Hey, gang. No comments of the week prize to give away this week, but I promise to slaughter three otter babies for their pelts in your honor.
As always, the way this works is, at any time this week, when you read a comment you think worthy of recognition, YOU nominate it by copy and pasting it in the comments section of THIS post below. I pick the winner from among the nominees the following Sunday/Monday. (To help you find it more easily, the nomination thread is always linked in the ABOUT section).
Now that the necessities are out of the way, let’s party (snort cocaine). From OH HEY LOOK, AN OLD MAN ON FIRE:
Crapbasket says: I think the whole, “I’d rather burn out, than fade away” thing is lost on gramps.
From AIR DOLL TRAILER:
Michelle07 says: It’s sad cause when she poots her boobs get smaller 8=D : (
Pound for pound, no one can match Michelle in adorableness. From NIA VARDALOS VS. SEXISM:
Eibmoz says: I’m thinking the autoerotic asphyxia ninjas hit the wrong target. [gave me a great mental image of "autoerotic asphyxia ninjas"]
Donkey Hodey says: Nia Vardalos is the Mexican-surgeon Selma Hayek.
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says: I bet she’d like to vote now, too. C*nt.
From DAVID CARRADINE AUTOPSY:
Stinky Peet says: Sex With Thai Hookers: So Good You Won’t Know If You’re Coming or Going™
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm: We should have seen this coming from Carradine’s straight to DVD cult classic “To Kung Fu Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”
Fek’lhr says: A slice of pizza found at the scene may be the integral clue in the case . . .
Dor sho gha! IT WAS NINJAS!!! COWABUNGA! I LOOOOVE BEING A TURTLE!
And speaking of David Carradine… From FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL:
Pauly Dangerously says: Kung Fu hasn’t been gayer since it died in a closet wearing a wig and women’s underwear.
Was there kung fu in that Friday free for all clip? I guess it doesn’t matter. From DAILY CIRCLE JERK (including the “Somebody’s Daughter” video):
TheSheepMafia says: God I hope the girls I’m masturbating to are all somebody’s daughter. It’s way creepier to think that they were grown in a lab.
And the winner is… Pauly, who was on fire all week. From the CHEAP TRICK SINGS TRANSFORMERS THEME:
Pauly Dangerously says: If David Carradine had five necks, he would tie all of them to his junk.
I know that was a reference to the five-necked guitar, but it’s funnier if you pretend it just came out of the blue. Anyway, great job, you magnificent sociopaths. Cheers to another awesome week (*chugs piss boot*).

You know, not visiting this site for a week makes me appreciate the COTW in a whole new way. It’s kind of like the Readers Digest of dick jokes.
Congrats to the winners. I’ll be back someday.
Yo Pauly!!!!
Congrats, you funny cocksuckers.
YAY Pauly, you sick mofo!
Geez, thanks Donk. I can win all the CoTWs I want but suck one cock…
Describing genitals as “junk” is always hilarious no matter the context.
Oh Pauly this, Pauly that. If I was an ex-con, Mexican, pedophile, necrophiliac, sociopath with bad tatoos and a bad attitude I could win a CoTW too. Easy.
Dooter, it’s not who you know, it’s who you blow.
Ryan Gosling thinks you can all go to heck.
I think you meant hell.
Ha, ha! I love you Scratch!
Why is Påüłÿ taking credit when it was clearly someone named Pauly?
Time to bust the ol’ COTW nom cherry!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/eddie-murphy-still-the-bomb#comments
JessicaD says:
Eddie Murhpy and Cuba Gooding Jr need to make a movie together called Career Dolittle.
Grats Pauly, I think Vince called you a flamer.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/other-crap-roundup#comments
Donkey Hodey says
“I can do bad all by myself” should have been the name of JC Chasez’ first solo album.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/danny-trejo-not-in-expendables&cp=1#comment-200938
Donk plays with words like a retard plays with his dick-
Tagline for the next Friday the 13th: He’s Snow Angel
*groans, masturbates*
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/gi-joe-poster-side-boob#comments
Stinky Peet
Sienna Miller is so perfectly motionless you would almost think I was having sex with her.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/daily-circle-jerk-bear-fight-edition#comments
Pauly D
Linkin Park is like being bisexual, but at the end of the day, you’re still a cocksucker
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/chiranjeevi-basketball&cp=1#comment-201007
ChinoMoreno says:
And Chiranjeevi wins the game: 7-11
Second Chino!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/when-the-walls-bleed-baby-penis#comments
FistfulOAwesome says:
WHEN THE WALLS BLEED BABY PENIS…
FIST BLEEDS BABY BATTER.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/chiranjeevi-basketball#comments
Chino makes me swoon ;
Whenever I’ve had too much to drink at the bar, I call Chiranjeevi for travelling.
From the Gosling Green Latern Thread:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/green-lantern-will-be-loving-respectful#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern only fights crime after asking it nicely to stop three times.
again from the Gosling Green Latern Thread (can you just make that whole damn thread comment of the week?)
