lord of the Rings marathon as part of the government’s efforts to restore peace.
[...]
And so we’re glued to the trilogy. We are riveted. A child in the room loudly predicts that Lord of the Rings will put an end to the nightly shouts, that people will not take to the rooftops and windows because this film will keep them occupied. [Time via Cinematical]

Haha, kids say the dumbest things.  The article goes on to compare Ahmadinejad to a hobbit, Moussavi to Boromir, and Gandalf to Khomeini, because metaphors are hard. Meanwhile, here in the States, the government has rushed a Transformers sequel into theaters as an evil plot to get its viewers off of their couches long enough to sop up the drool puddle, which backfired when LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THE WORLD went too.  Luckily, there’s back-up plan that involves the Sham-Wow.