05.28.09 IF KENNY POWERS WAS A BITCH
Jake Kasdan has come on a board to direct Bad Teacher, a script by Office/Year One/Ghostbusters 3 writers Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg which sounds basically like Eastbound & Down if Kenny Powers had a uterus.
Sold to Columbia pictures last August, the original screenplay concerns a foul-mouthed seventh grade teacher who is dumped by her sugar daddy and starts to pursue a colleague, which provokes conflict with the school’s model teacher. [THR]
[say /Film, who've apparently read it]: Screenplay revolves around Elizabeth Halsey, a teacher with a cussin’ problem who ends up in a bitter rivalry with her squeaky-clean colleague Amy Squirrel. Elizabeth is the sort of girl who wakes up at 3.40 in the afternoon, looks for breakfast in the fridge but finds only packets of ketchup, mustard and soy sauce so turns to her bong instead.
The good news is that the project was on the black list, and actually started with a screenplay, rather than some bonehead pitch by a studio exec (”What if… Kevin James… has to babysit a cat!”). And Jake Kasdan has been around, last directing Walk Hard, which I thought looked pretty funny. Then again, I never actually saw it. So really, I guess it’s kind of like when a hobo asks me for money and I reach in my pocket for some change but then I think, “Ah, f*ck it.”
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2008/09/fdghostbusters-150x150.jpg)
There are 52 comments about:
IF KENNY POWERS WAS A BITCH
I didn’t think Walk Hard was terrible. It was probably on par with Step Brothers. Not great, but not bad. Like me in bed.
It may be cause I’m a li’l drunk already but a bong rip would hit the spot right about now.
If Danny McBride was a chick, I’d rather fuck the real Danny McBride than her
A bum once asked me for change, and I told him it has to start with the man in the mirror. So I broke it over his head and stabbed him with the shards before fleeing the scene.
I ask bums for change.
Nigel, that’s 7 years bad luck.
I had a pair of M-Frame Oakleys in high school. They didn’t pull me any pussy. Probably because they clashed with my member’s only jacket.
Where the fuck is everybody? *sniffs armpits* Ah. I see.
Are we not supposed to wear M frames anymore or something? Why did I not get this memo?
Who’s playing the midget?
Amy Squirrel? If they’re going to start making dumb names like that then we might as well name Elizabeth’s vagina Sour Patch.
Fine, I’ll see it. If nothing else, Army Squirrel sounds pretty rad.
Who’s playing the nun that gets raped?
Any Squirrel is what Richard Gere tried before his friends corrected him.
Elizabeth’s sugar daddy is a gummi bear who rules Candyland with a corn syrup fist.
I used to have a plussin’ problem till Yo Teach monologued me a solution.
I had a bad seventh grade teacher too. He wore a single white sequined glove.
Fun fact: The Mighty Feklahr has a deep freeze reserved solely for “7th Grade Teachers That Told Me I Would Never Graduate High School”.
I tried to go Eastbound and Down on a chick but I ended up breaking her click.
packets of ketchup, mustard and soy sauce
I think Chinese restaurants call that Egg Foo Young.
Who wants to bet they’re looking at Amy Poehler for the title role?
I tried to give my girl the corn syrup fist but ended up eating it while she screamed “Bad Teacher, BAD TEACHER!”
I bet his nuts have a tan line.
She should have plenty of time to film, Donk. Parks and Rec is fucking horrendous and has to be headed for the tick infested outhouse that is cancellation.
In a moment of drunken stupor, I poured corn syrup on my dick while my wife was showering in hopes of some freaky deeky and passed out. Yeah, I woke up with our Yorkie stuck face to fuck stick.
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