THIS IS AN AWESOME PICTURE
05.14.09
Believe it or not, this is NOT an artist’s representation of what a lady feels like after she’s received my lovin’. In fact that would be kind of the opposite of this. No, this is actually a promo photo from Hisss, a movie based on the Eastern myth of the snake woman. It was directed by Jennifer Lynch, who, shockingly, is David Lynch’s daughter. It doesn’t have a release date yet, but you can watch the trailer and read the longest effing movie synopsis I’ve ever seen over at RopeOfSilicon. In related news, I’ve heard your mother is quite the snake woman.
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So where’s the hole?
I can’t be the only person that would be interested in a hummer with a forked tongue, can I? You could tow two trailers at once!
At least I only rip their heads of and eat them after mating. Looks like this one eats the entire guy.
Burnsy: I said what what, in the butt.
Constrictor? I barely knew her!!
I’ve always fantasized about a woman that had to unhinge her jaw to take all of me at once, but this is fucking ridiculous.
Great, now I want a man for lunch.
BANNER PIC
A Steve Irwin wet dream.
So she’s half hot chick and half Horton?
You don’t want to wear snakeskin cowboy boots on a date with her
Two words for Jennifer: Boxing Helena. hahahahhaah
Snake Woman, you say? I got nothin’.
My anaconda don’t want none. Ever.
I want to show the snake woman my mongoose
With a woman having something like that between her legs,arent men obsolete?
Bitch has a FLAMING case of herpes.
She knew right away she’d made a mistake sleeping Cobra Commander without protection but she didn’t see this coming.
I’d hit it.
Anybody else fire off three times since it was posted?
Bursny, you take the snake in the ass.
Three in the pink. One in the ssssssssstink?
Does she shed every month?
Oh great, now not only do you have the monthly “guess my mood swing asshole” issue, but every two months she’ll be a total bitch for a week before she sheds her skin.
Doesn’t count, mine was
betterlonger.@chino–Boa? I hardly knowa!
No matter how much money you make, she always wants a bigger terrarium.
Does she have a daughter? I’m a bit of a pedotile.
“Hi Mom – bad news, the rabbit died.”
“Your snake girlfriend is pregnant?”
“No, she ATE the rabbit – what is this, 1945?”
I’ve chased some tail in my day, (gnome sayin’ boyz) but this is a bit much.
Does this skin make me look fat?
Yeah, baby, it does. Maybe it’s time to shed again?
The Cobra Kai’s ultimate weapon to take out Daniel San.
I like to wear garters, too, but this is ridiculous!
The worst part about being a snake woman? Convincing mall security that you’re not shoplifting.
She calls her monthly cycle a “Plissken”.
Crappy, hell yeah muhfuckah! Eyes know whatchu sayin’ boi!
If they need to keep the budget down on this picture, tell Jennifer I’d work for scale.
noMo, garters… funny, but also my weakness. I’d fuck the corpse of Dom DeLouis if he had on garters and stockings. Remember ladies, panties on the outside.
I’d like to make her cloaca pop!!!
You got that right J-Rock.
I feel terrible… I kinda didn’t want to make a pun that bad, anaconda did anyway.
Line I’d say when I killed her:”You won’t be the first snake I harmed.”
I bet her tail would be great for [finger quotes] snaking the drain, gnome sayin’?
Clearly she’s engaged – did you see the size of that diamond on her back?
Jake Roberts just broke out of jail. He was last seen heading west with a burlap sack and a can of whipped cream.
Good. She still has hands to work the sink, stove & vacuum cleaner.
During the last months of pregnancy Snake Women are known to be Hysssterical.
Take a look at her Mambas. Whoo-eee
This Dick Cheney’s mom, ohwha?
I’m not interested in a woman that can give me a piece of tail without actually touching me.
Setting the temperature to 45 degrees is the equivalent of a ruphie for snake ladies.
After the abnormal pap smear she was scheduled for a hisssterectomy.
As much as I say I would, I don’t think I could make it with a snake lady. You see, I suffer from ereptile dysfunction.
Snake children play Duck, Duck, Mongoose.
Yeah Mom, I guess it is possible that she crawled out from under some rock, but I fucking love her!!!
“Honey, where’s the cat?”
“…uh…buuurrrrp…dunno?”
Snake children have a lot of serpentine-age angst.
SPOILER ALERT!
She’s hunted down and killed by three assassins. One an Englishman, one a Pacific Islander, and one a Hindu:
Ricky, Tiki, and Tavi.
If you have no idea where to stick the hangar is it okay to use a machete?
I’ll bet you Victoria’s Secret has the “perfect bra” for that shit, too.
Jesus, after reading the so called synopsis I feel like I’ve watched the entire movie.
George Lucas wishes he thought of this for Indiana Jones first
A representative for Dove skin care division was quoted as saying, “Uh…fuck…”
FistO, are you landing planes on her?
Her #1 weakness? The dreaded trouser snake.
That’s one white chick a black dude won’t even think about gamming.
I bet she’s easily rattled.
Hey! I made a Crap sammich!! ^^^
Samuel L Jackson has a major problem with her.
Better put lots of warm, moist sand in the theater box office because it looks like this snake woman movie is getting ready to lay a pretty big fucking egg there.
You made it, so don’t just look at it, eat it!
Bet she only has sex under a heat lamp
She’s got some ESLs going on there.
(egg sucking lips)
Al:It helps me aim my Boning 747.
I like a woman who can spoon herself.
But I bet she has a great personality.
Snakewoman pussy tastes just like chicken.
I’d “knock the boots” with her, then make a pair of boots out of her.
Snakewoman is always trying to get you to eat your fruit.
Snakewoman was the inspiration for that one Bel Biv Devoe song.
When she orgasms, it’s called the Rattlesnake Shake.
*throws on Motley Crue jean jacket, heads to carwash to polish IROC-Z*
Mice jump up on chairs when they see her in their kitchen.
She bites.
Hooded cobras freak snakewoman out!
Her husband is a real charmer.
Her movement is often mistaken for belly dancing.
Sports Illustrated: Lizard Edition.
DO NOT let her on a plane with Sam Jackson.
If she bites your dick she can suck the venom out at the same time.
Shit, lizards aren’t synonymous with snakes.
I hear she has a nice job as a plumber’s assistant.
**glares sternly at Stoney**
We just found Kerry King his perfect woman.
If I cut out one of her eyes I could honestly say I have a huge one-eyed snake.
Did I step on yours Al? I admittedly skipped over page three altogether.
Since I figured it was only my comments you routinely skip over, I’m slightly less offended.
New up.
I’m sorry, Al. I normally read yours twice.