06.01.09 YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING, BUT ONLY POOP COMES OUT
Whoa, dude, he’s messing up the yarn! You’re f*ckin crazy, Heathcliff!
Most people remember Heathcliff as cheap knockoff of Garfield or not at all. But that won’t stop Hollywood from trying to make a movie out of it. Hell, they’re optioning bubblegum wrappers these days. Still, you have to feel bad for the guy who has to try to make it sound like a great idea. And by feel bad I mean want to put in a duffel bag and hit with hammers.
Irascible orange housecat Heathcliff will be getting a second life on the screen courtesy of a joint venture between family toon studio Magic Lantern Entertainment and rights holder FitzRoy Media. The two companies have pacted to develop a range of properties, from direct-to-DVD toons to a potential live-action theatrical feature, around the flabby tabby, updating the popular comicstrip character for the 21st century.
Translations: “Updating for the 21st century” = “Adding sunglasses to”. “Irascible” = “God I hate this job.”
“He’s not your typical cuddly kitty cat. He’s a really cynical, wisecracking character who has a contemporary perspective we could do a lot with,” said Magic Lantern prexy Jeff Segal. [Variety]
10 bucks says Jeff Segal carries moist towelettes around with him to wipe his dick after he pees.
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/christmascarol-nutcracker-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/risk-retardpig-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/11/this_is_it_premiere_whoami-150x150.jpg)
There are 24 comments about:
YOUR LIPS ARE MOVING, BUT ONLY POOP COMES OUT
“Heathcliff Heathcliff no one should, terrorize the neighborhood but Heathcliff just won’t be undone, playing pranks on everyone.”
Yeah, I’m that old…(thud)
Is he related to Terrence Howard?
How can a ball of yarn have THREE ends?
I’m right now ordering a window sticker that features Calvin peeing on this movie.
I’m with ya, Jess. That song popped into my head right away. I remember it being a decent cartoon. Which is why SOMEONE SHOULD MAKE A FULL MOVIE OUT OF IT!!!11!!
If you take the plot of the old show and modernize it, Heathcliff would now be a crip with a bunch of thug talking gangstas who work the neighborhood for money. They’d be fighting the rival gang of pit bulls and Riff Raff would be a pimp.
Five bucks says that Tone Loc has something to do with the soundtrack.
The marketing department is going to have a real struggle coming up with movie posters with cat puns that the Garfield people haven’t already killed.
Vodka, I now can’t get that song out of my head. I’m now trying to get the Rescue Rangers theme in there to replace it.
The Pro-Life people are going to jump for joy when Sheldon, the unhatched egg makes his big screen debut.
This movie belongs in the litter box office.
::faces wall like Blair Witch Project::
This movie looks as fun as blood in your urine.
Vodka you should be forced to watch Blair Witch Project for that one.
A “prexy” sounds like something you jerk off to when you accidentally deleted your good porn.
This movie is going to do as terribly in Hong Kong as a movie about a vagrant cheeseburger with an attitude would do in Chicago.
I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag or anything
…so I swung the bag against a tree a few times first.
Somewhere Brecken Meyer is fist pumping.
And Terrance Howard will obviously play Wordsworth W. Wordsworth.
Brecken Meyer is already doing gay porn? That was a short journey.
And with the looks of his hat, the role of Riff Raff might go to a Wayans brother.
I hear Heathcliff is set to do a music video with Susan Boyle about opposites attracting.
Heath Cliffer is the Heath Ledger knockoff.
You know those people who smoke and sue the tobacco companies for damages even though they know what they’re doing is harmful? I used to think they were idiots and jackasses.
But I am now considering suing the film companies for the exponentially gaining amounts of alcohol per year I consume because these types of ideas exist and are lauded.
C’mon, no Keyboard Cat movie?
not to be a dick, but heathcliff came before garfield.
Haven’t been this excited for a remake since the last time my dog ate it’s own crap
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