COMMENTS OF THE WEEK
06.28.09
How best to sum up this week in the comments section? We laughed, we cried, we came up with 459 imaginary Zac Efron movie titles. And for that I thank you. I love you, commenters, as much as this guy <=== loves dolls (though probably not as much as he loves crapping in a diaper).
The way COMMENTS OF THE WEEK works is: at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).
Now for the fun part. We begin in MICHAEL BAY HATES BLACK PEOPLE, SUBTLETY:
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says: Michael Bay doesn’t just burn crosses. He wraps them in Semtex and firing gel and rigs them with a remote timer.
Then we move to THE LAST AIRBENDER TEASER thread:
Stinky Peet says: “The Last Airbender” is what I call the night I almost OD’ed on nitrous oxide.
Then we go to TRON MAN FORCED TO SELL PLANE, not that the following comments had anything to do with the post in which they appeared:
JHC says: Hee hee. When you italicize a frowny face, it looks like Kirk Douglas. ;-(
Pauly Dangerously says: JHC! JHC! Check it out…. ;0 <—— Terry Schiavo
Pauly Dangerously says: B()_ That’s my “Stephen Hawking drooling”.
ChinoMoreno says: ( <—- Angelo Mendoza
Yeah, I didn’t get that last one either, until I realized Angelo Mendoza is the kid whose father ate his eyes. +10 for depravity. Though in related news, he’s regained partial sight. See? Always a silver lining. Next we move to the ZAC EFRON MOVIE TITLES thread. My original post actually had nothing to do with Efron movie titles, but you guys took the concept and ran with it, and I like that. My two favorites:
Maxwell Demon says: The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill and Came All Over Another Guy’s Face
El Topo says: You’ve Got Male
Next we go to AMELIA EARHARDT BIOPIC. I’m actually second guessing myself for not naming this one the winner.
ChinoMoreno says: (Amelia texting her BFF) OMG!!! I’m flying! LOL!!1!11!!!
*CRASH*
Then we move to the DAYBREAKERS TRAILER, a movie about vampires farming humans for their blood:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: Americans used to farm humans back when slavery was the cat’s pajamas
I admit I chose that solely for the phrase “cat’s pajamas.” Probably because I imagined it visually. Anyway, time to choose this week’s winner. It wasn’t spit-take funny, but it was well said. Eloquent, even.
TheSheepMafia says: Christ. Michael Jackson (50) dies of a heart attack and David Carradine (72) is dies because of a weird sexual fetish. Who’d have seen THAT coming?
In-effing-deed.

Congrats, you dicktuckers.
J, quit fucking around with the setups. Just go balls in.
No offense to TheSheepMafia, but … wtf?
BOOSH!!!
I need to quit procrastinating when it comes to nom’ ing comments. There was some funny ass shit in that Efron post.
FilmDrunk: It’s the pussy’s PJs.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/michael-jackson-bruno-scene-cut-permanently
Donkey Hodey says: With deference to Farrah Fawcett’s death, filmmakers have decided to cut out another 70% of the movie before theatrical release.
Holy christ I need to stop posting drunk. My god, my grammar is just fucking awful here. I’m sorry that won everybody. That was totally my fault.
@Sheep: I thought Vince would have fixed it if it made it. Maybe he thought it was funnier with the bad grammar for some reason.
Donk should be on a tourist bureau for this one on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/i-am-number-four
A fifteen year old boy moving to Ohio to avoid predators is like a mouse moving into a barn to avoid owls.
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ turns up the heat on Vince
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/forbidden-reality-trailer#comments
Vince’s mouth is too lazy to say his R’s correctly, but if you were Vince’s mouth you’d be lazy too.
