05.01.09 BOOM! PEW-PEW! KABLOOIE! ZOINKS! *FART*

The black smoke monster is bigger, the green rust monster is jealous.

Snake Eyes and storm shadow are taking this Spy Vs. Spy thing way too far.

HOLD. THE. MOTHERFUCKING. PHONE. Was that MARLON WAYANS? Is it possible that with the whole time I’ve been aware of this movie’s existence and the countless wasted hours I’ve spent reading this blog I somehow missed the fact that there’s a fucking WAYANS BROTHER in it? Sign me the fuck up.

Apparently whomever made the Baroness joke earlier was correct.

Blowing is half the battle.

Snake Eyes: “General, how do you keep your lawn so healthy?”

General: “Mowing is half the battle.”

I know who made that post, Erswi.

(points to…)

Your crotch made that post?

No one really mentions that the other half of the battle involves killing foreigners.

Simpson, how do you not let your constant stream of mistakes in life get you down?

D’OH-ing is half the battle.

theoretically.

How do you plan to win the combination sculling / team bike race this weekend?

Rowing is half the battle.

Heckle: “I say, Jeckle – how DO you manage to keep your lungs so healthy?”

Jeckle: “Well, Heckle – it’s funny you should ask. You see, crowing is half the battle.”

“Eminem, you somehow keep putting out shitty music. How do you do it?”

Flowing is half the battle. Being a wigger is the other half.

I call my right hand my “Cobra Commander.”

I’d like to show the Baronesse my Destr-o-face.

The extra e makes it fancy.

*holds pinky in the air while furiously masturbating*

“Doctor Manhattan, you don’t have any lights in your apartment – how do you see where you’re going?”

“Glowing is half the battle.”

“Alright then, let’s see you drop trou and show us what you got.”

“OK, but keep in mind that growing is half the battle.”

I keep trying to convince my wife that it’s not about showing – growing is half the battle.

“How do you reap so much, Mr. Farmer?”

“Sowing is half the battle.”

Signals Erswi with a virtual T-Square.

“JHC, what’s the secret to your success as an Automobile Salvage Yard owner?”

“Towing is half the battle.”

Remebers kiddies, it’s not just MTV raps…
…yoing is half the battle.

Here J I had,

Senator, what is the secret to mastering the party line?

Towing is half the battle.

“Mr. Bill, how to you manage to make getting crushed funny?”

“Oh No’ing is half the battle.”

Ma’am, what is the hardest part of menstruation?

Flowing is half the battle.

“So, you say you’re having bladder problems?”

“Yeah Doc. Going is half the battle.”

“Joey Lawrence, how did you make the girls love you so much?”

“Woah’ing was half the battle. Zima took care of the rest.”

You gotta help me mom, every time we try to get to bed we wake the baby.

Tip Toeing is half the battle.

What’s it like to be a cop in Hawaii?

Five-Ohing is half the battle.

“How do you get through life being a prostitute?”

“Hoeing is half the battle.”

“Governer Palin, why do you think Alaska is so beautiful in winter?”

“I’ll have to get back to you.”

We have a heated contract negotiations for the new super-fighter aircraft from our rivals Lockheed-Martin.

Don’t worry, Boeing is half the battle.

Ms. Lords, how do you deep throat with such aplomb?

Swallowing is half the battle.

How the hell do you impress chicks with a dowel and a string?

Yo-Yo-ing is half the battle.

What’s it like being a professional baseball catcher?

Throwing is half the battle.

Chris Pronger’s guide to hockey:

Elbowing is half the battle.

What is the secret to a good ground and pound tactic in MMA?

Judoing is half the battle.

ha ha i don haffa be fun-e n e moar now so I will just wrote in broken aol speek!

You can all fuck off for getting me busted, thanks a lot.

Sorry, The Mighty One has spent the last two hours debating a woman on Topix that asserts that cosmic dinosaurs are waiting in outer space to descend into our bodies.

Oh, he was arguing against it, BTK.

Oh, and, “Yes, He is dead fucking serious.”

Oh, and according to her we are the Aryan race descended from inhabitants of Atlantis. That the cosmic dinosaurs (called “girasas”) are waiting to descend into.

MY MIND CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT ANY MORE!

We got you a boob job, Al?

You mean they’re not?

**signs out of Topix**

DO YOU SEE WHY I AM THE WAY I AM??? LOOK AT THE SICK PERVERTED FUCKS WE HAVE IN THIS WORLD!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Hey Spike Lee, what’s the hardest part of making your Bo jangling movies?

Sambowing is half the battle.

I know Fek, it’s fucked up.

[points at Stone's crotch]

A new up has descended from Vince’s bowels.

Hey Crappy, how do you stay so funny?

Type-oing is halve the battel.

Tonight on CBS2 Iowa’s News: Portly Accountant Verbally Accosts Local Teenagers And Sets Fire To Bingo Machine At Elderly Home