Comments of the week time, y’all. Today’s prize is Night Train on DVD. Night Train: It’s not just a brand of hobo wine.
This summer, greed, murder and paranoia take first class seats on NIGHT TRAIN, a taut, new thriller starring Danny Glover (Lethal Weapon, Saw), Leelee Sobieski (88 Minutes, The Wicker Man) and Steve Zahn (Management, Joy Ride). National Entertainment Media brings this nail-biting suspense film in the vein of Shallow Grave and The Ninth Gate to audiences as a simultaneous direct-to-DVD and Blu-ray release that promises a one-way ticket to terror. Rent it May 29 at Blockbuster stores and Blockbuster Online!
You guys know how this works, right? Nominate for next week below. Now, let’s get this hobo sex party started. From NEW GI JOE CLIP:
Pauly Dangerously says: I bet if my dick could talk while I was beating it, it would talk like Cobra Commander did in the cartoon.
Burnsy and Donkey Hodey provided a nice one-two punch on the BILL MURRAY HEADBUTTED MCG thread:
Burnsy says: In fairness, every time Bill walked on set, McG would yell, “NED? NED RIERSON?!?!”
Donkey Hodey says:
Bill Murray: Hold still, you’ve got something on your face. Let me get that for you.
McG: What is it?
Bill Murray: A smug look.
McG: Wha? *POW!*
Ahh, good times, good times. Moving on, Stone Soup may owe Jacktion! royalties for this pun from the BRUNO PARALYZES AN OLD LADY thread:
Stone Soup says: The police interview went something like this:
“Ma’am – when did you arrive here tonight?”
“B4.”
“Ok, about what time exactly?”
“O 5?”
“I see. And how many minutes did the altercation last?”
“G… 1?”
“One minute? That couldn’t possibly be enough to do the damage you claim.”
“O. 5.”
DANIEL CRAIG POPSICLE thread:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: *makes Daniel-Craig-shaped popsicle 69 with Macho Man Randy Savage WWF Ice Cream Bar*
OOOOOOH YEEEEEEEEEEEAH!
And speaking of puns… From the JOSH BROLIN ON SET OF JONAH HEX thread:
Crapbasket says: Josh may be cheating you say? You mean, there may be… Another Brolin Girl?
Not surprisingly, David Carradine’s death generated plenty of comments.
Stinky Peet says: Makes sense, I’ve read Thailand is a popular destination for swingers.
Sir Nigel says: “All Thai’d up: The David Carradine story” Premiering on Lifetime this fall.
From TRACY MORGAN DRESSED LIKE A CELL PHONE:
JessicaD says: This film brought to you by Boost Mobile “Where you at dawg?”
“Oh sh*t, he right behind me!!
It’s funny because there was actually a dog behind him, you see. And then there was Burnsy in TAYLOR LAUTNER PUTS THE ‘ABS’ IN ‘ABSTINENCE PARABLE’:
Burnsy says: I wouldn’t f-ck this dude with Pauly’s dick. *whispers* I’d f-ck him with mine.
Now that’s how you do a gay joke. Also from Burnsy, in the NIC CAGE HIRES A WITCH DOCTOR, IS MADE OF WAX thread:
Burnsy says: And then the witch doctor, he told Nic Cage what to do, he said… Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang walla walla, bing Next f-cking sucked.
That probably would’ve been comment of the week if the syllables had matched up. Instead, the honor goes to Chino Moreno, from the REC 2 (SPANISH ZOMBIE MOVIE) TRAILER post:
ChinoMoreno says: Zombies in Spain eat mainly on the brain.
But many kudos to everyone who commented.
UPDATE: Oh, and honorable mention to the guy who sent me this:


Good job, Chino!!! Everyone else, if it makes you feel better, you’re still funnier than me.
Chino going to get slapped when I get home.
WAIT! He gets it! 664 OH I don’t remember!
The Mighty Feklahr truly cares about nudies.
Chino’s ass is going to get slapped when I get home.
Nice work, ya bunch of bums.
Runners up receive two copies of Night Train and a pair of those Clockwork Orange eyelid holders.
Hey, I made it! Good work, you roustabouts.