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/green-lantern-will-be-loving-respectful#comments
Crapbasket says:
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern yells “jolly hippopotomus!” when he gets angry.
Will Smiff’s Kung Fu Kid
Pauly:
Show me “Where the white women at?”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/chiranjeevi-basketball#comments
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
Right before this game, the crowd was feverishly busy making sneakers for the players.
imagine this
The Kurgan says:
I always figured Eddie’s imagination was full of stuff like Charlie Murphy wearing nothing but chaps, snakeskin boots with spurs, and a Stetson while herding an array of tranny hookers into a large valley where Eddie is waiting for them with a branding iron in the shape of his irresistible smile.
baby walls
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
Banner Pic:
I’d say that wall was done over in fresh Alabastards.
the cove
Donkey Hodey says:
Dolphins kill for fun and sexually abuse lesser species. They’re like the redneck of the sea.
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern
Michelle07 says:
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern wears a mask on his face and a heart on his sleeve.
-AND-
Donkey Hodey says:
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern always carries around something red with him to make himself feel better if he needs it; he says it’s because red is a complimentary color and we all need compliments from time to time.
-AND-
Jacktion! says:
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern enjoys endless breadsticks at The Olive Garden.
-AND-
reluctantflux says:
Ryan Gosling’s Green Lantern is depressed because he wasn’t able to save the box of yellow lab puppies from drowning.
I kept thinking about this one from yesterday still giggled like a
schoolgirlrapist, so I’m nomming it. From this thread: http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/danny-trejo-not-in-expendables?cp=2#commentsPåüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Hot town, summer in the city.
Paul Giamatti got some nice man-titties.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/fame-remake-trailer#comments
Arbuckle on the banner pic:
Someone just tried to hand that kid a real job.
I second Arbuckle
Third Arbuckle
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/italian-inglourious-basterds-poster#comments
I think me n Chino just need to get fuckin. What? Chino’s a chick? Anywho, brilliance be brilliance, yo;
Nazi Scalps would be a good brand name for a toupee.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/honest-producer-quote-of-the-day#comments
I love the site [sic] gags, and Fek LOL’d me;
So…no one is going to mention the pencil sticking out of that kid’s ass?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/kate-beckinsale-whiteout-trailer
Fek’lhr
SMELL.
YOUR.
LAST.
FART.
Tarintino bashing sure gets my approval, from the “Whiteout” thread:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/kate-beckinsale-whiteout-trailer#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
I thought this film would be about a copy editor going over one of Quentin Tarantino’s scripts.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/oliva-munn-is-in-iron-man-2#comments
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
That’s God’s gif. to men.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/oliva-munn-is-in-iron-man-2&cp=1#comment-201501
Stone Soup says:
If a boner fairy existed, I’d have a quarter under my pillow every morning.
Second Pauly’s God’s .gif to men.
I’m gonna go ahead and call this the early front-runner:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/mission-impossible-abrams-cruise
Donkey Hodey says, “In this one, Ethan Hunt trains his long lost son, Mike, in the ways of espionage and subtle fuck-puns.”
Holy Dick! I second Donk.
Third Donk. Fuck Mike.
Fourth Donk
and:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/mission-impossible-abrams-cruise&cp=2#comment-201567
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
JJ Abrams got his facial features from his Father who, by the looks of it, was a character sketch artist on a pier.
Burnsy:
Michael Bay’s wife: “What’s wrong, Mikey?”
Bay: “All the critics are picking on me.”
Michael Bay’s wife: “Well why don’t we go in the bedroom and forget all about it?”
Bay: *makes small explosion sound*
Fuck, Vince. You beat me
offto it.Second Burnsy.
Isn’t anyone nommed by Vince basically a front-runner?
Third Burnsy.
Isn’t anyone nommed by Vince basically a front-runner?
I don’t know about front-runner, but they most certainly get their rocks off. Every time. His mouth is magical.
Fourth Burnsy.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/michael-bay-quits-transformers&cp=1#comment-201595
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
Michael Bay always looses in Battleship because he just keeps repeating “C4! C4! C4!”
How the fuck do you spell lose in the plural? For some reason I don’t think it’s loses. In case it is (since I don’t want SmokeEm’s comment to lose meaning):
Michael Bay always loses in Battleship because he just keeps repeating “C4! C4! C4!”
Damn English language….thanks Fist.
I know it’s sucky, but this made quite a mess on my desk… from The Stepfather thread, Vince:
…if you can’t already predict the entire plot the only thing you should be doing on the internet is buying a drool catcher.
second SmokEm.
Also:
I’ve proved time and time again i nominate every pun i come across.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/michael-bay-quits-transformers#comments
Påüłÿ Ðąηgęrσűşľγ says:
Michael Bay drinks Grenade-orade.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer#comments
Burnsy:
This movie stands over me while I’m sleeping, whispering, “You think you’re hot shit?”
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer?cp=2#comments
Donk-
I learned how to do drugs by watching this movie, OK?!
I won’t waste the time to copy and paste it, so pretty much everything from the Stepfather thread gets my nom.
