06.16.09 INDIANA JONES AND THE OH GOD KILL ME NOW

(These are not the dorks you’re looking for…)

The last Indiana Jones movie had one of the stupidest plots ever conceived and the action scenes looked like they were shot at the make-your-own-video booth at the mall.  Oh, but it made $786.6 million dollars, at least 750 of which from people leaving the theater going, “‘To the space between the space’?  That was retarded.’”  Yadda yadda yadda, of course they’re making another one.  As Shia LaBeoueouwf tells the BBC…

“Steven [Spielberg] just said that he cracked the story on it before I left and I think they’re gearing that up,” LaBeouf said. Last summer’s blockbuster was made for about $185 million and earned $786.6 million worldwide. It was the second-highest earner of 2008, behind just The Dark Knight.

To pretend these guys are out there searching for an elusive plot to this movie like it’s Jack the Ripper on the loose is just insulting.  If anyone offered script notes on the last one it would’ve just been “Dude, are you effing serious?” written on the cover in red sharpie.  The true story is that George Lucas is on his ranch dunking 10-year-olds in oil and then rolling them in giant piles of money while Spielberg shoots at them for fun.  Spielberg f*cking hates kids.  True story.  He calls them “the least dangerous game.”