Tom Cruise’s last three movies were the disappointing Valkyrie and Mission Impossible, and the über flop Lions for Lambs, but of course that didn’t keep Hollywood’s panties from going moist with anticipation about what his next film would be. Answer: Wichita, from director James Mangold (3:10 to Yuma), co-starring Cameron Diaz.
According to sources, Cruise and Diaz have approved the script, and their deals are in advanced negotiations. While Fox has not officially dated the picture [they just boned one time after a keg party -ed.], sources said the studio is eyeing a summer 2010 release. The script has been through many machinations, but the most recent drafts were done by Scott Frank, with Mangold currently fine-tuning the script with Laeta Kalogridis (“Shutter Island”). Two-hander has several action scenes. [Variety]
Tom Cruise’s script approval is important, because he’s literally a dyslexic who believes alien spirits control our thoughts. Oh, and don’t be embarrassed if you didn’t know what a “two-hander” is, I had to look it up too. Apparently it means a script with two main characters. I was thinking it was a guy with a huge weiner. (*shrugs*)
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“We need a hip title.”
“How about ‘Wichita’?”
“Boom. It’s like ‘Topeka,’ but, y’know, edgier.”
This two-hander leads to parallel wanking motions, double carpal tunnel.
If this has crop circles, The Mighty Feklahr is gonna start punching some fucking tickets…to DEATH!
I’m a two-hander according to my 3-year old niece.
Apparently the plot is that Cruise will be some sort of secret agent that comically pops up in Diaz’s life from time to time. Kinda like Ray Liotta in “Unlawful Entry”!
(*shugs*)
That how Mexicans drink beer
A two-hander is what Tom Cruise calls a coffee cup.
A “two-hander” is how I like my burritos.
Pito Burrito, to be exact.
I thought “two hander” was Cruise’s nickname on set, based on how many stagehands he needs to stand on to be in the same frame as his co-star.
I can’t wait to hear film critics telling the world what we Kansans already know. Wichita sucks.
Shugs (noun) – 1. Shitty hugs. “My mother gives shugs. That’s why Social Services wants to go on a road trip.”
Fact.
Tom Cruise would have trouble getting into half of the vehicles in Wichita.
Fact.
Hey. Mission Impossible 3 was a very fine movie, a very, very fine movie. I watch it a lot. I won’t hear bad things said.
What is it about either Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, or Wichita that says excitement to anyone?
Um…okay, I get have MI:3, Valkyrie and Lions for Lambs on there as all 3 were terrible (that’s right Nickjaa, very, very, terrible) but why did you stop there? War of the Worlds was before those three and was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY worse than all 3 combined.
On a side note Cruise was amazing in Tropic Thunder.
First of all, I don’t get you people that think Cruise was good in Tropic Thunder. He was fucking horrible. The makeup and the character were kind of funny, but any high school drama kid could’ve done better than Tom Cruise. The entire joke was just “look at me, I’m tom cruise in a fat suit!”
Anyway, to answer your question, I agree War of the Worlds was worse than all three. I didn’t include it because I meant the other two were disappointing from a business standpoint. W.o.W. sucked, but made a lot of money.
Valkyrie was good and TC was good in it; just wasn’t a hit. MI3 was solid too. War o’Worlds had some quality moments but the ending sucked a bag of Spielbergian cock.
Valkyrie gargled my balls.