I don’t watch Access Hollywood, is it always this creepy? Do they normally shoot tight closeups of a just-turned-17-year-old boy’s abs? They say Taylor Lautner’s “body transformation” was required for his role as a greased-up werewolf in New Moon. Hey, guys, body transformation? It’s called puberty. I had my “body transformation” around 17 too. But instead of an Access Hollywood profile, I just got beat up by Mexican dudes who were shaving at 7. Until the day I taught myself Mexican Judo.
The other awesome part of this clip is where they show Kristen Stewart’s stunt double shooting a scene. A scene in which Kristen Stewart’s character runs 10 feet. In her defense, most actors look stupid when they run. Plus, she was probably really high.
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I had to do a “body transformation” to get the hooker to fit in the trunk of my car.
I’d bust a nut on his stomach.
Too soon?
I have a black Dickie belt in Mexican Judo.
I’d like to meet Kristen Stewart’s cunt double.
17 years!? That’s disgusting! Call me back when they get his little brother.
Yu no Mehican Yu-dough, puto?
I think Taylor Lautner just made me Twi-sexual.
In between scenes they give him a full body Brazilian by circle-jerking on him then grabbing a piece of fur and swinging him around.
You see, cause my dick is now twihard.
Kevin Spacey just got on his cellphone and programmed his DirecTV to record Access Hollywood.
He’s got Wolf-Pack Abs.
HRRRRR! OK, no need to get violent. I know where the corner is.
Even better, when you rub his abs, his leg starts twitching up and down uncontrollably.
Meh, he was hotter as Sharkboy.
Don’t you think Taylor is so hot? Abs-solutely!
I was just getting some water. I’ll be back in the corner in a second.
Oh sure, Access Hollywood is allowed to just flaunt shirtless minors all over the place but I get my computer seized by police and have to wear an ankle bracelet…
I wouldn’t fuck this dude with Pauly’s dick. I’d fuck him with mine.
When do we get to see KRISTEN STEWART NUDE NAKED SEX TAPE?
I’d ride this guy were-back on a full moon
You think this is creepy, you should have seen the Inside Edition where they made a plaster cast of his cock and made dildos for all the Fangsters.
[finishes with a three rope gusher]
Fuck a duck and waddya know! This Panasonic Toughbook is spooge proof.
If he has a sister she should play the hooker in the Total Recall remake. 6 tits are better than 3.
I call pool dick and golf ball sack a body transformation.
This dude needed to borrow Winslet’s merkin.
He’th had absinthe hith body transformation.
fulOAwe, I know bro! That’s why I fuck dogs!
“…most actors look stupid when they run…”
That’s totally what I said about Fred Thompson!
Hey Vinky! Tell UPROXX(XXX!) to stick those noisy as all fuck rollover ads up their shit crusted dick holes for me will ya?
Seriously.
Wow, the “weird queer” content of the comments section is off the fucking charts.
I just came to say props about the mexican judo comment.
I tried writing an absinthe parable but the vampires kept eating all the other characters.
@he Bon,
They have CHARTS for this kinda stuff?!
C’mon, The Bone. Like you wouldn’t Eskimo Kiss his dick tip…
I thought we were the chart.
I just gotta ratchet up teh ghey cuz Chodin is too busy to comment.
Jus puttin in work, cuz!
Sounds like David Carradine should have read these books.
17? Too old.
You’re gonna let me durst with that? You guys suck.
For this post, I’m wearing my 70′s porn merkin.
It’s called the Vagifro, if you are interested in purchasing one.
Where are the rest of the girls for this? Is the PFC meeting without me?!
ps if you’re wondering where Chino went, she almost got hustla’d.
Wait, when Kristin Stewart is high, is she “twilit”?
WHAT?! No mo, noMo? Noooooooo!!!
Al, I wouldn’t say she almost got Hustla’d…
I’d say she just had to “Anne Frank” from the IT Nazi’s.
I hope her merkin was the size of pool cover, cuz I heard her gash is the same size as the one that sunk the T(w)itanic.
I just broke down and watched the video – this guy is 17?!
WTF are they feeding kids these days? Does he sleep in a half-crunch? FUCK MIKE!
*runs into thread out of breath with bite marks in both ass cheeks*
Hi guys! Fuckin’ work. Hey is it too late to mention something about Carradine?
So David’s auto-erotic fantasies were INXS and ultimately caused his undoing?
BTW, I fully expect all of you to look like that.
Al, I’m sure I have abs like that, I just keep them well insulated.
I would rather die in a fire with a bunch of Maple Leaf fans while listening to Nickelback than be found like that, JHC.
I think Carradine was on a mission to make Heath Ledger’s death look dignified.
She had to Anne Frank the IT Nazis?
Whilst making sex in one’s attic, make sure to be giving doggy style to one’s partner. At one point during the charade, make sure to yell “Anne, the Nazies are here,” and proceed to push her down and run for the attic door, leaving her behind. For added nostalgic moment, crop dust the path inwhich you are taking. ala the gas chambers. Make sure to lock the door behind you to make sure the Nazies will not discover “poor Anne Frank.”
Me either, Al. I didn’t mean to get everyone off on a tangent from this thread.
Would you rather discuss that hot young man’s abs? I know I would.
Hey! You guys are ignoring the obvious here, that 72 year old dude was still getting down with it!
Qah Plah!
I’d like to think I’ll still be enjoying sex into my 70s, Crappy.
I’d also like to think I won’t be enjoying it alone in a closet with a rope.
But you never know.
I’d like to think I’ll still be enjoying sex into my 70s, Crappy.
Is that an age? Or a sum total of dudes?
[runs away screeming like a bitch]
…a
fuckme
I hope to still be having sex into my 70s, but I want to stop enjoying it when I’m 50. Old people having sex is gross.
When you’re 50, you’re supposed to trade your wife in for two 25-year olds, Donk.
I’d also like to think I won’t be enjoying it alone in a closet with a rope.
Then I’d advise you to stay far away from Fek.
Poor Grasshopper.
Grasshopper should be slang for a drug mule, but only for pot I guess. Are there pot drug mules? What’s that shiny thing in the corner? Are you going to finish that brownie? Hey, what day is it?
Michelle0:
1. Yes, they’re called Canadians
2. My dignity
3. I already ate it but you can have the mooncup
4. Beerday
THIRSTY THURSDAY!
*chugs piss boot, dry humps tumbleweed mouthing the words “OH YEAH!”*
*drops mooncup into piss boot – chugs
Ahhhhhhhhhhh
*strings up genitalia to neck with rope, then throws rope over closet rack*
Just another Thursday…..
Just. Another. Thursday.
Mormons get stomachs like that by performing “ablutions”.
I get a stomach like that by killing a Mormon and slicing it up.
*finds some rope, books one-way ticket to Thailand*
“All Thai’d up: The David Carradine story”
Premiering on Lifetime this fall.
Who missed me today?
I’m confused. If in the 21st century it’s perfectly normal for two dudes to get married, then why is dying naked in a closet in Thailand with a rope around your neck considered an “un-natural” death?
Oops, I just clicked on the video. Now I’m REALLY confused.
Hey, at least he didnt die from letting a horse fuck him.
I missed you, baby. But I won’t next time.
**picks up cinderblock**
What? This retaining wall isn’t going to build itself.
Commenting while high… not always a good idea.
BTK, I know it looks like I’m a crazy, lonely old Contractor with 50 cats and nothing better to do than hang out in someone else’s blog, but it’s only 10:30 here and I already built two spice racks today so BACK OFF.