I second Burnsy on everything from this thread. But i’m still gonna highlight this one:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer?cp=4#comments
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
This movie held me down and tattooed a swastika on my ass with a red hot Bic pen
(the Phrase “red hot Bic pen” is what wins me over)
That otter picture makes me smile everytime I’m here. Well, that and the dick jokes.
SpaceBalls references ALWAYS makes me laugh.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/grr-stuff-blowing-up-black-presidents?cp=2#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
A winnebago?
*puts down mask*
LONE STAR!
I’m really not sure why i find this as funny as i do. i think its the matter-of-fact wording.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/red-band-trailer-thirst#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
Asian vampires are very good at division.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/red-band-trailer-thirst#comments
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
This movie looks Kim Jong ill!
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer?cp=2#comments
Pauly should be commended for kickstarting things but Burnsy with “This movie stands over me while I’m sleeping, whispering, “You think you’re hot shit?”" hit home hardest.
I like Al’s nom for Vince but i think getting paid for coming up with this shit ought to be reward enough.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer?cp=5
ChinoMoreno:
This movie tells me that I give better blowjobs than my mom.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/red-band-trailer-thirst#comments
Donkey Hodey says:
I once got an infusion of evil. Well, at least that’s what that stepfather movie called it. Made my butt sore for days.
i think combining both posts made it funnier
I’m seconding the Kim Jong ill post from Smoke’em, even if you fags didn’t get my world falling apart after it’s paid for joke. Dicks.
I got it JHC but I prefer this slightly racist double entendre joke on Korean eating habits
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/red-band-trailer-thirst
JHC says:
It stands to reason that Asians would be better at eating pussy. They’re pretty good at eating dog.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer?cp=2
Best thread in a long time…
Burnsy:
This movie comes out of the bedroom and makes me smell its finger.
Pauly:
This movie promised to take me to the monster truck rally, but passed out on grain alcohol instead.
Crap:
This movie pissed into my sax because horn playin’s for cock lickers.
TengoDooter:
This movie gave me my pudding even though I really fed my meat to the dog under the table.
P.S. I can’t let a good Pink Floyd reference go unrecognized.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/zombieland-trailer?cp=2#comments
Fuckin’ Zero-
New Orleans meets an untimely death when he gets locked in a car wash.
I’ve been incommunicado all week. Thanks Verizon. Anyway….
From zombies and cities:
Stinky Peet says:
Am I alone in thinking Harrelson produced a script by his pot dealer in lieu of payment or something? They should have called it Dead, Where’s My Carbs?
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/bay-not-retiring#comments
Vodka goes down smooth, just like your Mom-
David Carradine wishes he had used a wireless keyboard.
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/bay-not-retiring#comments
Arbuckle says:
John Goodman’s keyboard is all hotkeys to order pizza online.
Bay’s Keyboard
I think it’s the ellipses that does it for Pauly:
Nic Cage’s keyboard is covered in B’s…
I need to add an addendum to my pervious nomination since Markitzero’s response was awesome:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/bay-not-retiring#comments
Mark It Zero says:
You’re over the line Arbuck.
From keyboard cats…
Donkey Hodey says:
Michael Crichton wrote ‘Twister’ by hitting Alt-F4 over key plot problems.
Second the good Donkter.
Also from the Bay’s Keyboard thread:
I swear this isn’t a reacharound, but even if it is then fuck you because it’s goddamn funny. Vodka gets himself an early reservation for a good seat in hell with this:
Terry Schiavo’s keyboard doesn’t have a fn key.
I know I’m waaaay late on this one, but god damn it makes me laugh….fourth or whatever for:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/the-stepfather-trailer#comments
Burnsy:
This movie stands over me while I’m sleeping, whispering, “You think you’re hot shit?”
Second keyHo‘s post on Nic Cage’s keyboard, and nomming this beauty by Smoke’em on http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/zombies-are-a-liberal-parable
A post about zombies that requires us to use our brains. Oh sweet irony.
Awesometown sets up this one:
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/friday-free-for-all-drop-everything
Charlie Br0nze says:
The rec center is fucked.
Second CB
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/worlds-greatest-dad&cp=1#comment-202121
Burnsy:
Saying this is Robin’s best role in years is like saying the next time I get laid will be my best sex in 11 months.
Funny, it hasn’t felt like 11 months…
http://filmdrunk.uproxx.com/2009/06/a-teen-wolf-remake#comments
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
If Michael J. Fox is recast I can hear the commercials already.
This is one party animal…
That won’t sit still.
Third Pauly’s Nic Cage keyboard and a tip of my jaunty top hat to the entire stepfather thread.
mission improbable at best
Fek’lhr says:
True story: The Mighty Feklahr auditioned for the part of the guy that follows Tom Thumb . . . er, Cruise around with a milk crate to stand on so he can look tall in photo ops, but, as it turns out, we had incompatible extra-terrestrial theistic beliefs.
2012
SmokeEmIfYouGotEm says:
John Cusack has gone from Say Anything to Do Anything.
movie in which Emma Stone’s character is named Wichita
JHC says:
This may be the first time in my entire life that I wish I was in Wichita.