HOLY HELL: ‘DADDY ATE MY EYES’
05.18.09
Okay, everyone, we’re gonna push pause on movie news for one second while I report THE MOST METAL STORY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.
Turns out a guy in Bakersfield got high on PCP and… wait for it… ATE HIS SON’S EYEBALLS. And then he tried to chop his own legs off with an axe.
After attacking the child, 34-year-old Angel Vidal Mendoza Sr. quickly left his apartment in a wheelchair, entered a backyard of a nearby vacant home and attacked his own legs with an ax, severely injuring himself, Bakersfield police reported.
The child, 4-year-old Angelo Mendoza Jr., later told police, “My daddy ate my eyes.”
[Bakersfield.com via BoingBoing]
Sorry for the unrelated photo, but that was probably the worst story I’ve ever heard. I guess I just needed this picture of a dog wearing a Hello Kitty hat to remind me that there’s still goodness in the world.
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They always said he had his Dad’s eyes….
He just wanted them back.
I think I’ll have Popeye’s for lunch.
That little boy just became 100% sexier to me.
This happened to Chodin too, but he said it was a “brown eye”.
Jeepers, creepers, I’m hungry for your peepers…
He should have “freyed” them.
Son, you’re the apple of my eye and I’m fucking hungry.
Coincidentally, I had Pork Clops for lunch today.
Look, I know it was rude of him and all, but I don’t think a story about Prince eating his son’s alphabet soup is THAT horrible.
Wait, who was this about?
I’d ax my body before I’d Axe my body.
First, he churned them together with a little milk and sugar, then put them in the freezer.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for eyes cream.
When this guy catches a movie, he always springs for the Junior Mince.
He has his eyes on the prize as he pries on the eyes.
See folks, people in my town know how to fuck.ing.rock!
And fuck you VaLince, it’s still better than Reedley.
(0)(0)-00=( )( )
…attacked his own legs with an ax…
He just wanted to “ax” where the “knee-grows”.
Though he doesn’t understand why it happened, the boy will shed no tears for his father’s fate.
And then I make a joke about being “defeeted”!!!! I’m good at jokes.
Eating my son’s eyeballs is another Mendoza Line I just can’t seem to cross.
I think his eyes were bigger than his stomach.
This kid’s life isn’t over. Look at Ray Charles — he had no sight, but he went on to sing that song, “Gorging On My Eyes.”
This is just evidence of a degree of strickness not many can appreciate.
“Boy, I swear, if you don’t clean your room I’ll eat your fucking eyes!”
I bet Angel just wanted to make sure that his son could see what he was talking about.
Angelo just inspired Billy Idol to write his comeback song…
Nothing this cool ever happened to me on PCP. Musta been some bunk shit.
When the judge gives this gu his sentencem he’ll shout defiantly: “Socket to me!”
/durst
He should have just given him a good lashing.
I blame Manny Ramirez.
His only regret is that his son didn’t have Bette Davis Eyes. He heard those are fucking delicious!
Whoa man, this whole post…deja vu…
For his next performance, this guy is going to produce a parody of that Brad Renfro/Ian McKellen film when he gets to the john in his prison cell. Crapt Pupil.
The child was immediately rushed to the ICU But You Can’t See Me.
As police rushed into the scene, the father jumped up and yelled “THE ARISTOCRATS”, and took a bow.
He’s gonna have chunks of cornea in his poop!
Few things are worse than eyeball farts.
This man uses Orbitz to book his travel.
There goes John Cusack’s plans for a sequel called “Being Angelo Vidal Mendoza Jr.”
Police say they think this is just an eyesolated incident.
He just wanted some good ol’ down-home, pathway-to-the-Soul Food, like mama used ta make.
Apples new must have gadget, the iSocket, is over rated.
Angelo’s father really blindsided him.
This, my friends, is why you don’t play the Dirty Dancing soundtrack while on PCP. He got hungry eyes.
Apparently, later on he was listening to “Footloose” also.
Maimed & cannibalized 4 year old, blood masturbation Antichrist movie, Paris Hilton & 2 Christmas Carol posts. Yep, you sure set out a real comedy cornucopia today, Vince.
I have never been so proud of a group of people in my life…
*sniff* *slowly rises to feet* *golfclap*
Rogert Ebert gave “Attack of the Mendozer” four stars, calling it “a visual feast for adults, but probably not suitable for small children.”
What a selfish dad. If he had simply stopped at one eye, the boy could have grown up to be the most popular Raiders fan on the block!
Upside, one less shitty Mexican driver on the road.
How in the fuck is that kid gonna pick grapes or work at the carwash with no eyes?
One thing I know about movies is that blind minorities are very wise. So I’m glad this father has taken an active role in his son’s education.
Mexicans are lazy.
But they make the best tacos.
After his father was done with him, all that was left of Angelo was eye carumbas.
Tripas, lengua, cabeza, eyeballs, Mexicans will eat anything.
You just know that guy threw some Lucas salt on them shits before he ate them.
LaVarr Burton can relate.
Stinky Peet says: *slowly rises to feet*
God, talk about insensitive.
Eye caramba dude!
If only the neighbors had been paying more attention, but I guess they figured “out of sight, out of mind.”
Eye, Eye, goodbye!
HAHA! I stepped on noMo’s pee pee!
I think Mr. Mendoza took “Readers Digest” too literally.
Nu hup!
This kid is going to have a mserable lfe.
Junior might feel inspired if he watches Daredevil. Oops.
/just as well, that movie blows
I guess you could say he just didn’t *puts on sun glasses* see it cuming.