“But many kudos to everyone who commented.”
Gee this is just like the Science Fair at school. I always only won an Honorable Mention there too.
*waxes nostalgiasly*
Good week y’all, good times y’all, now, to get my fuck on with that corned beef I shot with my .45, yeeee haaaaw!!
Crappy in Michael Bay has a message something something h8ters:
Ro ro ro yur bot
Gently cross the screen
Michaely michaely michaely michaely
Go choke on a turd and die
I 2nd Crap.
Get it; Crap. Number 2.
Get fucked.
Hi. Please read my runner-up post repeatedly as work will be preventing my frequent postings this week. Maybe next. Possibly the week after that. But then – watch the fuck out.
I didn’t have time to nom stuff during the day so I’ll go all RoboPanda on your asses and post them all at once:
Crapba on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/masi-oka-mmorpgs:
“MMORPGS!” Is what I yell when I drop a hole stretcher of a deuce.
PaulyD on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/oh-hey-look-an-old-man-on-fire
“Help! I’ve stopped, dropped, and rolled, and I can’t get up!”
…same post, Crappy again:
I think the whole, “I’d rather burn out, than fade away” thing is lost on gramps.
Last but by no means least, MarkItZero on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/bobbe-thompson-bro-mitsvah
I’d say Bobb’e (’s?) main concern should be to pick up trash and clean the planet. But that doesn’t come later until he grows up and is sentenced.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/howards-are-the-new-coppolas&cp=1#comment-199952
Perhaps it’s the image of random violence against defenseless animals, but Donk gets me:
Quarter-Life is a game where Gordon Freeman beats up small woodland creatures with a crowbar because there’s no real danger.
I just wanted to mention that my dick has been mentioned twice in the winning comments above.
I believe that alone would warrant a tag under “Pauly’s Dick”, Vince….
Fucking Pauly!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/nia-vardalos-vs-sexism#comments
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Every twice a year, Nia Vardalos donates hair to “Locks of Love”. That hair goes on to make merkins for cancer patients.
Donk made me laugh until I puked shit in the Greek post.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/nia-vardalos-vs-sexism
Donkey Hodey says:
Vardalos is Greek for “Loud beaver”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/carradine-wig-fishnets-lingerie
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm
We should have seen this coming from Carradine’s straight to DVD cult classic “To Kung Fu Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/cheap-trick-transformers-theme#comments
Pauly
If David Carradine had five necks, he would tie all of them to his junk.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/100-movie-lines-in-200-seconds#comments
Pauly says:
Quentin Tarantino can do 100 lines in 200 seconds, too.
Japanese Doll with a Heart and Private Parts
I think it’s the use of the word “poots” that does it for me here.
Michelle:
It’s sad cause when she poots her boobs get smaller 8=D : (
Just when I finish nomming that one, Al comes along in the same post and drops this babushka in my lap:
…until something unexpected happens to the doll
She discovers several smaller dolls of graduated size living inside her and determines she is, in fact, Russian.
Same post, Michelle again. Thank goodness my kids are too young to demand to know why I’m laughing so hard:
You know she’s done peeing when you hear a windex squeak
Seconding both of Michelle’s and also Al’s from the Doll thread.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/nia-vardalos-vs-sexism?cp=2
I’m nomming this cuz I missed Eibz and I’m totally using this and this is the only credit you are getting and I laughed when I pictured the swirling mortal combat that must have happened between Caine and the AEA Ninjas;
I’m thinking the autoerotic asphyxia ninjas hit the wrong target.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/mickey-rourke-whiplash-iron-man-2#comments
Fek’s comment is funny cuz I got it, and you scrudniks didn’t. And that’s pretty fucked up;
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS CLUNKY SUIT, BER-ZER-KER!!!
bro-mitsvah
Pauly says:
“Bobb’e” is short for “Rob’rt”.
air doll
Burnsy says:
Ryan Gosling owns an inflatable hand shake doll.
-AND-
Donkey Hodey says:
I like the scene where she gets in an argument with a horse and ends it by saying “I’m rubber and you’re glue”.
I hate romcoms
MaxwellDemon says:
Nia Vardalos is Greek for “this is why we fuck boys.”
