THE APOCALYPSE WILL BE POSTED
05.20.09G4 just premiered a new trailer for Shane Acker’s 9, a CGI-designed-to-look-like-stop-motion film produced by Tim Burton and Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov coming in September. The plot sounds basically like if Terminator Salvation date-raped Wall E at a frat party.
When 9 first comes to life, he finds himself in a post-apocalyptic world. All humans are gone, and it is only by chance that he discovers a small community of others like him taking refuge from fearsome machines that roam the earth intent on their extinction. Despite being the neophyte of the group, 9 convinces the others that hiding will do them no good. They must take the offensive if they are to survive, and they must discover why the machines want to destroy them in the first place. As they’ll soon come to learn, the very future of civilization may depend on them.
…But the party really kicks into high gear when 9 runs into Six from Blossom. Boy, the 90s were stupid.

Nein indeed.
I’ll take seven of him.
[winks at Fek]
This movie is an allegory about the republican party.
Why technology in movies always gotta be bad? I love my iPhone and DVR more than my family. On the other hand, nice robots = A.I.
What I’m saying is, bring on the sex robots. Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner please!
So they recorded Michael Bay playing with his toys and are releasing it as a movie?
:9o
Is this a parable for racism? Because I’m afraid of the bad neighborhoods, too.
Little Big Planet seemed like such a happy game when I played it last time. I guess Acker got the collectors edition or something.
By the way, I hear the eye-eater from a couple days ago is making it up to his son: two Red Ryder BB guns for Christmas.
/What, I was going to save that for the *next* eye-eating post?
Is 9 voiced by Shia LaBeouf?
brb, gotta go #9. (That’s when you crap into a clown mask and throw it at the mayor.)
The porno will be called Seven Eight (Gunshot)
Pauly: Nine.
These guys should enlist the help of an underground magician.
9 looks like a sock puppet my Alzheimer’s having Grandmother would make.
Unzip Nine to get a prize (It’s a penis).
From the looks of them, I wouldn’t be shocked if the “fearsome machines that roam the earth intent on their extinction” were frisky puppies.
Somebody get that little fucker some Laziks and tell him to shut his damn pie hole.
Jennifer Connelly voices 6, though she’ll still answer to the nickname the scientist gave her: Fifi.
His responsible side tells him to hide indoors, but his frosting side tells him to toss Molotovs at those pricks.
Despite that they’re threatened with extinction and basically share the same anatomy, 9 refuses to work together with those filthy sock monkeys.
Mark It, how did you read my internal monologue so accurately?
These fearsome machines intent on their extinction don’t happen to be clothes dryers, do they?
The reason her name was Six is because it took six beers to turn her into a butterface
9: I started masturbating.
9: How long my dick is from tip to taint.
9: The number on my jersey when Burnsy and I do our “Standing 69 Cartwheel”