It shouldn’t take an expert to tell you a guy wearing a wig, fishnets, and a rope tied around his junk didn’t kill himself, but it’s still nice to hear.
The independent forensics expert who examined David Carradine’s body says the actor didn’t commit suicide, and Carradine’s brothers are asking for understanding as Thai authorities investigate.
The family also released a statement from Dr. Michael Baden, who said Carradine’s death wasn’t a suicide. He said further information from Thailand is needed for a final determination.
Keith and Robert Carradine say they’re grateful for the outpouring of support during what they call a “profoundly painful time.” In a statement read Thursday in Los Angeles, they also thanked U.S. and Thai authorities for their work. [AP]
By understanding, I’m guessing they mean the opposite of sending me pictures like this (tisk, tisk, you guys). It’s hard to tell from these early reports if the examiner’s determination of “not suicide” also extends to “not an autoerotic asphyxiation accident”. As I’ve previously speculated, based on the idea that people don’t usually dress up to jerk off, it seems more likely that it was an accident, and someone else may have been doing the choking. But either way, “I came so hard I died” doesn’t seem like the worst way to go.

A slice of pizza found at the scene may be the integral clue in the case…COWABUNGA! I LOOOOVE BEING A TURTLE!
Dor sho gha! IT WAS NINJAS!!!
Robert has chosen to dedicate his next film to his brother, so keep an eye out for Revenge of the Nerds 6: Booger Goes to Bangkok.
Burnsy-Lamar goes to bang cock!
This confusion happens when your safeword is “More”
[thinks about quick jerking shower babies every few days]
My life sucks.
Notice nowhere in that report does the coroner rule out ninja attack. See? You gotta read between the lines, man. *taps temple*
Sex With Thai Hookers: So Good You Won’t Know If You’re Coming or Going™.
I just hope the independent forensics expert remembered to pause and put on his sunglasses while breaking the news to the family.
“Your brother didn’t kill himself Mr. Carradine. About that, I have no…. hang ups”
YYYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
I bet David did this on purpose just to get back at his hectoring bitch mother.
What a dick.
Irony, his character in the film they were making was named Hung Soon Dik.
Irony, his character in the film they were making was a washed up boxer whoes come back was on the ropes and hanging by a thread.
-e +’ +comment review before hitting [submit]
Liam Neeson is just happy that this has taken the spotlight off the tragic incident in which his wife died shortly after realizing she could have had a V8.
They ruled his death a “non-suicide” but the wig and stockings were definitely that motherfucker’s.
“…people don’t usually dress up to jerk off…”
Most people don’t hang themselves to jerk off either. Dude may have just been a fuckin freak.
Irony: Ed Wood died at 72 in a freak kung fu accident.
Where the fuck is Rotty?
I’m curious to know what made you think of Rotty after remarking about people hanging themselves to jerk off.
See, this kind of accident would never happen to a woman. We never masturbate.
“Hmmmm. Seems the sex play got out of hand. Some people… just let it all hang out.”
[sunglasses]
Yeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!
**slides box of armada behind plant**
What? You don’t have ‘hang jerkin’ and ‘Rotty’ in the same mental folder?
See, this kind of accident would never happen to a woman. We never wear fishnets.
FEKSED!
No, but I did have YOU in that folder.
Why are you sliding a plant between your legs?
“That’s the problem about sex with a prostitute… there are always….” [sunglasses] “… strings attached.”
YEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
::: not afraid to riff on anyone’s material :::
See, this kind of accident would never happen to a woman. There’s just isn’t that kind of space in our closets.
[Decides Al is setting up a site gag for a gigantic bush Nia Vardalos joke]
See, this kind of accident would never happen to a woman. There’s nothing to tie the other end of the rope to :(
<=== might have overdone it with the Yellow Tail just a bit at lunch
If it’s murder and ninjas did kill him, I think they would have set-up a more elaborate murder scene than a stranglebation accident. Unless they were gay-ass ninjas. Which in that case, they would have put a set of nunchucks up his ass.
Inky pee, the CSI is there for all to enjoy.
Breaking News: No breaking noose.
I just want to know, what is the next step up the ladder in this jerk off circus? Cosplay, AEA, you know there was something up his ass…
If I died in a masturbation accident, best believe I’d be wearing a Wizard’s robe.
I’m just glad this didn’t happen in Mexico. They find something strung up like that in a closet and they’re likely to start hitting it with sticks.
If there was somebody else helping DC along, I’d say he over did it with the yellow tail.
*** slow clap for Crappy ***
[takes bow, lights fart]
He did this to dodge that mini bar tab. Outlandish!
“Shame about this. He should haved learned…[sunglasses] to cum out of the closet.”
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Did you see the price of the cashews? I’m surprised he didn’t throw himself out the window.
If only Karen Carpenter had died in a hotel room in Hungary…
You know what they say Frank. Give someone enough rope….(Sunglasses)…they’ll tie it around their neck and genitals and jerk off until they asphyxiate…
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHH!
What? They don’t say that?
C’mon guys, cut him some slack.
[looks closely at body] “You know, they say a lot of guys get into acting to make up for their… personal shortcomings. But no one can say that about David Carradine….” [sunglasses] “…this man was well hung.”
YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
Nothing particularly insightful or pithy to say here. [sunglasses]
Just sitting in the dentist’s office waiting for the pain.
<— not very good at this
[examines rope]“Looks like this time [sunglasses]… the neck bone was connected to the head bone”
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
“Do I think this was murder? [sunglasses] ‘Fraid knot.”
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
FUCK!
“Do I think this was murder? [sunglasses] Frayed knot.”
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Fuck this, I’m taking my balls and going home
to get shitfaced drunk and abuse the neighbors cuz I’m on vacation this weekend.I figured that if David died it would have been from his hard partying days catching up to him or even a martial arts battle to the death. Not by doing some sick, freaky, ass shit that Bob Crane would endorse.
Whoever did this to Mr. Carradine, (sunglasses) was a real Knot-zi
YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!
Quick Assflipper, try to snatch the penis from my hand.
*Gooonnnnnnggg*
Hung-Fu!
“Looks as if he got himself in a real…[sunglasses]…bind”
YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!
“I’m guessing someone’s genitalia went to a bar last night and really…[sunglasses]…tied one on.”
YEEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!
Looks like its a wrap for Banged Cock Dangerous II .
FANGSTERS!
Sorry, my contract requires me to post that at least once a week. Since I can’t post from work, that’ll have to due. HAPPY, LAWYERS?