Shia LaBeouf did the Playboy interview this month, and me and most of the world already picked up on the “oh my god he said he wanted to bone his mom!” angle.  What most of us missed, however, was this other, arguably more interesting part, about how Shia got his start as a 9-year-old, stand up comedian.

“I would start off sounding like a timid child.  Maybe I’d tell a knock-knock joke.  It was an unusual set: When you have a nine-year-old performing at a club, you can’t serve alcohol, so all the drinks would be cleared for the five minutes I was up there.  People weren’t used to seeing a kid in a situation like that, so they’d applaud politely and think I was cute.  But I would hook them with bullsh*t jokes.  ‘What kind of monkey flies?  A hot-air baboon.’  Then suddenly I’d go, ‘All right, motherf*ckers, now I’m really going to tell you jokes.’  Their faces would just drop.   ‘So I walked in on my mom and dad f*cking the other night.’  And it would just get nastier and nastier.  Sh*t jokes, c*nt jokes, really really dark material.  My dad wrote most of it.  And it was coming out of this kid with a bowl haircut in corduroy OshKoshB’Gosh.  People would laugh, but I think they were more stunned and nervous than amused.” [Playboy (probably not work safe)]

…And now he’s a millionaire movie star.  Let this be a lesson to you, stage parents: if your kid’s too young for a sex tape, make them shout the c-word in a room full of drunk strangers.

What? Settle down, lady.  …Oh sure, it’s cute when the kid does it.

[picture source = Cinematical]