05.06.09 DETAILS ON JACKIE CHAN/WILL SMITH KARATE KID
In case you’ve repressed the memory, Will Smith is producing a Karate Kid remake in China, to be partially financed by China’s state-run China Film Group Corps, starring Jaden Smith as Daniel-san and Jackie Chan as Mr. Miyagi. Moviehole recently dug up some details on the project and here is what they learned:
- Daniel-san will be named “Dre”.
- Story set in motion when Dre’s mom gets transferred to Beijing
- Dre’s “a skateboarding video-game buff” who has a rough time adjusting and gets beaten up by bullies, especially one named Li Quan Ha
- Chan’s Mr. Miyagi character, now called “Mr. Han,” is Dre’s building maintenance man, who discovers Dre (with a black eye) practicing martial arts kicks from his video game.
- “It’s still called “The Karate Kid” despite rumours it’d be retitled “The Kung Fu Kid” - which would make sense, considering it’s Kung-Fu, not Karate, that our hero learns in the film.”
And instead of a karate tournament, later in the film, Mr. Han helps Dre get a job with the government, where he’s on the front lines of a brutal crackdown on Li Quan Ha’s pro-democracy demonstration. In the climactic scene, Dre crack’s open Quan’s skull with a “crane stick.” Take that, bully.
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There are 44 comments about:
DETAILS ON JACKIE CHAN/WILL SMITH KARATE KID
This. Will. Fucking. Suck.
You know the economy’s bad when American women are being shipped to China.
“Show me Pick The Cotton…”
“Show me Mop The Floor…”
Mr. Han is the short version of his name that he forced Dre to use lest their special friendship end.
“Excellent… now show me Dunk the Basketball…”
“Show me Cornrow The Hair…”
Jaden: How is this Kung Fu?
Jackie: It’s not, but my house is clean!
Show me, wax that ass…
“Now show me Bust A Freestyle…”
Not one word on John Kleese and Cobla Kai? They are the dojo downtown that specializes in pomegranate defense!
“Show me, where the white women at…”
“Show me cock bigger than pinkie toe…”
IT’S. A. MONTY. PYTHON. REFERENCE. LINCE.
(that’s on topic AND racist!)
Jackie to Dre in a tank: “Show me Crush the Man”
“Wonderful… now show me Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture…”
His signature move will be the sickle cell solar plex punch.
Producers were reluctant to call this a ’sequel’, fearing adding a #2 to the title would get them a General Tso’s Chicken Combination.
Italians Karate like this…
and Black people Karate like this…
Sean Penn liked this idea so much he’s bringing his kid to China to produce a remake of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, also featuring Jackie Chan as Mr. Han.
“Show me Kool Aid Smile…”
“Show me Superman That Hoe…”
I can’t copy/paste on my iPhone yet but I am so nominating Stoney’s “General Tso’s Chicken” comment if nobody else does.
I got yer back, erswi.
Dre’s Mom’s transfer is only the beginning of her troubles. Eventually, when she can’t afford the rent, Mr. Hurd Kok makes her an offer.
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