MORE LIKE WHERE *AREN’T* THEY NOW…
05.13.09Hey, remember Thomas Ian Nicholas (three first names = probable serial killer)? The kid from American Pie and Rookie of the Year? …Probably not. Nonetheless, he’s back! Sorta. Okay he’s actually just singing a really crappy song. And he appears to be making sweet gay love to the microphone. Also: I love the nonsensical song clichés. For instance the 1:32 mark, where he sings: “Don’t stop/Keep on moving toward tomorrow…”
Hmm, so, uh… don’t die? That’s your advice, essentially? Very provocative, this. No really, I think this could be concept album.
[blame Burnsy for this tip]
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Asian chick: “I took 20 years of classical cello training for this? I haven’t been this bored since I did the sound effects for that Immodium radio commercial.”
a kid in king arthur’s court takes on a whole new meaning… hope Gwenevere isn’t jealous
I’m not sure we should be making fun of a guy who spent part of his developing years with Gary Busey. (eyes walls suspiciously)
Rodandgagger!
http://dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2009/05/die-cuntscab.html
slightly nsfw language
I’m going to see his band tonight. I’m overloading with the heckling possibilities.
Rottenhoseher!
stifler’s mom is his only groupie
if talent and size had any correlation, vida guerra’s ass would be the biggest thing in hollywood
The cello player has names for all of her instruments. She calls the one in this video “Mary Kate.”
but don’t let me get off on a tangent on her ass… tee hee
I like how the cello solo floated into the song.
Vince, Thomas Ian Nichols wants to know if you’d make a post like this about Tom Petty.
Maroon 5 called. They’re looking for their “Biggest Fucksteaks In The World” plaque.
Thomas Ian Nichols was going to buy food for the crew on this shoot but John Tesh and Kenny G stole his lunch money.
When I was in prison my cornhole was named “Fucksteak” and all the prisoners liked to spread their A1 on it. Still tender.
i always thought this guy looked like the smart jew from that one show about numbers… Smart Jew Tough Jew, I think it’s called. The one with Dear John.
Look, I don’t want to sound like a fist-fucker, but that song was great.
*takes sip from Zima*
Still not as good as Wyld Stallyns.
*air guitar*
I can’t wait to play this CD in the car and then tell my Maxima how fucking gay he is.
Now I don’t know what it would taste like, but if you order a “Thomas Ian Nicholas” at the bar, it definitely comes with a dick-shaped straw.
*signals bartender for another round*
Listen, I don’t need some uppity little faggot to sing me the directions to never-neverland.
Say what you will, but Thomas Ian Nicholas will always be my no. 1 actor who has starred in a children’s sports movie, encouraging premature injury rehabilitation.
No audio for me, but if you play that video with the Four Horsemen in the background… it still sucks.
I like how the cello solo floated into the song.
His Mom told him to float it.
So I guess what you guys are telling me is that I shouldn’t expect this to show up on Rock Band: Child Actors Edition?
The only way that song could have been any less gay, is if I wasn’t blowing two USC lacrosse players as I listened to it.
Is this off the new Dogstar album?
I can relate. The longer I look at a little blond girl in a nightie the older she starts looking to me too.
Thomas Ian Nicholas totally wants to stay friends with you, Girl. He was just joking around with that whole date thing.
Speaking of sex toys: for the record, my armada does NOT include a jack hammer.
Q Lazzarus’ “Goodbye Horses” tucks it’s dick back and looks at itself in the mirror to this song.
Hugh Jackman thinks you’re all being very mean. He’s going to buy TIN a fuzzy navel to lift his spirits.
He subscribes to the Ronnie James Dio school of lyric writing and the Marilyn Chambers school of cock juggling.
His album is best described as “Music to date-rape by”
TIN thinks the very best American Pie is served in Greek restaurants.
This album got 4 out of 5 poop-dicks in the Village Voice review.
TIN is an alternative to the Jonas Brother’s edgy, sexy material so say devout Christian Parents.
How much extra to get the cello chink to give one of those jerk jobs with her greasy yellow knee pit?
This song is on my guyPod. It sounds better with my dick-tip shaped ear buds.
TIN is a panty-weater.
If only I had a dime for every occasion that I found myself in a dried up salt bed with a 5-year-old girl.
Forty cents, dickhead.
From Thomas’ MySpace page;
The purpose of a soul patch is to tickle the shaft-to-sack transition spot, thereby accelerating climax so you can jump onto the next dudes cock and earn another $5.
(>/i<)
This song is part of an experimental musical therapy program aimed at curing nymphomania.
Remember when musicians used to be cool? Me neither. BTW, Thomas Ian Nicholas is a weird name for a Jew. I wonder if his Rabbi approves of that sperm sponge he’s got growing under his lip.
So I guess my grandmother wasn’t just being superstitious when she warned me as a young boy, “Never forget, if you go down on Tara Reid, it will fuck your whole life up.”.
Everytime David Bowie passes TIN a Mars Bar neither of them is seen for 20 minutes.
He’s named Thomas Ian Nicholas cause his Mom didn’t know which of those 3 dudes’ load got her pregnant.
Productions Assistant: “Look, maybe you don’t understand who we’re talking about here: this is a music video for fucking Thomas Ian Nicholas!”
Color Guard Rep: “Faggot, I hear you. But there’s just no way that I’m lending you these flags for an entire weekend.”
“Thomas Ian Nicholas” is Chad Michael Murray’s safe word.
Mamma MIA!
[sings Paper Planes, leaves]
TIN doesn’t go to fairs anymore because he is tired of winning Beauty Pageants.
“Without Warning” is how most of his sex happens.
That girl is there to give him back his lip gloss.
Rumor has it that Thomas Ian Nicholas’ next music video will feature pantyhose, erotic asphyxiation and his cousin’s super-8 camera.
Thomas Ian Nicholas thinks he and Megan Fox are soulmates because he only fucks dudes over 30 too.
All I know is by the end of the video I had pee on my face and poop in my lap and blame Burnsy.
Thomas Ian Nicholas thinks acronyms aren’t as funny as full names.
Thomas Ian Nichols is Ryan Gosling’s biggest fan.
Thomas Ian Nicholas doesn’t understand why Fabio’s star faded.
Thomas Ian Nicholas pretends to hate Mike Tyson.
In the 90′s this song would have been Golddust’s entrance music.
[TIN looks at his hands]
Ha ha, I love you snatches!
Thomas Ian Nicholas has started work on this years haunted house already, dang if those kids aren’t growing up so fast.
Dude VaLince, with all the comments/hits this post is getting, Google is gonna lump FD in with all the other sites for 50yo boy lovers with psoriasis and shitty taste in music.
Sokay tho, I’ll just blame Burnsy.
New up, suckas.
Thomas Ian Nicholas’ only regret about his involvement in American Pie was how popular ‘MILF’ became. It’s just disrespectful to women.
Qah Plah!!!
Good morning Mr. Nicholas…I have your messages…Steven Perkins from 3rd Eye Blind called and he wants his look back. The band Live called…they want their song back. Oh and several from Chris Klein he needs that 20 bucks he borrowed back in 98, something about needing a Nic Cage forehead.