Just about every variation of the death-row-inmates-fight-for-their-freedom-in-the-future plot has already been done. But Gamer is totally new because this time, kids control the death-row inmates like a video game! Gerard Butler plays the lead. Gee, I wonder if he’s a former green beret/CIA Agent/Delta Force soldier who was wrongly imprisoned, and who’ll have to take down the game’s mastermind if he ever wants to see his supermodel wife/supermodel girlfriend/supermodel daughter again.
Additionally, according to IMDB, Milo Ventimiglia co-stars as “Rick Rape.” Rape is the X button in the death row video game. X rapes, R1 toggles your keistered narcotics, and there’s cheat code for toilet gin. Toilet gin in turn unlocks “super rape mode.”
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Is Rick Rape some sort of new horrifying version of Rickrolling?
Dang, Little Gav be poppin out all over in this muthafucka!
More like up up down down left right left right B A select FART!
“Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start” is a common move in the showers in this prison.
“Thank you Mario! But our princess is in another asshole!”
If you hit Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right AB Select Start you also get “super rape mode”, but you’ll be wearing a Tanooki Suit.
Fuck your fucking face, Burnsy.
You monkeyfighters.
Rapists will be referred as “Poopa Troopas”
Butler has the advantage because he’s the only person in that whole prison who knows better than to repeat the same six moves in a predictable pattern.
In this world, there is no love without Power Glove.
Is the game a prison version of Pitcher, Catcher called Shiver, Bleeder?
In this prison, Miggs yells “Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!” when he throws his jizz at you.
Catchphrase for this movie: “You sure know how to press my buttons.”
Gerald Butler’s prison nickname is Leotightass.
Super rape isn’t that bad. It’s just like regular rape, only you wear a cape and go “Pew! Pew! Pew!” with your gun fingers the whole time.
“Strange Game. The only winning move is not to watch”
Vin Diesel will be playing Abobo.
I expect all the 14 year olds who don’t like the way this movie is going to leave right before the end and go into a different theater.
In this game the human factor is very important to consider if you want to win. For example: Camping is a very dangerous tactic after chili night.
Am i giving away my age with the mario jokes? Let’s just say Megan Fox would def fuck me.
“Super rape mode” also grants you the ability to pull off the Derek Vinyard prison rape move, but only if you’ve earned enough respect by shanking to have an posse.
This still has less man-on-man sex than a game of Gears Of War at Hugh Jackman’s house.
Asshole is the quarter slot for this game is.
Donk, is that the guy from Double Dragon?
How’d you sneak cocaine in here?
Let’s just say I used my warp pipe.
You gotta play the skin flute to get the warp pipe.
Pitcher = First Person Shooter
A whole generation of teenage girls watching teenage boys play video games can now go to the movies with those boys to watch other boys play video games. Swoon.
Seems to me there are quite a few 14-year-olds nowadays that are rather adept at tuning the meat-whistle.
My meat whistle is tuned to F Major.
* the F stands for fucking