WEEKEND PREVIEW: BEST WEEKEND EVER?
05.29.09
Well folks, I love to rag on Hollywood for being out of ideas, but credit where credit’s due, this weekend there are two big movies opening, and they’re tracking 98 and 94% recommended on rottentomatoes, respectively, which is better than any damn weekend I can remember (that’s fancy writer talk for “I don’t want to look it up”).
Up
I bow before Pixar. You haters can over-politicize it all you want, but Wall E was one of the best movies I’ve seen in the last few years. And by many accounts, Up is just as good. How do they do it? I hear they bathe in the blood of Christian babies. It’s true. I read that somewhere.
Drag Me to Hell
The trailer may not look like much, but keep in mind this is Sam Raimi we’re talking. Throw out emo Spider-Man and you’ve got movies like Spider-Man 2 (possibly my favorite comic-book movie) and Army of Darkness (GRR, CHAINSAW HAND). Plus, everyone says it’s good. And who are you to argue with everyone? You’re just some asshole on a computer.
Limited Release:
Departures
“Daigo Kobayashi is a young married cellist who played in an orchestra that has just been disbanded. Suddenly on the street without a job, Daigo decides to move back to his hometown with his wife. There he gets a job as an undertaker. He sees himself as a sort of gatekeeper between life and death.” Dude, you can’t just go around naming characters “Dago”. Dat’s-a racist! You make-a mama cry!
Pontypool
“Shock-jock radio D.J. Grant Mazzy has, once again, been kicked off the Big City airwaves, and now the only job he can get is the early morning show at CLSY Radio in the small town of Pontypool which broadcasts from the basement of the small town’s only church. What begins as another boring day of school bus cancellations due to yet another massive snow storm quickly becomes deadly.” …Sounds almost like …panty pool? Pocket pool? I got nothin. You can just go to Yahoo for the rest of these indies. They’re probably not playing in your town anyway.

They’re probably not playing in your town anyway.
Funny you mention that. I hope that Spider-Man 2 you were talking about is good. It opens in Nebraska next weekend.
I just got back so if this is old news then forgive me, but Andy Whatshisnarkis showed up back on his post to whine about being made fun of.
Spiderman 2 can’t carry Dark Knight’s jock, plus before you have a Raimigasm you have to remember For Love of the Game. I’d rather watch someone throw milk on an eyeless toddler.
I just got back so if this is old news then forgive me, but Andy Whatshisnarkis showed up back on his post to whine about being made fun of.
Yeah, I saw that. Also, I took the bate; sorry guys. I promise not to do it again. *shoves the troll back in the closet*
As much as I love Raimi, I’m with Maxwell on this one. The man’s averaging an almost-exactly-even hit-miss ratio. Still, I’ll probably go see it. *puts on splatter suit*
I’d go watch Up but I don’t want the homies to think I’m bitch-made.
You’re just some asshole on a computer.
HOW DID YOU KNOW???
Vince is a witch you guys. Get out the scale and the duck. We’re gonna get this sorted.
<== Is pissed Vinky stole his thunder and the easy dago joke.
I gotta defend Lince on the Raimi! Sure, not all his flick are homers, but the guy has a better than .500 average. They are not pinacles of technical cimematic filmaking but the guy has a style that is an easy mark, makes entertaining if light faire movies, and with the exception of jumping genres here and there and the big budget Spiderman (of the Brooklyn Spidermans?) has been content to make films that fit his style and do them well. I never would have picked him for Spiderman (of the Long Island Spidermans?) but he made it work, and I liked the first two.
So there.
As for Pixar, I think we know the cause of the general talent vacuum in Hollytardland. They all moved to Mt. View.
Oh, Emeryville, whatev.
Well, happy weekend fucktards!
Army of Darkness is the greatest movie ever made. No joke.
Drag me to
hell needs more Campbell
Does kobayashi eat a bunch of hot dogs while he plays this here cello?
When does pauleypool come out?
Will I be Dragged to Hell “if” I go Up a boy? Perhaps I should make my Departure before the Pool of cum near his Panties is completely absorbed.
(Trying too hard.)
There’s a “Kobayashi Maru” joke in here somewhere, but only a crazy Klingon would be able to find it.
“My name is Kobayashi. I play cello for Keyser Soze.”
CSNY Radio??? Fuck that.
Buffalo Springfield FTW!!!
Up is one of them fancy “3D” movies, right?
I say, forget 3D movies. We need more 32DD movies! Starring Diora Baird!
Do it NOW, Hollywood!!!
Up was perfect. My first time to see a movie in Real D, which was also amazing.
Spider Man 2 blows chunks Mr. Gill.
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Unrelated buuuut…why is Madea haunting Ikea kitchens?