Brüno’s lawyers have issued a response to the wildly-implausible-sounding lawsuit filed by the “waah, bruno paralyzed me” lady.  And the nice thing about Sacha Cohen’s lawyers is that they do not F around.

Your clients’ claims are demonstrably and ludicrously false. The actual footage demonstrates that Mr. Baron Cohen never touched Ms. Olson, much less assaulted her.  To the contrary, Ms. Olson assaulted Mr. Baron Cohen, grabbing his arms from behind and attempting to pull him out of a chair.  The footage shows that Ms. Olson never ‘fell to the ground,’ nor was she injured in any way.

Putting aside the impossibility of a camera crew physically attacking Ms. Olson while at the same time filming her, the actual footage reveals that the number of crew members and other persons who attacked your client is zero.  The footage reveals that your client’s allegations are a complete fabrication.

If you do not file a voluntary dismissal of the complaint with prejudice, and if you do not do so by this Monday, June 8, our clients will avail themselves of every legal remedy against you and your clients. [original letter, via E!]

I don’t usually like to side with highly-paid studio lawyers, but it’s nice to see people not just cave and pay a settlement to some butthole filing a frivolous lawsuit.  I don’t have a lawyer but I find it still helps to refer to myself in the third person as ‘my client.’   My client thinks you’re being really mean.  My client wishes you would reconsider.  My client really didn’t mean any harm, he just thought you smelled nice is all.  Now look what you’ve done, you’ve made my client cry.