^^^^^^^^^^ if we are taking that one sexually… if not then it’s not really funny and I’m just perverted
“Taking it sexually” is the only way I roll, bane.
haha… touche pauly… you’d find a sex joke on a gum wrapper you would…
Damn, I feel like “The Machine” Levine finally getting back on the Cadillac board. In conclusion, me.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/jerry-lewis-directing-nutty-professor#comments
ChinoMoreno:
The Broadway musical of the Bill Clinton biopic, The Nutty Dressmesser.
I can’t nom at work so..
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/orci-kurtzmans-next-project
Pauly:
Orci and Kurtzman are the real life Bert and Ernie.
‘Cept they fuck.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/smurfs-3d#comments
Donkey
Papa Smurf made Smurfette shave. Said he got tired of eating the Smurf n’ Turf
Donk tickles my racist bone with this from http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/guillermo-del-toro-afraid-of-dark
Donkey Hodey says:
“Don’t be afraid of the dark” is the new slogan for Atlanta’s board of tourism.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/american-werewolves-in-london-again&cp=1
Chino Moreno:
Werewolves from London have especially scary teeth.
second chino an’ der ‘orrible bad teef mate
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/yoostar-rock-band-for-movies#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
So if it’s technically a game, that means there’s a way to fail the scene, right? I’m guessing there’s also varying levels of difficulty. Like in ‘easy mode’, you act alongside Keanu Reeves and in ‘hard mode’ you have to pretend that you can take Mark Wahlberg seriously.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/twilight-prom-forks-washington?cp=2
I’m beginning to think Chino is somehow cheating at this.
ChinoMoreno says:
In order to keep these emo kids from hurting themselves, this year’s prom will be relocated to Sporks, Washington.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/twilight-prom-forks-washington?cp=2
Burnsy, of course:
Prom night took a turn for the worse when a few Persian Twilight fans were beaten for fear they were werewolves.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/ryan-gosling-in-a-tuxedo-shirt
Burnsy:
That square in my wallet? That’s just a wet nap, girl. You don’t know where that door handle has been.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/ryan-gosling-in-a-tuxedo-shirt
Chodin:
“Hey, come on girl, you know that I can’t kiss you right now. I totally saw you take a sip from that Sparks and, well, it just wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of you.”
Second and also fuck Chodin for being so funny.
third to the funny Chodin fucker
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/pauly-shore-suing-bruno&cp=1
Pauly Dangerously ends the African adoption argument with this:
Fuck African kids. If I adopt any kind of child, it’s going to be a feral child. It would be like having a dog and a kid at the same time. Plus, they are really good for protecting the house while you’re gone.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/paula-abdul-sat-on-a-mexican&cp=1#comment-204433
This is not a reach-around. This is just fucking funny.
Donk:
She said she prefers to sit on La-Z-Boys, but they couldn’t find a Puerto Rican anywhere
Second Donk’s La-Z-Boy above.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/paula-abdul-sat-on-a-mexican&cp=1#comment-204442
Yup. Fek:
Paula Abdul keeps R Kelley at home for a bidet.
from here: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/paula-abdul-sat-on-a-mexican&cp=2#comment-204448
this person: Chino Moreno
said this: What you can’t see is that she’s using a Turk as an ottoman.
Thank JHC I’m home for lunch or I would be so f’n Hustla’d right now.
I’m seconding Chino’s ottoman and Fek’s bidet posts, and taking Donk’s La-Z Boy post balls deep into my mouth. Fuck you guys are funny. The best part is, Chino’s doing it without cussing!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/mxp-most-xtreme-primate#comments
Crapbasket says:
My refinance company, Chuck’s Sick Ass Refi Brah! has the Most Extreme Prime Rate guarantee. I’m jumping on that shit.
What could go wrong?
Ya, third those three. Sorry I wasn’t there for that one.
Good Lord, Most Extreme Prime Rate? Have to second that one. And then start that company.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/katherine-heigl-orgasm-scene#comments
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
She couldn’t act hot if I set her on fire.
