
Jake Kasdan has come on a board to direct Bad Teacher, a script by Office/Year One/Ghostbusters 3 writers Gene Stupnitsky and Lee Eisenberg which sounds basically like Eastbound & Down if Kenny Powers had a uterus.
Sold to Columbia pictures last August, the original screenplay concerns a foul-mouthed seventh grade teacher who is dumped by her sugar daddy and starts to pursue a colleague, which provokes conflict with the school’s model teacher. [THR]
[say /Film, who've apparently read it]: Screenplay revolves around Elizabeth Halsey, a teacher with a cussin’ problem who ends up in a bitter rivalry with her squeaky-clean colleague Amy Squirrel. Elizabeth is the sort of girl who wakes up at 3.40 in the afternoon, looks for breakfast in the fridge but finds only packets of ketchup, mustard and soy sauce so turns to her bong instead.
The good news is that the project was on the black list, and actually started with a screenplay, rather than some bonehead pitch by a studio exec (“What if… Kevin James… has to babysit a cat!”). And Jake Kasdan has been around, last directing Walk Hard, which I thought looked pretty funny. Then again, I never actually saw it. So really, I guess it’s kind of like when a hobo asks me for money and I reach in my pocket for some change but then I think, “Ah, f*ck it.”



I didn’t think Walk Hard was terrible. It was probably on par with Step Brothers. Not great, but not bad. Like me in bed.
It may be cause I’m a li’l drunk already but a bong rip would hit the spot right about now.
If Danny McBride was a chick, I’d rather fuck the real Danny McBride than her
A bum once asked me for change, and I told him it has to start with the man in the mirror. So I broke it over his head and stabbed him with the shards before fleeing the scene.
I ask bums for change.
Nigel, that’s 7 years bad luck.
I had a pair of M-Frame Oakleys in high school. They didn’t pull me any pussy. Probably because they clashed with my member’s only jacket.
Where the fuck is everybody? *sniffs armpits* Ah. I see.
Are we not supposed to wear M frames anymore or something? Why did I not get this memo?
Who’s playing the midget?
Amy Squirrel? If they’re going to start making dumb names like that then we might as well name Elizabeth’s vagina Sour Patch.
Fine, I’ll see it. If nothing else, Army Squirrel sounds pretty rad.
Who’s playing the nun that gets raped?
Any Squirrel is what Richard Gere tried before his friends corrected him.
Elizabeth’s sugar daddy is a gummi bear who rules Candyland with a corn syrup fist.
I used to have a plussin’ problem till Yo Teach monologued me a solution.
I had a bad seventh grade teacher too. He wore a single white sequined glove.
Fun fact: The Mighty Feklahr has a deep freeze reserved solely for “7th Grade Teachers That Told Me I Would Never Graduate High School”.
I tried to go Eastbound and Down on a chick but I ended up breaking her click.
packets of ketchup, mustard and soy sauce
I think Chinese restaurants call that Egg Foo Young.
Who wants to bet they’re looking at Amy Poehler for the title role?
I tried to give my girl the corn syrup fist but ended up eating it while she screamed “Bad Teacher, BAD TEACHER!”
I bet his nuts have a tan line.
She should have plenty of time to film, Donk. Parks and Rec is fucking horrendous and has to be headed for the tick infested outhouse that is cancellation.
In a moment of drunken stupor, I poured corn syrup on my dick while my wife was showering in hopes of some freaky deeky and passed out. Yeah, I woke up with our Yorkie stuck face to fuck stick.
If Danny Mcbride was mexican, then in the banner pic he’d look like the Tejano construction dude I always see at the gas station.
Maybe they can get Katherine Heigl to star in this, if for no other reason than it saves the rest of the cast from having to pretend they hate her.
J, I don’t know if it’s Bubbles that makes you 10x funnier, but… yeah.
(*is suddenly hot for JHC. Don’t tell his wife.*)
*blushes*
Well, my joint has turned into a roach and my beer bottle has poured it’s last bit of awesome into my face….
and if my 7th grade teacher tought me anything, it would be to keep drinking ’til you can’t do things that end with ‘alk’.
I bet dollars to dognuts (is that right?) that Paul Rudd will be in this flick.
I thought Eastbound & Down was the name of the scene when Forrest Gump was jogging to the Atlantic Ocean.
No, that was “Avatard.”
…wakes up at 3.40… looks for breakfast in the fridge but finds only packets of ketchup… so turns to her bong instead.
I thought everyone did that? (except at 4:20 instead of 3:40 – where the hell did THAT random time come from)
Eastbound and Downs was the name of Corky’s short-lived rap tour through Compton.
Eastbound and Gagged is how Aziz Ansari’s extradition order will read if he keeps badmouthing IMAX.
*note to self: Bubbles avatars make posts funnier. Get one ASAP!*
Eastbound/Tortured/Killed was the name of the hugely successful Rader/Fek’lhr tour to New York, 2004-05.
*sits back, waits for noms to roll in…*
*Last mention of corn syrup: 15ish posts ago.*
* Fuck it!*
Make sure your girl shaves her cunt before you give her a Corn Syrup Fist or else nobody will believe you.
What are the chances of Cruise/Diaz’s Wichita being about BTK, BTK?
Yeastbound & Down is a gynecologist’s least-favo(u)rite procedure.
Amy Squirrel better enjoy stuffing nuts in her mouth…
Fuck it. I’m done.
Army Squirrel was my favorite GI Joe. I think he’s the Wayans.
Amy Squirts is my favorite female ejaculation porn star.
East, Brown, & Down is the story of the decline of the NY Knicks under Isaiah Thomas.
Amy Squirrel kept her married name after the divorce. When she marries her ex-husband’s former sidekick/best friend in Morocco later this year, she’ll be known as Amy Mole.
Just one quick thing for Vince n reference to the main page’s description. . . define virtually.
Vince,
If you don’t mind, let me field this one.
“Virtually rape free since 2007″ simply means that no one (male or female) who is virtuous, or “with virtue” if you will, has been raped within the physical confines of, or as a result of association with Filmdrunk or parent company Uproxx since January 1, 2007.
FilmDrunk and parent company Uproxx as a public service do wish to notify our customers that Pauly’s probation will end on Dec. 31, 2009 and we will not be held liable for any incidents that occur after that date.
I thought it meant that Film Drunk offers ‘Free virtual rape’.
Dang … guess I should stop ramming this Conky doll up my butt…
:(
“Virtually rape free” just means nobody’s been virtual-reality raped here since ’07. Grandma’s (Bryce’s) old fashioned folksy one-on-one rape is just one of the services we currently and frequently provide here, now and in perpetuity.
Oh, and speaking of our recent derth of virtual rape . . .
*I put on my robe and wizard hat*
Okie dokie then. Thanks for the help there from the offices of Dooter, Panda, and Durst Attorneys at Drunk.