06.16.09 INDIANA JONES AND THE OH GOD KILL ME NOW
(These are not the dorks you’re looking for…)
The last Indiana Jones movie had one of the stupidest plots ever conceived and the action scenes looked like they were shot at the make-your-own-video booth at the mall. Oh, but it made $786.6 million dollars, at least 750 of which from people leaving the theater going, “‘To the space between the space’? That was retarded.’” Yadda yadda yadda, of course they’re making another one. As Shia LaBeoueouwf tells the BBC…
“Steven [Spielberg] just said that he cracked the story on it before I left and I think they’re gearing that up,” LaBeouf said. Last summer’s blockbuster was made for about $185 million and earned $786.6 million worldwide. It was the second-highest earner of 2008, behind just The Dark Knight.
To pretend these guys are out there searching for an elusive plot to this movie like it’s Jack the Ripper on the loose is just insulting. If anyone offered script notes on the last one it would’ve just been “Dude, are you effing serious?” written on the cover in red sharpie. The true story is that George Lucas is on his ranch dunking 10-year-olds in oil and then rolling them in giant piles of money while Spielberg shoots at them for fun. Spielberg f*cking hates kids. True story. He calls them “the least dangerous game.”
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There are 40 comments about:
INDIANA JONES AND THE OH GOD KILL ME NOW
Kingdom of the Crystal Skull will make a lot more sense when Mutt finds an odd laser sword in the next installment.
There’s a word for what you’re doing here, Vince. I don’t know what it is, but I’m sure it’s in the dictionary.
George Lucas is on his ranch dunking 10-year-olds in oil
It made more sense to me when I thought it was going to say dressing.
George Lucas accepts his money in Jew Gold (coins).
…fuck the wha?…
See what fucking Lucas did to me?!
“This audience belongs in the Night At The Museum theatre!”
Thing is, I’m too hung over to remember what I typed.
I hear Short Round got a job telling MC Hammer what to wear every morning.
I understand that George Lucas just rolled a 20, so the Minotaur stays in the second act.
Indiana Jones and the Creators That Don’t Give a Fuck!!
Indiana Jones and the MacGuffin of Apathy.
Fuckin’ Crappy…
Indiana Jones; Fuck it They’re Buying
Har Har!
Indiana Jones and the Epic Plot Holes
Indiana Jones and the Raping of Your Childhood Memories
Indian Jones: Let’s See If They Notice….
Indians Jones Meh
Indiana Jones and That Scooby Doo Episode Where the Robot is Running the Amusement Park.
Indiana Jones and the Rec Center of Funk.
This is why Hitler flipped out on the Jews, he just knew, man.
Indiana Jones and the Fuck It, I’mNot Gonna See The Next Piece of Crap They Put Out Anyway.
Kinda wordy. Anybody know a good writer that could slim it down for me?
Indiana Jones: That’s Not Egg On Your Face, Pal! Unless Of Course You Count Human Sperm As Eggs, Which You Technically Can, But Hey, It’s Starting To Drip. You Should Really Get A Napkin, Or A Rag To Clean That Up Before It Gets On My Pillow. I Just Did The Laundry, Motherfucker. I Can’t Be Doing Laundry Every Other Day. The Water Bill Will Skyrocket.
Indiana Jones and the Ever-Expanding Gap Between the Rich and Poor
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