Felt Bella wombs? I’ll take two.
After 30 Days of Night director David Slade was announced as the director for the third Twilight movie, /Film uncovered some comments from his since-deleted Twitter account in which he’d discussed the possibility of seeing Twilight…
“Twilight drunk? No, not even drunk. Twilight on acid? No, not even on acid? Twilight at gun point? Just shoot me.”
…Which the Twihards naturally weren’t too happy about. A sampling of responses:
Lola says: “I’d be happy to do the last thing he asked.”
Water Lily says: “I didn’t like those comments, they are embarrasing to the project. Kinda like you kissed a boy and then found out he told every one the week before that you had bad breath.” [editor's note: clearly a hypothetical, given the source]
Joan says: “i vote summit fires this guy b/4 they lose tons of money and make tens of thousands of girls vry vry angry.”
Which brings us to today, and Slade furiously apologizing to Twilight fans, because as we all know, hell hath no fury like a delusional cat lady scorned. Slade’s PR flack Slade writes:
When I made these comments, I had neither seen the film nor read the books. I was promoting a comedy short film that I had made for Xbox and every pop culture subject was seen as a possible comedy target. I was being silly and none of the statements were from the heart.
Of course, I have since seen the movie and read the books and was quickly consumed with the rich storytelling and the beautifully honest characters that Stephenie Meyer created.
I would like to reassure everyone involved that I am invested in making the best film that I am humanly capable of, and that I am acutely aware of the power of the original books we serve.
Oh yes, nothing like Stephenie Meyer’s beautifully honest characters. Especially that centuries-old vampire who wants nothing more than to hang out with a 16-year-old he can’t bang. That sounds thrilling. Though I’m sure this will go over fine. One thing Twilight fans by definition don’t have is a good B.S. detector.
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I. DEMAND. A. FANGSTERS. TAG.
I. DON’T. UNDERSTAND. THIS. FUCKING. JOKE. OKAY?
These hags are in love with a teenage virgin and a fucking vampire. A simple apology and a veiled promise of a trip to Friendly’s should get them dry humping this guy overnight.
All that anger is going to make tens of thousands of girls vry vry hungry.
I. DON’T. UNDERSTAND. THIS. FUCKING. JOKE. OKAY?
And this is MY problem?
In the post that described the ‘Twihards’ stabbing people, I called them ‘Fangsters’ – a play on ‘Gangsters’ i.e. “The Original Fangster”.
It’s cool if you don’t think it’s funny, I barely do… But the joke should at least be understood.
I’m vry upset no one got it the first go-round.
I forgot to put Gold Bond on my wangster.
To respond to your previous comment, yes, it helps if I understand the joke if you want me to make a tag out of it. Now I get it. I like getting things.
Fangsters Tag street signs with a mixture of karo syrup and red food coloring.
I still don’t see the tag though.
MIZ, you forgot to mix in despair and self-loathing.
And cinammon.
Yes, I could see millions of teenage girls refusing to see a Twilight movie from a director who doesn’t like Twilight just to show ‘em. This could cause a divide in the feminist movement the likes of which we haven’t seen since the backlash against workplace feminazis who look down on women who choose to raise kids.
Well Swi, I thought that was implied with the “Fangster” term. I’ll have to ask Stoney if it’s all-encompassing. Except for cinammon.
But yeah, cinammon. Mmm.
The only thing I know about these books is that my Milton teacher told me that the first one was “Barely English” which would be the name of my Bad English tribute band. “Pray for Rain” has gotten me through some tough times.
Twilight Director Backpedals Furiously
As do some Twimoms in their spinning class after hearing about this.
I thought that divide in the feminists was over whether or not they should wear men’s underwear with their cute little “business suits.”
Water Lily has a stinky crotch.
*marks calendar for seven days from now*
I see no problem with his earlier comments. Now if he’d said, “You couldn’t pay me to see Twilight,” I’d have to call him a hypocrite.
“Kinda like you kissed a boy and then found out he told every one the week before that you had bad breath.”
Doesn’t this girl know that if she keeps eating garlic she’ll never get to play “just the tip….of my fangs” with Edward?
Oski it would appear you speak their language.
Get out.
There’s nothing that can be done about this, if they had to find a director that actually liked twilight these films would never be made.
Edward Cullens B.S. detector never goes off.
Lince-should He start explaining His jokes better , or just start being actually funny?
Because her name is Bella Swan, you see.
That’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen. I’m back.
Twits.
pretend I used strikeout on the funny part in the last comment!
I’m vry vry hrny.
I am now halfway through the first book. HALF WAY. This is not some flimsy paperback, this is 500 pages of pure, unadulterated torture, people. It reads like the diary your daughter keeps under her mattress.
The author finds annoyingly repetitive variations of calling Edward “hot” about a DOZEN TIMES EVERY FUCKING PAGE.
I AM HALFWAY THROUGH. If you’re keeping track with me, that’s roughly 3,000 times I’ve read “he’s hot”.
So far, there is no story to speak of.
I’m not terribly funny most of the time, but these fucking Twilight threads suck the life right out of me.
Yeah yeah, I know where the god damned corner is, thank you vry much.
I’d like to see a Twilight fan’s reaction when they find out that the Best Boy from the first movie sent a text to his friend saying “This movie is fucking gayer than eating a Buffalo cum omelette, bro.”
JHC – try reading the f’ing thing.
Just throw these lonely girls a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a season one set of Greys Anatomy already and end this thing
Al, did you lose a bet? Are you serving some kind of bizarre community service?
Al, do we not know each other well enough by now for you not to know that I can’t read anything that doesn’t have pictures? And penetration?
Al, are you under a court order or something, if it’s that bad why not just put it down?
I wouldn’t drag the tip of my dick across the braile version of this book.
No Stoney, sometimes I just like to keep in touch on a more intimate level with what all these crazy kids today are into. Without actually chaining the boys to my radiator. Apparently that’s against my parole conditions now or some stupid thing.
Al must be reading it to her suitors aloud to complete an S&M thing, but there’s got to be a better way to inflict pain. If only there was some kind of Armada…
I borrowed it from a friend who insists it gets better. I’m still waiting.
** but thanks for lending it to me! **
Praise JHC, new up.
New up-san
They should replace the female lead with Megan Fox. The acting wouldn’t be much better, but at least straight guys who have to watch this to get laid by their girlfriends would have something to think about later on.