06.23.09 EBERT ON T’FORMERS: I THINK HE LIKED IT.
Look, let’s get one thing straight: no one expects Transformers 2 to be classic cinema. Michael Bay’s best movie was The Rock, which is only good in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way, and this one’s a sequel of a film based on toy cars. But having realistic expectations doesn’t mean I can’t still love the awful reviews as I would my own son. Here’s what Ebert had to say:
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination. [...]
I find it amusing that creatures that can unfold out of a Camaro and stand four stories high do most of their fighting with…fists. Like I say, dumber than a box of staples. They have tiny little heads, except for Starscream®, who is so ancient he has an aluminum beard. [Sun-Times]
I love when Ebert trashes something. But I might argue that a “horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments,” is actually a metaphor for the human experience. (*takes drag off clove cigarette*)
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There are 22 comments about:
EBERT ON T’FORMERS: I THINK HE LIKED IT.
“horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments” is how I describe sexing anything that hoves into my general field of vision
All He really gleaned from that was “heroin” and “dog humping”.
Ebert has to work extra hard not to put the term “jaw dropping” in his reviews now.
Yes yes…but what of the explosions? Surely those would net a raised gnarled claw in the thumbs up position?
Is there a scene in this where all the transformers watch Snow White?
The music of hell is actually Kenny Loggins singing about the limit and your proximity to it….
For real, if you tally up all the people world-wide that thought TF2 would be any good, you would get exactly ONE, Michael Bay (because he’s a fucking idiot).
But I might argue that a “horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments,” is actually a metaphor for the human experience. (*takes drag off clove cigarette*)
Lince, often He cannot tell if you are faking being a hipster d-bag, or just PRETENDING to fake it!
Almost 50% of the voters on imdb gave it a 10.
@ Fek
what about Shia? He seems like a self absorbed douchebag who can’t carry a softball interview on Conan….. (i.e. Q “what does Steven Spielberg like to do?” A ” All sorts of stuff”
@ Bloom
The BEST review I saw on RottenTomatoes said “At least the special effects were remarkable.” It’s generally bad when a good review starts with “at least.”
Almost 50% of the voters on imdb gave it a 10.
imdb voters are dickless retards!
There’s no such thing as an unbearable length.
Starscream®, who is so ancient he has an aluminum beard.
Starscream isn’t old. He and Megatron used to be in robo-prison together and they haven’t gotten over old habits yet.
After reading this review Bray called M. Nite Shamalamadingdong for the horrible experience of sympathy sex punctuated by them bricking each other on the chest and screaming “They don’t get it!” every time they pinch off a parcel.
get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.
If there’s a kid in my kitchen banging, I no longer need an imagination.
@noMo, but unbearable girth?
So Starscream is hanging out with Liza Minelli?
Gene Siskel shows more signs of life than Bay’s creativity.
Ebert was quoted as saying, “Yuuuungh, haaaath…{gurgle}…ruuuung thaaaaarrrr…{slurp}…yaaannnnn”
Twiup!
At the end of that clip does The Beef yell “Bumblebee!” or “Bugger me!”?
Either way, the car sure got there fast.
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