Second Master P
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/katherine-heigl-orgasm-scene?cp=2
Ah, noMo
gets nailednails it;The orgasms may be fake, but the herpes are real!
pun-orama!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/asteroids-arcade-game-movie#respond
Burnsy says:
My dad’s got this movie. Can’t even sit on the toilet somedays.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/asteroids-arcade-game-movie
snake_plissken proves that sometimes the most simple jokes are the best:
I hope there’s a video game tie-in.
THis is for the old school gamers:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/asteroids-arcade-game-movie#comments
Burnsy says:
The irony is that when I’m watching this movie, I’ll be spinning my knob.
These two aren’t actually related but happened to come after each other and i liked the comedic flow
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/asteroids-arcade-game-movie#comments
Al says:
At least there’s little risk of blowing the budget on special effects.
Donkey Hodey says:
I expect this movie will go straight to Betamax.
Meatballs post–Oski speaks my language:
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is when somebody cums in your eyes and then teabags you.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/katherine-heigl-orgasm-scene?cp=2
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
*we now bring you “When Pauly Met Sally” which is already in progess…*
[enter diner]
Sally Albright: Most women at one time or another have faked it.
Pauly: Well, aint no bitch has to fake it with your boy.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Pauly: Because I know, bitch.
Sally Albright: Oh. Right. That’s right. I forgot. You’re a man.
Pauly: What in the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Sally Albright: Nothing. It’s just that all men are sure it never happened to them and all women at one time or other have done it so you do the math.
Pauly: So you faked it with me, hoe?
Sally Albright: Maybe….
[begins to moan, fakes orgasm]
Sally Albright: See….
Pauly: Oh yeah, bitch……[Pauly begins to grunt..] Oh Fuck YEAH! [Grunts get louder] OH SHIT! [Pauly squirts mayo all over Sally’s face] See, told ya.
Older Male Customer: [to waiter] I’ll have what that fat beaner is having.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/deadgirl-red-band-trailer
I saw Donk’s softer side:
This reminds me of the time I donkey-punched Terry Schiavo.
(just kidding, we actually made very sweet and tender love. It was beautiful. I cried a little. She mostly sat there and drooled).
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/weekend-preview-explosions-booze?cp=2#comments
i’m gonna go ahead and nominate three from the same thread.. funny stuff:
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Michael Bay is on his way to a tattoo shop to get the banner pic done on his back.
Donkey Hodey says:
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I’m singing a rap song loudly, but lower my voice to a whisper whenever they say “nigga”.
ChinoMoreno says:
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that the only rap concerts I’d feel comfortable attending are the Beastie Boys or Eminem.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/weekend-preview-explosions-booze&cp=4#comment-205218
Pauly:
I like to think it is hilariously ethnic when I catch myself washing a windshield
JHC:
I think it’s hilariously ethnic every time I look at my crotch
Donk:
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I’m singing a rap song loudly, but lower my voice to a whisper whenever they say “nigga”.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/weekend-preview-explosions-booze?cp=3
Call it a reacharound all you want, but try telling me this shit from Chino Moreno isn’t funny:
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that I know who the father of my children is.
AND
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that the same man fathered both of my children.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/fri-free-4-all-dont-touch-afflecks-roids#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
I think we’ve got ourselves the lead actor in the Asteroids movie.
What? Vince actually writes something funny and no one noms it?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/07/weekend-preview-explosions-booze?cp=2
Vince Mancini says:
I think it’s hilariously ethnic when I wring olive oil from my pillow cases.
(I bet it’s Extra Virgin too)
That’s not fucking funny.
*wrings out pillow case**
I think it’s hilariously ethnic that Vance was too hooped on home-made wine to do last week’s COTW.
I don’t know who “this guy” with the doll is, but he’s creeping me right the fuck out.
Whoa, why didn’t I think of this for the TJ Hooker thread:
Chino:
You know that slut, Denise Richards, is gonna swoop in and steal the part of Stacy Sheridan.