RASHIDA JONES & A BASKET OF PUPPIES
05.19.09
Good news, everyone! Andy Samberg and Rashida Jones made a new promo for the MTV movie awards! And just in time for me to phone it in! Anyway, it’s a fake for your consideration ad for “Best Villain,” for the fake film “Gentle Dismemberment.” In it, Andy Samberg gives Rashida jones a basket full of puppies and she gets really excited. It’s strange, her reaction is almost the exact opposite of the girl I gave a basket of puppies to. In retrospect, I suppose I should’ve used live puppies, but how the hell do you keep them from climbing out of the basket, the slippery buggers!
Semi-related:
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“A basket of puppies” sounds like what villains have for lunch.
A true villain would have given her a box of crabs.
Rashida Jones?
She doesn’t look Black…..
You’ll never get that puppy breath smell out of that basket. Everything you ever put in there from now on will smell like spoiled roquefort.
Pauly: Did you check the back?
Pauly: Did you check the back?
The back of the bus?
Oh, I get it: he’s a “villain” because the basket was wicker and THUS all the puppy semen leaks out of the basket when she goes to take it home.
Haha, oh fuck. I get it.
Rashida Jones? More like Rashida Bones [a guy with higher self esteem than me].
The fuck?!
Pauly: Check the size of the booty. All them dark shorty’s have back. Some knight once told me so.
RASHIDA JONES & A BASKET OF PUPPIES
My dick is confused. Which one do I fuck first?
Sometimes when I watch these things with no audio, deciphering the plot is an exercise in futility. Other times, after an extended liquid lunch, it’s just a guy with a giant fake ‘stache.
Still better than that Twilight book I almost finished.
^I’m going to go with Jones for the lack of wicker. Ha! I caught myself (just like every night).
chodin: “Here you go, Rashida Jones.”
Rashida Jones: “Oh great, a wicker basket! What’s inside of it!?”
chodin: “Well, it’s funny you mention tha- IT’S FULL OF FUCKING BANGS! NOW FIX THAT GODDAMN HAIRCUT, baby.”
Did I miss the part where he cuts the hole in the basket?
Man, I’ll tell you what was confusing — Pound Puppies! How the fuck is a six-year old supposed to know the difference between a title and a command?
Anybody else seeing the advert for “DANCE FLICK” like I am and thinking that the L and the I seem a bit too close together? Some graphic designer needs to check his leading.
When’s “Jones Big Ass Shorty’s And Basket Of Puppies Emporium” opening up?
Al, you misspelled “fertility”.
Al, that friend that gave you a Twilight book wasn’t really a friend. Demand blood retribution. (It’s a Klingon thing.)
Also, if you are seeing that advert and click on it to visit the site I hate you.
Swi, I have an ad for Garmin 010-10496-00 Mount Adapter. No clue what the fuck it is, but it sounds like it’s getting more action than me. Bitch.
The last time I gave a girl a basket full of puppies, I was returning them and then had to explain to the pet store that I was only “borrowing” them for sex.
Cho – you like rolling around on puppies during extremely violent and/or deviant sex too? God, it’s like we were separated at birth.
If I had a quarter for every time that I gave a girl a basket full of bitch, I’d be a very, very, semi-poor man.
Who knew that a litter basket could be such a romantic gift..
Pet store cashier: Ok sir, that’s one basket of puppies. Anything else for you today?
Pauly: Yes. One case of peanut butter jars, please. I like to buy in bulk.
This just in: I officially hate Jessica Biel (over there).
Yeah, Al. It must be tough having to fuck Justin Timberlake all the time.
Wait. I mean it must be tough for him to have to fuck her. Yeah. That’s what I meant.
Yes, because she’s just too sexy for her own good. Poor thing can’t even land a job she’s so damn hot. Just like
DonkChodinThe Mighty OnePaulyThe DukeCrappyBurnsyJHC.Pretty GD impressive I didn’t fuck up the code, being this drunk and all.
Oh right, it’s that magical “quarter to three” time of day when all you idiots try to get all your work done in 15 minutes and then go home. Dicks.
Are you fucking serious? The Mighty Feklahr fucks off all day, why would He start trying with 15 minutes left?
Oh…
*looks around*
Psss! Wanna see Jessica Biel’s severed head? It’s in the ice cream truck! Just don’t ask about the rest of her body…heh heh…
Umm, pardon me noMo, in your comment at 4:26 by “box” were you using the vernacular for “vagina?”
Strangely enough, Rashida Jones had a friend in school named Alishamiri Smith.
Crap, I would never. I’m a LADY!!
(of the evening)
I’ll take that as a yes.
It’s better than a box of sand.
It’s always yes.
WOOO!!
I hope Rashida takes those dogs for a nice long run… I’d like to see her sweat ‘er puppies.
Fucking Costco, you have to by your puppies by the bushel. But the price, how can you resist!
Wicker… fuck…
…NO NOT THE PUPPIES!! NOT THE PUPEEEEEEEZZZZ!!!!
Yowie – Chino sounds like fun :)
The fact that you can buy a basket of fresh puppies at the Philipino grocer shows just how tolerant we are nowadays.
When he asked his dad (who has a nasty headcold) for a romantic gift idea, Andy misheard the answer as “a dozen wet noses”.
Andy’s grandma always said, “It takes a box of puppies to get a little pussy.”
“Put the fucking dog in the basket!”
The same Philipino grocer who sells you the puppies will also wok them for you!
BONG!!!
These puppies are making me dursty!
What the fuck is an underground magician? That probably some sex slang right? Like when one dude [say, Hayden Christensen for example] licks another dude’s taint clean after some intracrural sex?
Not sure about magicians, Robo, but when I was an underground bartender I got busted serving alcohol to miners.
So maybe an underground magician turns tricks for miners?
There was probably a good joke in there somewhere. FML.
Harriet Tubman was the first underground magician.
ROBO!! I swear I was just gonna say that.
I know.
*waves hands*
Magic.
Robo, can you use your magic to make these crabs that Chino gave me go away?
No, but I could pull a rabbit vibrator out of your ass (if it’s still in there from earlier).
Ta da!
Put.
That.
Back.
Why jour burro have a rabbit vibrator een heem, Pauly?
Pauly,
Look behind your ear.
Wow!
It EES magic!