Why is this muthah fuckin’ site so FUCKING SLOW??
It took me ten GD minutes to get here, and now I see I only have to second something: Maxwell with the “this is why we fuck boys” comment.
Vince: because from living in Hongcouver my whole life, Asian racism is the second-fastest way to my heart. From the “Quick Hits” Dragonball post:
Who knows, maybe it doesn’t suck if you squint.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/i-hate-valentines-day?cp=2
Donk:
Nia Vardalos is the Mexican-surgeon Selma Hayek.
Burnsy on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/megan-fox-is-cgi becauase I’m a sucker for a Weird Science joke:
Don’t they know they’re supposed to wear bras on their heads?
Can I nom the author? Meh, I am. http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/heather-graham-braless#comments
In reply to this comment on Heather Graham from The Luchador:
Dude, really? She looks like my grandma with slightly tighter skin.
Vince Mancini cracks my shit up with:
well then I wanna f you in the grandma.
Not sure if anyone else liked this but I did, so get bent.
From Road Trip 2:
Arbuckle says:
Road Trip 2: American Pie 8
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/jj-abrams-producing-mission-impossible-iv&cp=1#comment-200473
Burnsy says:
Studio exec: “Tom, getting people to keep watching this crap is impossible.”
Tom Cruise: “You people told me that playing sand volleyball in jeans was impossible, but I made that happen.”
Studio exec: “No, Tom. We didn’t say that was impossible. We said that was fucking gay.”
Travolta, Williams in Slapstick Movie
Stinky Peet Gets the Travolta joke I wish I had in me:
If there’s one thing a Travolta knows, it’s how to hit his head.
Travolta/Old Dogs post–Crapbasket rocks the emoticock:
[Updates FaceBook status]
Is all a flutter to get home and watch Old Dogs trailer! ;O ~~ C===B
Goddamnit, Pauly made the comment I wanted to make but was too busy
downloading his FB friend’s lingere picsworking, on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/some-guy-makes-fun-of-nic-cageI’d like to imagine Nic Cage reading this, then proceeding to loading up a bear suit in the truck of his car.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/carradine-autopsy-rules-out-suicide&cp=1#comment-200571
Goddamn Stinky trademarked this before I had a chance
Sex With Thai Hookers: So Good You Won’t Know If You’re Coming or Going™
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/carradine-autopsy-rules-out-suicide&cp=1#comment-200582
Donk:
Liam Neeson is just happy that this has taken the spotlight off the tragic incident in which his wife died shortly after realizing she could have had a V8.
Sec da Donk.
Wow, first day commenting and I get recognized for my lamest joke…
I feel like Carlos Mencia!
(Seriously, thanks Vod)
Damn slackers not nomming this gem from aulyP on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/zombieland-deadworld (after Burnsy points out that the bat still has a warm-up donut on it):
Burnsy, I don’t think that fat dude is a Zombie. I think he just wants that donut.
This exchange between Pauly and Arbuckle proves yet againt i’m a sucker for puns:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/zombieland-deadworld
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
What do vegan Zombies eat?
Cauliflower?
Arbuckle says:
Vegan Zombies eat Grains….GGGRRRRAAAAAIIIINNNSSSSzzzz!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/hurr-im-charles-darwin#comments
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
I thought “Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp” pretty much proved Darwin was on to something.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/friday-free-for-all-dinosaur-island#comments
Oh,Pauly
Kung Fu hasn’t been gayer since it died in a closet wearing a wig and women’s underwear.
bear taxi
TheSheepMafia says:
God I hope the girls I’m masturbating to are all somebody’s daughter. It’s way creepier to think that they were all grown in a lab.
GI Joe
MaxwellDemon says:
Not sure how much weight to attach to an opinion that includes the phrase “the GI Joe world.” I am perfectly happy in the My Pretty Pony world, thanks.
carradine-autopsy
Fek’lhr says:
A slice of pizza found at the scene may be the integral clue in the case . . . COWABUNGA! I LOOOOVE BEING A TURTLE!
Dor sho gha! IT WAS NINJAS!!!
motorcycle zombie
Stinky Peet says:
The film adaptation of “Deadworld” will be called Easy Shambler.